My take on this concept because I woke up thinking about the fic ‘Long Road Ahead’ by Starsinabox on A03. (@starsinabox I think?) Basically Ponyboy’s mother took him and ran, leaving her husband with the other two boys. Might write more on this when Tsoa isn’t taking up my entire brain space :)
Ponyboy’s mother had been sick for some time now. Not that he would ever tell anyone that on account of getting scared that he would be sent away. He’d been taken into child protective custody once before when a teacher found out they were living in a shitty motel downtown. That was the last time he trusted a teacher enough to tell them anything. Now it was summer, so as long as he kept to himself and didn’t make small talk with any well meaning librarians, he would get to stay with his mother and make sure things didn’t get too bad.
“Mama?” He said quietly as soon as he’d locked the crummy apartment door behind him. He didn’t want to wake her if she was sleeping but he had to be careful that she knew he was home too. There was one time where he had made the mistake of coming home without a sound and his mom had all but freaked out. It took her about an hour to settle back into bed and fall asleep after that. It was not his proudest moment.
He had a few dollars cash on him from earlier. Now that it was summer and his mom was no longer able to work, he’d taken to pawning items from around their house or things he found around the neighborhood for any sort of sum. As long as he was able to pay for food, it was fine. Ponyboy was able to cover rent simply because he did the edging and all yardwork for their apartment building twice a week. He used to do it together with his mother but then she got sick and he’d had to get used to doing it on his own. As far as living went, it was fine, he was handling it and taking care of his mother, like any good son would.
“Mama?” He called again, setting down his wallet and bag of pasta and canned tomatoes on the table. He’d taken to buying canned tomatoes instead of red pasta sauce because they were cheaper and always on sale. It was also easier to dent the cans in the back of the store and claim that he needed a discount every once in a while. Ponyboy had taken to eating once a day. He skipped breakfast in favor of finding stuff around the house or neighborhood to sell and then spent the afternoon walking through the city to different pawn shops to see where he’d get the highest price. He usually wasn’t back until dinner and that’s when he finally ate for the day. Ponyboy was fine with it, his mother didn’t hardly eat anything anymore either. He’d taken to stealing chicken brother pellets from the store just so she would eat something that wasn’t tap water.
Ponyboy slowly tiptoed into her room, looking at the lump on the mattress on the floor and guessing that she hadn’t moved from where he’d left her this morning. It was hard to leave her most mornings, unmoving and coughing weakly. But he did it because how else would they eat or keep the lights on. Sometimes he missed when he was going to school and she was working because after a long day he’d find his mother here and curl up next to her. They’d lie for hours while she slept and he read a book. He didn’t have to go out and barter for money because he was too young to hold a job. She was still able to function okay at that point, she’d just needed more sleep than the average person. Now, she was too sick to do much of anything.
Ponyboy walks over to her, placing a hesitant hand on her shoulder and shaking softly. “Mama, I’m home. You okay?” She startles softly, her bony hand coming up to grab at his hand on her shoulder. “It’s just me.” He says softly, learning all about the tenderness he had possessed since she’d been getting sicker and sicker. She visibly relaxes at that, almost giving him a ghost of a smile.
“Hi baby.” She says weakly, stifling a cough. “How was your day?”
“It was good.” He says softly, letting her grab his hand with all the strength she can muster. “Got enough for dinner tonight if you’re up to it.” She doesn’t seem to hear that part, instead she looks past him.
“You wanna lie down with me for a little while? Like when you were little?” Her eyes are glazed over and it’s like she’d not really seeing him. Ponyboy’s heart twinges and he can’t bear to be away from her just then.
“Sure Mama.” He whispers as he carefully starts lying next to her. Ponyboy knows somewhere in the back of his mind that she doesn’t have much time but he doesn’t know what he’ll do when she actually goes. His short time in the foster system was awful and it was a relief when his mother had gotten him back. He’s only thirteen! He doesn’t want to spend the rest of his youth in the foster system getting the shit beat out of him by some asshole on a power trip. Hypothetically, he could do it but he doesn’t want to have to do it. His mother’s arms curl around him and Ponyboy relaxes slightly at her touch. They had been doing this since he was little, especially because even when he was younger, she was too tired to do much else besides work and then go to bed immediately. He wonders not for the first time just where his father is and if he would be sent to live with him when this all ended… God forbid.
His mother hadn’t told him much about his father, just that they had to leave because she had her reasons and that she never wanted to see him or any of the rest of them again. Though Ponyboy didn’t know what she meant by ‘the rest of them’. His imagination went wild with that information, conjuring images of his mother being beat to a bloody pulp by a looming statue of a man before grabbing him and getting the hell out of dodge. It was tough not to wonder though, what had been so bad about the man that Ponyboy didn’t get to grow up with a father? He was only eighteen months old when they left, he doesn’t have any memories of the man or any of the others that his mother had so carefully danced around. Most days, it doesn’t bother him but sometimes it hurts his soul that it had to be this way.
“Are you okay baby?” His mom asks in that whisper silent voice that she’d been using for as long as Ponyboy can remember. What his didn’t recall was how weak it had gotten in past weeks.
“Yeah.” He said softly, sinking into her. He hasn’t been okay in a long time but that’s not a conversation for his sick mother.
“This isn’t how I wanted things to be.” She says then, her voice tickling the back of his ear. “I’m sorry that you have to do any of this. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be a better mother for you.” Ponyboy knows what’s about to come so he turns around in the bed, facing his mother and pushing their foreheads together. He knows what’s coming and exactly how to stop it.
“Don’t say that Mama. I love you.” She gives him a watery smile, the kind that comes before a crying fit that sends her to sleep for more than eighteen hours.
“My sweet, smart, responsible boy. You just don’t deserve this. None of it. You deserve a real shot at life.” She puts a hand on the back of his scalp and runs her feather light fingers through his hair. Ponyboy doesn’t know what to say to any of that, so he just presses their foreheads harder together.
“It’s okay Mama. I don’t want anymore than I have.” If only that sentiment was true.
