man i’ve been thinking a lot about g1deon and the “i sometimes -- forget” delivered in a tone that harrow recognizes because it’s the same way she talks about her own “hallucinations” and how harrow’s quote unquote insanity leads to such a degree of doubting her own perception of events/history/reality etc to the extent of having to confirm things with ianthe (and ortus in canaan house redux) and to a degree acting based on what ianthe confirms.
and obviously there are a Lot of Issues with the way g1deon’s relationship to john is talked about/treated by muir and the characters. but i am thinking about how... “i sometimes -- forget” in the context of how harrow is and considered over ten thousand years really feels like it must translate into... a lot of the same type of doubting of perception and knowledge and ability to make decisions even, except g1deon doesn’t have anyone to confirm anything like harrow does; it’s not like he can rely on mercymorn or augustine, for the obvious reasons of them being mercymorn and augustine, and so i feel like he. probably pretty early on must have decided that he can’t trust Himself and so he has to. rely on john and that’s why he’s (it seems) so loyal to john and lives up to his title and is willing to try to kill harrow over and over on john’s orders - he can’t trust himself so he has to be able to. trust john.
which i think is especially interesting as a possibility in the context of his relationship with wake, if he’s not necessarily loyal to john because of fully believing in his cause but rather because of needing to be able to rely on something. i haven’t quite figured out where i’m going with this aspect of things but it is a thread that i am pulling at
