#geneticwizard

[totallycorrectpmdquotes]

Buizel: How do you deal with… with all this trauma?

Hero: I’ll call my Papa.

Buizel: That’s beautiful, man.

Hero: …call my Papa a bitch.

Buizel: Oh…

Hero: Then I hang up on my Papa. Just hang up on my Papa.

[pmd-headcanons]

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon as per usual, except Hero happens to be a speedrunner, so the second they wake up they start doing unexplainable things, like getting money as fast as possible and blowing it all on Pure Seeds and Warp Scarves, leaving Partner terribly confused. Things get worse when Hero starts abusing exploits.

[totallycorrectpmdquotes]

[Coming across a ruined Carnival in the Dark Future]

Partner: Holy SHIT, guys, KIDDIE LAND!

Grovyle: He’s like a five-year-old with combat skills. And a comprehensive grasp of every swearword in the English language.

Hero: I wish I could be that happy… Oh, to hell with it! WHOOO, KIDDIE LAND!

[totallycorrectpmdquotes]

Partner: Where is He- where is G-… I keep mixing the names for some reason. Gengar. I mean, shit, fucking A- Hero, where you at?

Hero: One of these days you’ll remember my name.

Partner: I always do, come on, I have a tattoo of you guys!

Gengar: You don’t have a tattoo of my name..?

Partner: I do! What the fuck you guy’s didn’t know?

[Gengar shakes their head]

Partner: I do! Hold the fuck up I do!

[Several moments of Partner prepping to show their tattoo]

Gengar: Let me ask, is it on your inner thigh, because I swear to fucking God if it is I’m going to leave.

[Partner eventually shows their tattoo with everyone’s names]

Gengar: Shave your legs, you disgusting neanderthal. God you’re gross. You piss me off!

Partner: Are you kidding me?! That’s such a cute tattoo, and the first thing you do is yell at me? You’re awful!

[totallycorrectpmdquotes]

[Hero, zipping up a bag]

Hero: Fuck, the zipper broke

Watchog, gasping and covering Partner’s ears: Hey! there’s no need for that kind of language here!

Partner: Can you uncover my ears?

Watchog: No, I’m shielding you from your very bad friend

Partner: Watchog, you do realize I curse too, right?

Watchog: What?!

Partner: I’m a stressed, hormone-driven 15 year-old boy who goes to school. If I don’t get my daily dose of 'fuck,' I risk spontaneous combustion

Watchog: W-well, you still shouldn’t curse because… uh…

Watchog: Because Espurr’s here! And it’s rude to curse in front of a lady!

Espurr, in the background: What the fuck are you talking about?

Watchog: Simipour, Farfetch’d - help me out here.

Farfetch’d: I don’t know! I think it’s kind of nice that they’re expressing themselves through creative word-choice.

Simipour: Let the kids say fuck

Watchog: You guys!!!

[totallycorrectpmdquotes]

[After leaving the meeting with Ninetales]

Hero: I mean, I can understand hating someone so much you want to curse them…

Partner: Do you have someone like that too, Hero?

Hero: Nope. Do you?

Partner, pondering: Someone I want to curse?

[Partner thinks for several moments]

Hero: Uh, you don’t need to think so hard about it.

[Partner continues to quietly think even longer]

Hero, visibly anxious: Huh..?

Partner: Can’t think of anyone.

Hero: Don’t take so long then! You actually scared me!

[totallycorrectpmdquotes]

[Partner and Hero watching a Recruit complete a Dungeon to determine if they’re a good fit for the team]

Partner: Look at him. Look at him!

Hero: Mate, he’s making short work of everyone who comes out of that tunnel.

Partner: Oh mate, I remember you were in this situation. I saw you kill three men that day, and I was so proud. Genuinely, as a father, not that I’m a father, but I’m proud.

Emolga: Do you want to be a father, Partner?

Partner: Eh, only if my son is as good at fighting enemies as Hero.

[totallycorrectpmdquotes]

Hero, doing a monologue: If the enemy isn’t cowering in a corner, fearing for their life whenever you’re alive, he is disrespecting you.

[Flashback to Hero hitting Dusknoir with a glancing blow]

Hero: How dare Dusknoir show his face, I could have killed him!

Hero, shouting across a crevasse at Dusknoir: I could have killed yooou!

Hero: Oh I see what it is… my team is down two members, you’ve nearly completed the planet’s paralysis, and your ally has a Violent Seed. I guess you’re feeling pretty confident. But you weren’t counting on one thing…

Hero: I slept nine hours last night.

[After taking out the Villain team]

Hero: When you’re in the zone, nothing can stop you, especially when you’ve got your Partner backing you up.

Hero, stepping into a Monster House: Oh you’ve gotta be kidding.