#gessikaquotes

[gskasavillo]

Headlights flashes from the window,

As I lay here awake thinking what our life

Can turn out to be..

Will I lay down one night holding your hand?

Will I be able to lay on your chest while listening to your heartbeat?

Will I'll be able to make you say:

" Thank God I'm home"

By just the smell of the kitchen

And the lights I put up on the driveway?

Will I'll be able to make you cry

At the end of the aisle while holding hands

With my father and my mother?

What it would be for the two of us?

I go to the window and I smiled...

In this cold room..

there's one thing I'm sure..

There will a be a time where I won't

Be alone anymore.

There will be a night

Where I wont be lonely anymore.

For as long as I can see you..

For as long as I can vision you on lonely hours like this...

Then I will have faith

And I will have hope

And I will hold on to that dream

Because it keeps me going..

And I know I'll get there..

Someday..

Where somewhere is warm..

And happy

Anywhere

With

You.

Gessika Savillo, "By grace through faith: Chapter Begins"

[gskasavillo]

I hope you'd be nice to me

Cos I'm stupid when it comes to love

I don't know if I'm bringing someone down

I don't know the perfect timing to kiss

And I don't have the guts to hold someone's hand

Sometimes I can't even think if I like someone enough to tell that someone "I like you"

I need a little push because I have a low self esteem to realize someone might actually love me

I hope you'd be nice to me

Cos I might also be too kind to stay

I might stay even if someone doesn't want to stay anymore

I might cry but I might also pretend that I'm happy even if I'm not happy anymore

I don't know how to leave someone because I might think that this phase is just a challenge of fate and for you it's already the end of the story

I hope you'd be kind enough to tell me it's enough

Not to let me hang around

Cos I'm that idiot who'd be stuck..

Gessika Savillo

[gskasavillo]

And you grow up and you get out of your parent's house and you move to a new place, you get a job, you wander around, you meet new people and you get home to an empty room, alone.. you start to sing along with the temptations, imagining that someone owns you, imagining that someone out there is thinking of you. You take off your clothes, you put your PJs on, you drink a cold glass of milk, you shut the lights and you lay down on your cold bed, smiling despite feeling empty, hoping that you'll get there, hoping that you'll make it, hoping to see yourself getting picked up by a smiling man, whose eyes glitter because he is so damn in love with you, you go home with him to a warm place with your mom waiting, holding your son's little hands and your dad laughing because of your daughter's little eyes, you hope to get there that's why you're here.. you feel empty now but that's alright because you know that someday that dream of yours is just so near

Gessika Savillo (My modern fairy tale)

[gskasavillo]

My number One rule: BE FUCKING KIND

Does kindness show how you truly care for someone? I mean I hope people don't misunderstood my kindness, I hope that they will understand that for me, the world is already rotting of hate, angst and rudeness that I'd rather be kind to my friends and to the people I know.

I'm approachable and you can probably asked me if you need someone to eat with, to watch a movie with or if you need someone to call in the middle of 3am just because you lost your damn mind and you're going through the phase of your life.

I'm the kind of person who asks people what's wrong if their facial expression is not right, I'm the kind of person who ask others "You okay", "what's wrong" or "why", If I can see that you're breaking into pieces in front of me, Damn I would crawl the damn bed if I saw you still up when I know I was just supposed to pee but you're there awake with a bothered mind. If you just got your heart broken by some ass who couldn't see your worth? I'm the kind of person who will force you to get out of your bed, cook food for you and take you out for a walk, or a coffee.

For the love of God it doesn't matter who you are , where you came from or what you look like, as long as you've shown geniune kindness and concern for me, I'll be sure as hell be the kindest human being you'll ever meet in the whole damn world.

- Gessika Savillo ( My name is Cee Cee)

[gskasavillo]

Three thirty three am

I have this feeling that I'll be saying goodbye to you. Sooner or later I just know that this happiness that I've been feeling will be gone pretty soon.. I don't know why but its always like that..I'm pretty sure that deep inside I want to be closer to you but I'm frightened of the emptiness that will consumed me the moment that I'll leave this place, the moment that I'll leave you.

I'm scared of uncertainty and I'm terrified of this growing feelings that I'm having for you. Its making me mad, it's driving me insane. How stupid am I to longed for your scent, or to get shamelessly excited whenever I hear your voice from the other side of the telephone..

Why do I always have to go through this phase where I have to fall for someone but I have to stop myself from embracing it because we all know that it will never work. Why do I always have to be awake until the dawn is breaking because of thinking too much about the things and the supposed to be's, the possibilities and probabilities of us finally admitting to each other how we feel and what we feel.

Why can't I love and be loved back freely without hindrances and any other circumstances? Why can't I express myself.. loving whomever I want and making that person feel loved? Why can't I say to the world that I love you and only you because you made me feel crazy and stupid and fool and smart and great and all the bullshit and cheesy things like that?

Tell me..

Maybe..

Maybe at the end, all these sufferings will be justified. Maybe all I have to do is wait for the perfect timing and for the perfect man to be brave enough to fight for me and to do everything just to be with me no matter what happens just because he loves me.

[gskasavillo]

December First

It was a splur of emotion.

I laughed too hard, I cried too much. I was the happiest and I was the saddest. There are times where I want to spend my time alone, enjoying my empty home, feeling my soft cold bed while listening to my favorite calum scott song, but there are moments where I want to be in the crowd, laughing with a group of friends, or walking across the street looking busy amongst the people. I was pretty unsteady. One day I'm okay the next day I'm not.

I'm gonna be fine.

Its always like this. Its always a splur of emotion, I always expect something from December because this is the month where I hope the most, the month where I want to see a miracle right in front of my eyes, the month that brings out the kindness of people no matter who they are or what status they have in the society.

I want to believe in something and the hopeful December excites me.

I want to feel ridiculously good, I want to laughed until my stomach hurts, I want to smile until my cheeks are hurt. I want to laugh and cry at the same time, I want moments, heart to heart talks, dramas.

[gskasavillo]

Hey I don’t regret you.

I don’t know how long it took me to realize that, to say those words to your pictures that I kept, to free the darkest corners of my soul just to see the glimpse of the silver lining. 

I don’t regret meeting you, I don’t regret smiling at you or watching you broke your heart and letting myself open my doors for you, I don’t regret getting to know you, or letting myself believe that this is it I’m in love.

 I am me, because you made me who I am, you are a part of me, a piece of puzzle that I’ll carry through as I moved on with my life.

You are a lesson that I was taught. You are the reason why I’m strong and standing. You are my 3 am, my nightmare and my dream come true.

 I don’t regret of loving you.

[gskasavillo]

When you’re not really meant to be together at all.. really.

Sometimes when you look at things and everything seemed so good, all you wanna say is “Dang I wanna stay like this forever” cos you know maybe you thought the world is perfectly aligned and everything is just right where they are supposed to be.. 

One thing I realized? Nothing is perfect and you’re not perfect and you will never stay in a moment forever. Sometimes you give out second chances in hopes that the person who’s asking for it will really change. You put faith in them in spite of all the things that they’ve done to you, in spite of all the tears that they cost you. You swallow your pride, you hold yourself together and you pull them up to tell them “It’s okay, let’s just start again..or it’s okay, we’ll be fine...” then you hugged them, then you wipe their tears not letting them see how broken you are. You see them everyday smiling with sparks in their eyes.. while you.. well you smile back.. not letting them know how you wake up 3 in the morning just to find yourself crashing all over again because of the memories that time can’t stop you from remembering.. 

It’s okay to feel guilty, giving out second chances doesn’t mean that they have to work out because sometimes they don’t. Don’t beat yourself up, your heart is young and you are young and this is just a phase. You fall in love, sometimes you jump and sometimes.. you.. crashed. For what is all worth is you get to hold the broken pieces of your wings to put them all back together. So what if its not perfect? so what if some pieces of it are not there anymore? 

It will grow back eventually.. it will heal eventually and then you get to fly again stronger than never before..