Being asexual sucks sometimes. For the most part, I don’t want a relationship. It just doesn’t matter, in the same way that you don’t care about the haircut of a person you’ve never met. It’s not on my radar and it mystifies me how it can be such a big part of life for everyone else. And then I see on TV or in writing depictions of people who really want to be together. Poly romances where everybody can be together and feel loved and wanted. And I can’t even have one person like that. I don’t even know how to. I don’t know how to court interest. I don’t know how to make myself even okay when that interest is directed toward me. My instinct is to steer it back to casual friendship, always. I’m not cool with being alone forever. I just want a person that can be like my best friend, that wants me around and wants to cuddle with me and wants to sleep in the same bed. And, of all things, it feels like that’s something I will never have. Sometimes that makes me really, really sad. I don’t get a dream girl. There isn’t a girl out there who I would want who would want me.