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Interpreting Shakespeare, with Rhett McLaughlin
GMM 1680 | Season 17
Ignore the Rot
I’m quite particular when it comes to snacks. If I find a good snack, I tend to buy it again and again. I don’t buy snacks very often, so when I do, I want to be sure that my choice doesn’t disappoint me. Over the years, my desire to stick to what I like has led to problems, whenever a favourite snack has been discontinued - or (this is even worse) when for some reason unknown to me, the manufacturer has decided to change the recipe.
On today’s (ok, yesterday’s since I’m a little late) GMM, Rhett and Link try discontinued snacks in order to determine whether they should be brought back or not. And, because this is GMM, and these items have been discontinued, the snacks are also more or less expired - but let’s not have that affect the decisions, right?
The first discontinued snack is Cheetos Sweetos, which for me sounds good - can you really go wrong with sugar and cinnamon? And if you can both eat the snack and use it to propose to someone, isn’t that pretty perfect? (Oh, and FYI, you can wear your engagement ring on the right hand, too, Rhett.)
So, it’s a no for the Sweetos from Rhett and Link, even with their versatile uses as jewellery and snacks. I personally think the spotted tiger looks cute, but ok, I’ll consume my cinnamon treats in some other form.
I’ve never heard of Pitch Black Mountain Dew 1 or 2, but if anything has a branding issue, it’s this product. Not only is that drink a very suspicious shade of toxic green (I really hope it was never black), but also, the name taints the legacy of one of my favourite sci-fi movies, Pitch Black. That’s what you should watch instead of any Daddy’s Home movies.
I wouldn’t trust Rhett when he says hard stuff can’t rot. I bet it can. And there are hard chocolate things you can suck other than Tootsie rolls, and I think I captured the moment when Rhett realized that himself (and based on the slightly disappointed expression on Link’s face, he realized it too). Moving on.
I can only eat popcorn if it’s hot and fresh. I don’t particularly like it, but hot popcorn is hard to resist. I’ve never been able to understand why anyone would buy popcorn already popped, in a bag, like this Israeli Bart Simpson one. I think popcorn goes stale in an hour, and in my books, there is no way anything as old as these popcorns can be edible.
I can’t say I’ve ever eaten snacks that are quite as old as the ones Rhett and Link try, and I’ve therefore never experienced the smell they talk about (and I hope I never need to). I tend to think that if my food has a smell that gives me an instant headache, I should probably eat something else. I took a class in microbiology years ago when I was supposed to become a scientist, and I can come up with quite a few things that could produce a nasty smell in expired food, let’s just say, none of the options that come to mind are good. I’m not saying I’d rather eat my shorts (like Link) or anyone else’s, but if you have to eat ancient popcorn, at least buy the non-popped kind, and kill whatever is growing in it by popping it in the present time.
Okay, those nuts have definately gone bad. Also, not to be an ageist, but 72 year old nuts of any kind do not sound appetizing. I do love the fact that Rhett instantly starts to talk about Grindr for old people. I know very little about dating apps, but I think old straight people must date, too - so why was the first thing that came to his mind, Grindr? (Also, this reminded me of the amazing series of Old gays on YT, especially the episode where they try Grindr. The old lesbians series is awesome, too!) And the way Link refused to understand what Rhett was talking about made me giggle. Woodchipper, yeah, right.
The GMMore was a Mythical Society voted SMore, and this time, the winning vote went to Rhett and Link reading each other love letters, and while they do that, they also prepare a discontinued box of Sponge-Bob mac’n’cheese. All of this after Rhett makes Link stare at him with blank eyes and a smile on his face by rubbing his chest.
In theory, reading love letters is a brilliant concept (and the one I voted for), but at least for the first two letters, the performances were a little lackluster. As famous as William Shakespeare is for writing all these amazing love stories, I have to say, it takes a pretty accomplished actor to make his verses sound romantic by modern day standards. Rhett and Link are not shakespearean actors, and they didn’t quite reach the emotional level required to deliver these verses, which are, in fact, pretty amazing.
Link taggles the sonnet 147, in which he basically tells Rhett he is madly, insanely in love with him. He can’t be cured of his desperate love, despite now knowing that Rhett is dark as night. Not the happiest of love, this one.
Rhett, in his turn, reads my favourite sonnet (of the ones I’ve heard / read, I am not an expert in Shakespeare by any means). Sonnet 18 is absolutely beautiful, and basically compare the loved one (in this case Link) to a summer day. Instead of saying that Link is as lovely as a summer day (which can be pretty lovely), Rhett says Link is more lovely. A summer day can be too short or too hot, and sometimes, due to weather, not as bright and beautiful as it could be, Link is eternal summer, whose beauty never fades. As long as they shall live, his love will last. That is honestly, the most beautiful thing you could say to someone you love. Rhett’s interpretation with rough sex, hanging buds, and manscaping is hilarious, though. Please, do make a series of Rhett and Link trying to understand Shakespeare. What is ow’st? made me laugh out loud (and it’s own nowadays, btw).
Stir the pasta is not an euphemism to anything, but I’m pretty sure Link’s response, “I like a good wooden spoon”, is.
The second love poems are much easier to understand, and whoever wrote them, did an excellent job. Link’s poem to Rhett was sweet, romantic and cute, without being in anyway over the top.
I googled the song Rhett mentions when he starts to read his poem to Link, and it didn’t quite have the same message as the letter. I think Rhett’s cheeks almost turned pink while he was reading, and with all the silly rhymes, this was very much like the poems people sent each other back when I was a kid. If this is what we get on a regular Monday, imagine what Valentine’s day will bring!
But how friggin’ awesome is it that after reading these, Rhett’s conclusion is that yes, he has a wife, but she understands - to which Link responds with “We all have our roles to fill”. What makes me smile about all of this is not that I actually believe these two are romantically involved in real life, but the fact that they are comfortable enough in their current lives to joke about how close they are without feeling too awkward.
And now I’m off to watch today’s episode, because this post took me way too long to write.
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