#givewhatyouneed

[resiliencyguy]

When it’s “Good Friday” and you basically walk from one end of town to the other! #benicia @beniciabay The laughs and giggles were free! @soaringphoenixfitness #GoodFridayWalk #GiveWhatYouNeed (at Benicia Clock Tower) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-0NeLeD3Cc/?igshid=oedbf26s7yje

[abbeymayradnidge]

“Give whatever it is that you need”

Is a quote that has ALWAYS stuck with me & what I try to do everyday.

If you want happiness, spread happiness & it will come to you.

If you need love, give love & it will come to you.

If you want change, initiate change & it will come to you

A bit of a kinder way of saying ‘you get what you give.’

[sienamarilyn]

Dinner with my father in 2012

Wars aren’t won by walking away

No dad that’s not okay, how can

you even relate the two––

Something new today? A side of oja

beans, corn tortillas, guacamole, and

onions. White onions. Raw white onions. Thanks.

Confrontation is necessity. Okay, but

why’re you so obsessed with me and

my views if you know 

that I don’t 

and I won’t

not ever 

ever

agree with you??

Dinner, 2018

I texted my dad to see if I could call him in a little bit

He said yes and suggested 5 o clock

I agreed

I cooked some rice

I grabbed the cat and brought him to my room and rubbed my face into his face until he got up and walked out

I did 30 minutes of chill yoga (trying to be more chill)

my dad called but I thought it was the timer going off so I ignored it

I called him can a couple minutes later

he asked what’s up?

and I said I just wanted to make sure that we still had our deal regarding the insurance. That we agreed that instead of paying that he would pay me $200 a month so I could go to therapy here.

He said ah so you need something I said yes today I do need something that’s not always why but today it is

He said something like oh sure I’ll give you $100 a month and I said but we had agreed on $200

He said I know how much you pay per session and $100 a month is good for going once a month

I said no but you said you would give me $200—

He said I did and I said you are only going to go once a month

But—

I can say both things, can’t I?

I said yes but the thing is you didn’t say that. Because had you said that I wouldn’t have just gone four times without knowing I could fully pay for it––

Yes I did I said them both

No

Yes

No

Yes

He yells

I yell

He yells louder.

I say just because you yell louder DOESN’T MEAN IT WORKS

LISTEN TO ME he says

I say not when you talk to me like this

He ignores me

He explains himself and why he thinks I only need to go once a month

I say okay but I just need to know if you’ll pay the $200 for this past month.

He says I have to agree to him

I say yes

he says okay

I clarify

and he says do you need it in four languages? 

he says yes

He says I wanna hear you say it

I say I said yes do you want me to say it in 8 different languages then hop on FaceTime to sign it too?

He says I wanna hear you say the whole thing.

I say, I’ll only go once a month

The conversation should have ended there but it wasn’t quite over yet 

a few more quips until I say something about his thick skull and he says

you blew it

sorry

you don’t get it now.

I am silent. The first instinct of mine is to retaliate 

tell him that I’m not gonna go to Vegas anymore. 

Tell him sorry YOU BLEW IT

and remove him from my life 

and from my heart again.

Instead I say so why are you allowed to talk to me that way then?

He says because I am the parent 

you are the child. 

Why argue the logic further. 

that’s the way it is and it never changes apparently.

I am silent and he is still speaking although I’m not entirely sure what he is saying anymore. 

i stopped listening. i’m crying

I quickly say I guess I don’t have anything more to say and I hang up he was still kind of lingering on the last thing I said so technically I hung up on him too and technically that was  wrong too

I texted him this: Dad, at the moment when you finally stood up for yourself to your mom and told her no, did you also think that you would one day say the exact opposite? Shouldn’t I challenge what I feel I don’t deserve? Should I be afraid to speak my mind because of what I fear I’ll lose? Well I’d rather be honest.

So that’s okay and I’ll have to figure it out. Thanks for the lesson. I won’t try to tell you what I wish you would have done or would do differently because I know it’s not in your beliefs to listen to me about that sort of thing. That’s okay. I’ll try not to ask for too much anymore. I’d rather know you than need you. Because it really hurts going through the aftermath of blown up communication.

He wrote back:

All you have to do is apologize

You are making mountain out of mole hill

Don't call me thick head

Apology

I laughed. I cried. I wrote: I'm sorry for calling you thick head

He wrote back: thank you

and now he is sending me pictures and videos of some woman wearing his apron and cooked shrimp.

[moonleaflove]

“Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ~ Lao Tzu #laotzu #selfacceptance #selflove #givewhatyouneed #acceptance #love #namaste 🍃☀️🍃

[j-ivy]

#WeAllWantLove #GiveWhatYouNeed #NewYork #lowereastside #newyorkcity #nyc #ny #manhattan

[asiulzitro]

I changed my url I’m givewhatyouneed so don’t forget me.

[josettesmaskin]

happy birthday babe i love you so much we haven't talked a lot but remember i'm here for you if needed, god bless you

helloo thank youu :) that's always great to know <3