GAME AWARDS
Pleased and delighted to be here hosting the official "Game'wards" for the 200th year in a row. What was the best game.. what WERE the games? What year is this? The choices you make will define who you become.
OBACA CARICATURE
Everyone's friend, Obaca, makes a triumphant return - this time as an NFT. Add it to your "digital wallet" and watch as his silently grimacing face gazes back at yours, perhaps enraged by your frivolous purchasing decisions. I can't help it, Dad. I love to spend.
CYBER SWISH:
Everybody's swishing nowadays. The Cyber Swish allows you to customise your swish sessions for optimal results. We talk a lot about games for change but this one is really walking the walk in terms of bringing the benefits of technology to the un-swished masses. Nobody will thank us for it but I don't care. It's about doing what's right.
SUPER 20 IN 1 GAME LIST:
A lot of people complain about AAA but the fact is they're the games that people want to play. Super 20 In 1 Game List may not have an "emotion button" or a "morality QTE" like the young people are crazy about but it delivers the goods whether your genre of choice is Master Shooter, Booky Man, JP Ronny or Tanks. Everybody is represented in this list, the dream of the melting pot is still alive.
THE TOMY "YEEAGHH!":
Enigmatic world power TOMY have never stopped innovating in the domain of terrible machines and this one screams at you as well now, I guess. Dapper yellow buttons are your interface with the inscrutable domain of object life; careful positioning makes them hard to chew off and believe me I've tried!! Winner of the Interface Award from highly compensated UI theorist "ButtonMan".
"IDEAL":
Like it or not - this is the "Ideal". His smiling face presides over our most intimate ambitions and dreams. Dead men fall from his hands like dew from the petals of a rose.. Standing atop the wreckage of the murderous charnel house that is world history he exclaims "Some SCRAP, Eh Kids !!" to nobody in particular. How true!! No doubt about it - that's the Ideal!
REALISTIC WOMAN VR HAND:
Begin building your own Realistic Woman today. It's never been easier with the help of this hand.
IRRESISTABLE OFFER:
Yes, just like the Devo song. "How many sad cats can I buy for a dollar?" These wonderful objects will surely form the basis of a new novelty twitter account in which videogames are "rated" according to how many sad cat pictures they contain, thus accidentally creating a shadow economy of games loading up on sad cat pics for the purposes of temporary internet engagement. However "Game, Award" shall countenance no competition - we stand and wait with flaming sword at the gate to metrics paradise. Dreadful will be our wrath once we've got our shit together, maybe learned to drive. Watch out!
THE LITTLE HAND:
Stiff competition in the hand biz. It reaches out to grab a coin, thus making a trenchant social point about something or other. I'm sure you can find many uses for this hand. For example: if the little hand steals something, are you legally culpable for what it grabs? What about if you "find" something it stole? Rediscover the founding incentives of automation as a discipline, today.
GOLDEN MASK:
Folks we really have an all-timer here. Are you even a true gamer if you don't contemplate the Golden Mask?
Well that's all we have, it's been a wonderful year, an incredible year! Truly a remarkable year, the great year, uh... year X, the secret year, the forbidden year. Watch out! Ha ha ha! We're all having fun in this crazy year of (helplessly guessing) 1913. Certainly a year that mankind will look back on later, and say that wow, it was all uphill from here.
AND THE WINNER IS....
What the--?! A true upset, makes you think, the social order is overturned, and then returns, healthier than ever. Everyone is dancing and celebrating, all around me, pumping their fists at another win in the great beyblades arena that is cultural history. I try to look excited too but it's hard for me to keep up with all that's happening. For example - is it meant to be the Corpses that are large, or the Collection? Well, I never claimed to be able to understand art.