You're a Spy Right?...Right?
I haven't seen Skyfall yet and I really want to, and this infidelity scandal with the former head of the CIA General Patraeus was interesting for about 2 jokes about how hard cheating is. Right now spies are at the forefront of the collective consciousness, yet being a spy still feels out of reach for ordinary people. But fret not... your ordinary-ness may be exactly what makes you an extraordinary spy.
I feel like there are probably a lot of people out there that would make really good spies and don't even know they have the gift. Spying is primarily about information. So if we cast the net for our potential 007 in the rough to include people who love information (and I chose the word "love" because spying should be a passion or you’re just going through the motions), then that would include everyone everywhere meaning you and everyone you know and so on and so forth until every human on earth is accounted for.
Everyone loves information because we need information. Information keeps us alive. A human can't exist without information because everything you learn no matter how you learn it is information. Now think about how many times you've had to be sneaky to gain information. You're good at it aren't you? At least you believe you are and that belief in your sneakiness is the foundation of being a savant spy. Probably started when you were young. Sneaking around the house to find out where the snacks are hidden, but not to have a snack this time, just to know where they are so when you have more time you can go Seal Team Six on a pack of cookies and disappear without a trace. Who hasn't made an attempt to find out what they were getting for Christmas before the 25th? Other than the Jewish, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindu's, and almost every person on earth but you. That's one more dimension of sneaky almost entirely unique to you that proves you may have a spy sneaking around your psyche. And let's face it, if there's anything that's going to go unnoticed without heavy excavation in this world... it's your inner-spy.
Here comes the ugly part. This is where we start to eliminate some people. Now I'm not saying you have to be a professional athlete but spying requires at least some basic agility. The minimum requirement is that you can at least walk stealthily in a low crouch. So if you find yourself uttering the phrase, "No... I can't. My knees" a lot. You're chances of being a Black Ops sensation have significantly decreased but not vanished altogether. For instance, if you've been lying about your knees this whole time because you don't like to participate in activities or help your friends move, well then you're back in the game sir or ma'am. Deception is part of being sneaky. Also, if you do have bad knees you've probably adopted and mastered a hide in plain sight technique which as any ninja would tell you is a highly affective tool of stealth. Adaptability is a plus.
One more potentially eliminating factor. Contrary to what Hollywood, and the faces of highly trained actual government spies would have you believe, you don't have to be super attractive to be a spy. You can be as attractive as you are... you just gotta being willing to bang. DTF. Are you as attractive as you are and horny all the time? If the answer's yes the potential of having night vision goggles in your near future have only increased not decreased. Just thought I should add that you might have to bang a foreigner so you should probably be pretty open to that as well.
It's also important to point out that you Do Not and I repeat Do Not have to speak another language to be a spy. Why you ask? Because feigning interest by way of conversational eye contact and perfectly timed head nods is the universal language. Also not required, but it wouldn't hurt to be pretty good at puzzles.
So here's your checklist.
3. Low Crouch Walk-ability
You may not think these 4/5 factors are enough to jump into the high risk world of espionage, but... Don't knock it 'til you spy it.
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