please don’t go I love you so
warnings: angst!!, mentions + allusions to sex, (2?) swear words, anxiety, self-critical thoughts, post nut clarity 😔😔😔 (word count: 910)
note: this is my first completed fic enjoy
The heavy feeling of your embarrassment began to drown you, engulf you as he went to the bathroom to clean himself up before cleaning you. You wanted to burry yourself in a hole and never get out. You’d sworn to yourself many years ago that you’d never be that person to sleep (fuck) someone without an established relationship but with Logan it was oh so different.
The thoughts of him had possessed your mind all the time, lingering in an echo as you tried to ignore the attraction to the older man. You thought you’d get over it soon enough until he reciprocated your feelings, seducing you in the act and leading to the moments previous to you lying on his bed wanting to bury yourself in a hole. You felt used, embarrassed, and grimy from the sweet mess on the bed, on your chest and between your thighs. “It’s just sex, it’s natural”, Storm had assured you last time you had a one-night stand that ended up sour and arrived home on the verge of a breakdown. But you didn’t want just sex ,you wanted more than the pure attraction on a physical level and now you had ruined any chance of that happening with Logan, as he would probably discard you to the side and ignore you after tonight.
Upon overhearing a shaky breath from you over the running tap water, Logan closed the tap, brining along the warm damp towel. As his footsteps grew closer, you turned your lethargic body the opposite way, trying to hide the sobs that were eager to escape from you and quickly drying your eyes. Logan did not know what to do, his mind racing at a high speed. “Did I hurt you?”, he approached lightly his fingertips grazing your shoulder. Still facing away from him you shook your head answering “No, I’m just tired”, your voice sounding shakier than you anticipated. Logan witnessed how you almost flinched and pulled away when he attempted to turn you around causing him to withdraw his hand, feeling more concerned.
“Baby…”, you cringed at the nickname that was usually reserved for actual lovers. You knew if you turned around to face him you’d end up blabbering all your worries on to him and the last thing he wanted to do was make him uncomfortable. Oh he was going to hate you, going to tell everyone how annoying you were, going to avoid you at every turn, going to… Through your overthinking you didn’t even hear him call your name twice or turn you over to face him only realising when he caressed your cheek. “I’ve got to get you cleaned up baby”, he reiterated searching your eyes for response. If he didn’t like me he wouldn’t be still here right… or is he embarrassed by his own mess.. Logan on the other hand felt his heart getting heavy seeing you in this state clearly signified that something was up but you didn’t want to open up to him. He carefully cleans you down with the towel making sure to take extra care of your body and when complete he helps you dress into an old pair of his joggers and an old band top he had found. He noticed the tears that were spilling out of your eyes but wasn’t sure how to comfort you and didn’t want to rush yourself into opening up to him. Once he has the shirt over your head, he grabs your hand gently rubbing circles whilst boring holes into the side of your head. His touch was soothing to you and indicated that he wanted to know what was going on, but you refused to even glance his way.
After a moment of trying to recompose yourself, he hears your whisper his name sitting up and listening intently. You suddenly focus on the bed rather than the intense eye contact he was searching for. “Please don’t leave me”, you choked out, covering your mouth with your hand in an attempt to stop your words. “It’s so silly I know, I know it’s probably a stupid overreaction, but I don’t know where we stand and I don’t want you to say this meant nothing but, I just, fuck, it’s me I’m the issue I just-”. You were cut off by his fingers calmly, lovingly grabbing your chin to turn you towards him and you saw his eyes. It had the look, the look you’d seen in silly romcoms, the ones you’d seen Jean give Scott, Remy give to Rogue and Wade to several men and women at a bar. It was the look of love, affection and longing, the want to protect you and hold you and cherish you- This train of thought was cut off by his whisper “I will never leave you, darling, okay? Never think those things because I will never leave you.”, his voice was reflecting the shakiness of yours, the obvious newfound intimacy causing a great effect on Logan. “I’m yours”, he intertwined his fingers with yours “and your mine", then pressing a kiss to your forehead, in which you invited in by embracing him.
As he rubbed small circles on your back, Logan felt tears pricking at his eyes. He hated to see you upset more upset that it was by the actions of partners in the past but would make it his mission to rewrite your idea of love and love you well.
note 2: i was going to give this an angsty ending but I felt nice lol and can you tell my writing got sloppy at the end lmaoo (not proofread!)