#gnome saga

[roachliquid]

Today the gnomes made themselves popcorn.

I didn't see them do it, I was at work, but I don't eat microwave popcorn, so it had to be them. But you know what's even worse? They put the bag in THE TRASH. Not even the recycling! You'd think they could take the two extra seconds to tell the difference, but no, they just put it in the regular garbage. Like they didn't even care.

I can't believe this. Trash is literally killing our planet, and they're helping it die faster.

[roachliquid]

I cannot believe these gnomes.

I woke up this morning to find my bed COVERED in sticky syrups. Honey, chocolate sauce, marshmallow fluff, it was all over. I was drenched head to toe in the stuff. And feathers. Feathers EVERYWHERE.

This is the most embarrassing situation I have ever been in. Me, a grown adult, subject to the kind of prank you'd expect from a 10-year-old child. How do you even explain this to your friends? Your therapist?

I don't even know where the gnomes got it. I don't keep that stuff in the house.

[roachliquid]

Ugh.

UGH.

I thought I had finally solved the gnome problem. I went and bought several sheets of glass - thick, expensive glass - and used them to seal up the ducts. The gnomes could still see out, but I wouldn't be able to hear their noisy TV.

I woke up this morning to broken glass everywhere. In my bedroom, in my hall, in my kitchen, in my living room. Luckily I didn't cut myself on any of it, because I have this beautiful expensive carpeting that I would hate to ruin.

I just spent four hours cleaning this up. Fuck gnomes.

[pixie-mask]

Love this quote

[twerkyvulture]

The gnome, unfortunately, doesn't know how to get you a job, but he does have garden-based magics and skills with constructing and repairing houses. Not only that, but he is very good at doing household chores.

Cool! He can help me to grow plants and herbs in pots, so I can have them for my bearded dragon and myself to eat during the winter and spring.

[twerkyvulture]

The gnome graciously accepts your fruit and cheese, apologizing for eating at your clothing and wondering if you want anything from him in return.

Oh that’s very nice. I don’t know what gnomes have to offer… can the gnome help me get a job?

[twerkyvulture]

As you wake up, you notice there is a gnome in your untidy, unlit nest. I is currently chewing on your shirt.

I mean… I can get the little dude some, like, fruit and cheese. It doesn’t have to eat shirts to survive.