I am in incredible pain right now... my boyfriend had just broken up with me the other night and right now my heart hurts so much that its hard to get out of bed, eat or do anything. It hurts so bad that I had to quit my job because we both worked there. Before dating him I had gotten out of a 5 year relationship in 2013 and at that time it felt like I was going to die. It took so long for me to to finally be happy without that ex and in the end of 2014 I finally was happy and confident on my own. It was around November when I met Tim at work, we were at a Christmas party and from there things just clicked and moved so fast, the chemistry was amazing. He had told me he hadn't been in a relationship in 5 years so I didn't expect to be in a serious relationship with him, but we ended up spending Christmas and New years together and I was constantly with him. End of January I confronted him, I wasn't sure what he wanted out of the relationship and previously being in a long term relationship I wasn't use to just casually dating. I was very cautious and doubtful from being hurt and I just wanted to make sure I wouldn't be hurt this time around, so I gave him an outs that if ever he felt that he didn't want to pursue a relationship with me he could just let me know. Here he told me he wanted to be with me he just wasn't ready yet, just needed a little more time. A week later is when he officially asked me to be his girlfriend, I was ecstatic, I didn't think I could find another guy again that could make me this happy. The next couple of weeks was a blur, we were moving really fast in our relationship and I didn't mind. Around Valentines day his grandpa had passed away so he was at a really low point went away for a while, here he confessed to me about his demons, his addition to weed, that he was scared, his depression and anxiety and gave me an outs to back out if it was too much for me... only knowing him for a few months I already cared about him so much so I told him then and there that no matter what his past was, or his troubles are now, I wouldn't let that get in the way of our relationship that I was there to stick by him and support him in everything. He had been telling me about how unhappy he was in Sydney that he missed his life back in Melbourne and wanted to move back there, but was conflicted because I was here in Sydney. His Grandpa's funeral was in Melbourne so when he came back we had lunch and thats when he told me he loved me, my heart exploded again, because at this point, I knew I loved him too, regardless how little time I've known him, I was ready to have him in my life for a long time. He confronted me about moving to Melbourne and asked if I would ever consider coming with him, truth be told I had been thinking about it, so I told him I would, on the condition he would be committed to me and committed to fixing his demons. After this it was all like a dream couldn't be happier, planning so many things for the future, getting excited about apartment hunting, this was to be in September this year. There were times of rockiness with his job stressing him out but I was always there for him and he never failed to tell me he loved me. Sure he was a little rough around the edges with showing his affection, after not being in a loving relationship for so long so I understood that. The last couple of weeks I felt he was a little more distant than usual, he still told me he loved me and tried to be reassuring, but he was always late with his messages, when I stayed the night, the next day he'd just fall asleep and sometimes I'd have to leave and he wouldn't get up to walk me out, he'd just simply stay in bed. He lived about 2 hours via public transport away from me (we both don't have cars) and so we usually just hung out at work and on the weekends I stayed over. I hadn't been over the last weekend so we hadn't really hung out in 2 weeks, so I was really missing him and excited to be with him that weekend. He was in a bad mood to begin with on the way to his so he wasn't as affectionate that night, he tried to not let it get in the way. I had really shared with him that a tonne of things were stressing me out, school, work family, so I really needed some comfort... but I just didnt get any, the next day was the same he fell asleep after we got breakfast and fooled around. So naturally I was upset, so when I left I was crying on the bus and the train trips home. I messaged him another outs that I felt that I wasn't enough to be his girlfriend, he messaged back saying he loved me and sorry that I felt that way and asked what was wrong. I elaborated on all the things that were upsetting me, including feeling like he wasn't as interested in me anymore. He reassured me he still loved me just as much knowing all my problems. But I hadn't told him why I was upset that weekend, So I told him the reason I gave him the outs, that I felt sometimes he didn't care as much when I needed him. He messaged back the next day saying he wasn't ready for a relationship, that he thought he was and he was sorry. I broke at this point, I hadn't expected this, I at least wanted to talk but he wouldn't. I sent him an array of text messages telling him how much I loved and cared for him and asking him to give us another chance. The last message that he sent me was saying he had been second guessing for a while and tried but just couldn't do it and that there was nothing I could do to change how he felt. This was when I really shattered because it hit me that there was nothing left for me to say. I gave my all in this relationship, I tried to correct all the wrong I did in my past relationship but it still wasn't enough and it hurts to know that I wasn't worth him trying just one more time. I'm desperate to get over the pain because right now it is beyond unbearable. Please Matthew, if there is anyway you can help me, I want to get him back but I know pushing things isn't going to make anything better. I'm just really tired of this constant pain, the first time was hard enough and then after trusting another guy again, the pain is twice as much. I don't know if there is anything you can do or say to help me, but I just really don't want to feel this pain anymore...
