Lukas slowly but surely coming to forgive the Blaze Rods by exchanging letters with them over the years. (The ending can be sweet or sorrowful. Up to you!)
Aiden isn’t expecting it.
None of them are.
He always thought he’d be thefirst one to make a move, always too desperate and impatient, but it looks likeLukas has managed to prove him wrong again. He’s both just as surprised and notsurprised at all when he finds out Maya and Gill were delivered two verysimilar letters.
He gets it right after work, thesharp knock at the door coming just after Aiden’s locked it and hardly a momentbefore he has a chance to set his pickaxe down.
Aiden unlocks and opens the doorexpecting to be reprimanded for something or other he did at the mines, someproblem someone had or some complication that must somehow be his fault. Heexpects it to be something a little more serious when Reginald’s the one he findswaiting on the other side.
He’s not expecting a letter.
He’s also not expecting howfamiliar the handwriting on the envelope is, how it makes him feel like he’shad the air knocked out of him and gets his brain to freeze.
Reginald spends the next few minutesexplaining it, talking about how it was requested that the letters be handdelivered in order to make sure nobody tampered with them and how Aiden has aweek to write and send a response, but it all just blurs together in his mind,along with the ache in his bones and the knowledge that he still has grime anddirt smudging his face and that his gloves are just as filthy, and meansnothing compared to the name on the paper.
He thinks he mumbles some kind of“thank you”, or maybe a few that probably don’t sound as stable orsane as they should and maybe a little too awed and a bit too dazed, before allbut snatching the letter up and darting back into the house, opening it beforehe’s had a chance to sit down at the kitchen table. Any thoughts about thebroken table leg are pushed aside for another month, maybe another week if he’slucky, as he starts to scan the page.
And Aiden knows Lukas’shandwriting, probably better than he knows his own.
This is it, and before he startsto think about actually reading any of the words, the world comes crashingdown, threatening to drown Aiden in his own thoughts and emotions, as it occursto him that this is real, that the letter isn’t some sick joke.
(Lukas wrote this Lukas actually wrote him he’s holding it in his handshe can’t believe it he has to wake up soon why would he write him what did hedo why won’t his hands stop shaking)
He spends the next hour readingand rereading what’s actually written before thinking about checking in on Mayaand Gill.
Maya’s not quite sure what tothink.
The letter is undeniably angry,equal parts venting about what they did and stilted updates about how thingshave been in their world. It’s short, short enough to hardly count as a letterat all, but it’s not an execution notice, which is always nice. It ends on amore pleasant note than she’d expect it to too, Lukas even extending her thecustomary questions about how things have been for them.
(Warmer than they were in jail,that’s for certain. Rough and with a false sense of control, but better thanbleak and no control at all.
Fine, she writes.)
Is she bitter?
Oh yeah. Big time.
(She’s bitter from the way herstomach drops and twists when she first sees the letter to the way her nailsdig into her palms and the way she doesn’t know she’s bleeding until shereaches out to take the letter and the envelope ends up smeared with blood.She’s bitter from the way her nightmares are playing on repeat to the waythere’s something far lighter bubbling up inside her and threatening to makeher far too optimistic, give her way too much hope.)
Not that she doesn’t get it. Shehates how much sense it makes, how little she can blame Lukas for leaving thembehind after they tried to kill him. There were so many places, so many times,where they could’ve backed out, should’ve stopped before things went too far,would’ve immediately tried to fix if they were better people.
She can’t blame him.
And that’s what angers her themost, because there’s nothing she hates more than feeling like they’ve beentossed aside and left to rot, but he could’ve died because of them. Mayathought they had killed him, for a small while. Who would be crazy, or stupid,enough to forgive them after that, be willing to get close enough to them to doanything more than glare at them?
Not Lukas. He’s always been morecautious, the voice of reason. She’d say it bordered on being cowardly, but shedoesn’t doubt he wouldn’t have let Aiden go so far if he’d been with them. Mayadoesn’t doubt Aiden would’ve been fine if Lukas hadn’t left, disappearedwithout a note or any other explanation.
It’s been quite a while, but shesupposes the letter’s the closest thing to a note they’re ever going to get.
And she assumes that’s that. She writesup and sends a reply the same day as Gill and Aiden, and isn’t surprised by thelack of a response in the following weeks.
But, sure enough, Reggie comesknocking on the door again, and she thinks he’s just as surprised as they are thatthere are more letters.
And, bitter or not, sick to herstomach or not, guilty or angry or not, Maya barely takes the time to hand Gillhis letter before tearing into hers.
Gill will be the first to admitthat he expected to be stabbed the first few nights after he got the letter. Orshot through some vital body part with an arrow, or poisoned.
(Being one of the most hatedpeople in the city means he’s used to watching his back, used to constantlylooking over his shoulder and around corners for people willing and able topick a fight, especially when Maya and Aiden are concerned. The nightmares getmuch worse for a while after he starts to expect to find one of them half deadone of these mornings.)
Because a letter from Lukas iseverything any of them could hope for, even now when they’re used to the ideaof being in touch with the man who used to be their best friend and who theytried to murder, which means that, if nothing else, it’s also too good to betrue.
It has to be. It’s been over a year and the other shoe feels like it’sgoing to crush him anyway if it isn’t dropped soon.
He’s not sure how the other tworesponded to the first letters, and they didn’t tell him. Not that Aiden’sfrantic pacing and absolute whirlwind of expressions, just as fast and all overthe place as he used to be, didn’t say enough, or that Gill still can’t forgethow Maya couldn’t stop bouncing her knee and tapping her foot. It’s not hisplace to ask, not even later, not even when the threat of Lukas going quietagain slowly but surely dies down.
They’re almost a regular thing,the letters, at this point, and Gill still finds himself asking what the catchis each and every time. Not that he ever asks that in any of the letters hewrites back to Lukas, but he gets the feeling he doesn’t have to. Sometimes,he’s not sure Lukas even knows the answer.
He knows Maya would tell him what she wrote, ifhe asked. She’s joked more than once about just dictating what she wants writtendown to Gill because his handwriting’s always been better than hers.
But it’s not his place.
This, being able to write toLukas, being able to contact him in a way that’s actually almost personal, isspecial.
And maybe they’re all making toobig a deal out of writing some letters, maybe he’s the only one blowing it upin his head, but, Gill notes to himself as he sets a piece of paper and analmost empty inkwell down, it doesn’t matter. What he writes is his business,whether it’s about what random minor thing happened at work, a more personalmatter, or what actual big event is coming up for the entire city, and howserious he takes it, regardless of whether or not Lukas cares nearly as muchand he doubts it, is for him and only him to know.
Lukas tries not to be too cocky.He’s seen what that does to people, and being too sure of himself only to crashand burn hardly sounds fun.
But when it comes to things he’sproud of himself for doing, not a day goes by that he doesn’t think of howdifferent things would be if he’d never written, or never sent, three certainletters written for three certain people.
Jesse might’ve suggested writingthe first ones, but after that, it’s been Lukas who’s kept pushing himself towrite the letters, not Jesse. Jesse swore that it would all be up to Lukas andthat there wouldn’t be any outside pushing for him to keep in touch with theOce– Blaze– others, and Lukasdoesn’t see that promise getting broken anytime soon given that it hasn’t beenbroken in the years since.
He still has nightmares, of beingtossed from a ledge while his shoulder throbs and aches, of the sheer terrorthat comes with falling through the air with no idea if it’ll ever end or how,but they’re rarer. If he’s being honest, that just might have to do with allthe other adventures they’ve been on that have given his nightmares plenty ofoptions to choose from, but it helps that there isn’t just a bubbling pit ofanger in his stomach anymore when he thinks of the people who used to be hisbest friends.
There’s a gap that he’s still notsure they can ever really bridge, but being able to let go of all of the hate,all of the fury that he used to swear he could always feel building andbuilding without ever stopping, feels like a good compromise. Lukas didn’treally realize how much he missed talking to them until he started again.
It’s… it’s something.
He doesn’t know if he’ll everstop getting headaches from the conflicting feelings, from the clawing angerand fear to the more subdued but persistent happiness and grief, but at leasthe’s not afraid anymore of snapping one of these days and hunting them down.His temper’s never been his best friend, and it’s about time he got a betterhold on it.
It might never stop surprisinghim, the way he can genuinely smile or even laugh when reading some of theletters, sometimes just because of how themthe letters can be, and sometimes it surprises him even more how quickly hemoves to write them again as soon as he finishes reading their letters, butit’s not a bad kind of surprise. It’s different, and sometimes he can feel thatold anger building up again, feel it churning in his stomach and refusing toleave. It helps, though, that those sometimes happen less and less the moretheir letters get him to smile and laugh.
It’s amazing, how much knowinghow well their new jobs are going or how Maya and Gill’s attempts to fix up thelatest problems with their house have been working out makes it feel like agiant weight’s missing.
And he’s not sure when thedrawers full of their letters, some nearly overflowing and certain lettersadmittedly crinkled and creased while the ink manages not to fade, became someof the most important items tucked around his quarters, but he’s notcomplaining.
There’s no denying that thehighlight of Aiden’s week is when another letter, always in pristine conditionand looking far better than Aiden himself, arrives.
They’re almost weekly now, evenif they’re almost always short, but they prove to be the perfect pick-me-upswhen Maya and Gill’s attempts fail and working in the mines gets especiallygrueling.
One day, when the wind’s howlingoutside and blowing around the weaker plants like they’re made of string whiledust and dirt roll about in waves, there’s something a little different waitingfor Aiden when there’s a knock at his door.
The knock is softer, quieter,than Aiden’s used to, but he’s sure the weather must just be taking up more ofhis attention for once.
It’s a flimsy excuse thatdefinitely falls through when he opens the door, the wind attempting to pull itout of his grip.
It’s not Reggie holding theletter, and Aiden feels whatever words he was going to say die before they everget a chance to leave his mouth while he stares. He doesn’t say anything, notat first, even as a little voice in the back of his head screams and screechesat him.
He doesn’t think anybody couldblame him for freezing up, though.
He hasn’t seen Lukas in a longtime.
And Aiden’s not sure if he’sready to pass out or if he’s ready to cling to Lukas and never let go, but hefeels lightheaded and half convinced that it’s all a dream. It wouldn’t be thefirst time he’d had one like this, after all.
But he’s never felt this dizzy inany of those dreams, and the smaller details, the layer of dust coating Lukas’sshoes and the fainter dusting of it covering his pants and jacket or the wayhis goggle strap is slightly frayed and faded on one side, have never beenthere before.
Lukas himself looks a littledifferent too. In Aiden’s dreams, Lukas has always looked just like he did whenAiden last saw him, which, in hindsight, isn’t exactly realistic. There’s nodoubt in his mind that the man in front of him is Lukas, from the tired smileto the way his hair’s styled even while another gust of air tries to pull itevery direction possible, but it makes sense that he’d have modified his armorat least once in all the time since Aiden had seen him, and while it doesn’tsurprise Aiden that it looks like Lukas hasn’t gotten a good night’s rest in aweek, he’s never been like that when Aiden’s dreaming. Even in his nightmares,Lukas has always just been angry, not tired.
It’s real– Lukas is real.
The world starts to tilt beforeLukas shifts, rubbing the back of his neck while he clears his throat, andAiden finally relaxes his grip on the handle.
“Mind if I come in?”
Words are a little hard toremember, and Aiden stammers and stumbles over them like he’s not quite used tospeaking yet. Still, he holds the door open well enough, despite the wind, ashe steps back, and the grin that’s been dying to break through is the easiestthing in the world to show.
“Not at all.”