Sorry not Sorry.
Last night I was up in bed thinking a lot. About a recent event that has triggered my emotions to make me put myself down. My sister turned to me and after much nagging, I finally told her what was on my mind. My sister blew up when I told her. Now I have seen her mad, but she was very pissed off when I told her. She pointed something out to me that I always turned a blind eye to. Every single time something happens in my life, I always find the fault in MYSELF. I blame MYSELF. Point the gun at MYSELF. Consider MYSELF the bad guy, when I have done nothing wrong. I tell the truth and speak my heart and yet I always throw the blame on myself. Why do i have to keep putting myself down in the dumps for something i didn't do wrong. For those who wouldn't do the same for me. I told the truth. I spoke my heart. Yeah it hurts, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm not the bad guy. I'm tired of considering myself the bad guy. I am not the bad guy. I considered the people around me, my close friends. Whatever the situation I was first to defend them and blame myself. But none of these people ever stuck by me. They are barely real friends, let alone my close friends. Real friends are those who accept you. They don't try to change you. They like you for who you are no matter how annoying you may be. They listen, help, & sympathize. They would RESPECT the way I feel about something, no matter how much they oppose. But mostly they understand. And I'm tired of putting people around me that don't understand me no matter how much they say they do. So yes. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry that situations turn up against our nature. But I'm not sorry for speaking my mind. I'm not sorry for feeling the way I do. Sorry that I'm not as sorry as you want me to feel.