First meltdown
In general, there aren't a ton of outward changes going on with my body. My breasts are less squishy and I'm having problems with acne like I do before my period (yay), but I'm overweight so I don't look pregnant. Nonetheless, weight is there. I don't like it. I've been working on it and making small progress. My doctor says it's okay to continue walking and hiking, so I'll keep doing what I've been doing. But. My body is a source of confidence and terrible worry for me. Last week, in my effort to plan healthy meals for baby development, I made a bean soup for us. I mentioned to my husband as we started to eat that I'd read using dry beans and soaking them was a good way to reduce emissions caused by beans, so hopefully this wouldn't involve so many farts. Today we were playing with our cats upstairs, and spouse said something to Marcie, our super affectionate gray kitty, about how he wished she would stop pooping. In my Marcie voice I said "Dad, I know what you do several hours after you eat a burrito and I still love you! I still think you have inherent worth!" We had a silly laugh about it, and then spouse said "You know the other night after we had soup, and it said it wouldn't make us fart, well right after you fell asleep on the couch--" Laughingly I said "I don't want to hear this, I don't want to hear this!" "There was this BIG one and I laughed really hard." And we were both laughing and then I wanted to cry and just kept moving the sponge over the bathroom counter in a circle as he said "Hey, I love you," and "I said it thinking you would laugh" and "Do you want to talk about it?" I shook my head but he just stood there and I started crying and he asked if I wanted him to leave and since what felt like eons before I'd told him I didn't want to talk about it, I said "YES!" and REALLY started crying. Augh.