Why did dirk have to recanonize davekat in the grossest way possible
Like was i the ONLY one who thought davekat was actually canon post retcon????? like when he chatted with john and shit????
bro i never told yall any of this but all the times i was reading through candy and meat even earlier i kept fucking confusing myself because i kept assuming that davekat was a thing
And the davejadekat thing was jade trying to open up a polyam dynamic with them which i was so fucking happy about
Not whatever this bullshit is.
Dirk i cannot fucking believe you. Away stinky blond man.
Reading the Homestuck Epilogues 6 [MEAT] (prt. 11-15)
So far, we have the normal Homestuck experience in the meat route, which is certainly a feeling. There's always that sense of foreboding in the future, but it's not all bad!
SPOILER ALERT: I rant. a lot. I have a lot of feelings about these sets of parts and it shows by the length. Thank god I'm putting it under the cut, because it really is fucking LONG.
NOTE: Instead of the usual 10 part reaction, I'm cutting it down to 5 because I got very heated about part 12 and i need to shave the length of this down. Sorry y'all.
read previous part here!
So, hilarious start, right off the bat. Yes, John, you're stuck. You are, essentially, homestuck. Haha. A motorcycle jumps off from the canyon, the crowd goes wild with dismay, and mass-unaliving. They're there until someone unloads them from the house trap juju, also they're in separate rooms. Hm. Would you call this scenario being grounded from the timeline? From canon?
John admits he thinks he has depression which is a huge step forward for him, but I'm also kind of a jerk, so I say "huh, ya think?" By the way admitting you aren't ok is very valid and appreciate yourself more for taking that step back-forward you beautiful person you. Don't mind my being a dick on the matter, I love Egbert and I love bullying them *gently*. Fuck anyone who invalidates your feelings. Find a support system that works for you, because you absolutely deserve it.
Oh we're right back with the political clap shit aight. Dave what the fuck are you on. Is economics the only thing you care about? Really?
Also I think Jane has a good point about restricting grist alchemy for "growth", but I'd be more concerned if she closed off EVERY avenue about it. Like, some people might really need a helping hand yanno? But also, alchemizing your way to progress is...really fucking disastrous in the long run. I'm just saying. Again, not happy with the way Jane handles everything, but some points can be argued for surface-wise.
Props to Jade for being the smartest person in the room. But also are you fucking STILL on the relationship thing? Hm. Well, this is the MEAT route, it could work out. I like the DaveJadeKat ship, just not as much as Davesprite/Jade or DavepetaJade obvsly. But also, I think they all should like reflect on past selves, a little? Karkat, I believe, still owes Jade an apology for being a dick to her. Yes I know he's mellowed out and I'm not sure if he did it in the OG homestuck, but my point is that I want them to have a reflection session or something. You know, a down-to-earth discussion. But who am I kidding, these people are dumbasses.
Jade burns them hard lol. At least this Jade says "you can say no", but also, she's right, Dave and Karkat are like, boring since they haven't really done anything exciting after winning the game. Like they've settled, which is sweet from a realistic perspective, but Homestuck is meant to have dynamic and fun characters, both of which Davekat presently, canonically...isn't. Is this why people are fed up with Davekat? Bc they're boring?
But seriously Karkat and Dave's inability to fucking be real for a second and consider their relationships without proverbially flipping off the handle is fucking nuts. Guys. Guys just skip the bullshit, please. Don't deflect, don't self-flagellate. I don't even care if you guys are just "friends" and you're "uncomfortable with labelling your relationship" right now, just be honest. For the record, not wanting to put an immediate endgame label for your relationship is totally valid, but you're both stupid for not fucking THINKING about it and not setting clear boundaries. It's giving Jade and the rest of the gang (and fans) weird signals.
Aaaand this is why I fucking want these three to fucking talk about how they're going to go about their dating scheme. Jade seems pretty intent on going pitch with Karkat, because that is how she understands Karkat to operate under, which is...honestly, something she likely got wrong. I personally don't think Karkat is capable of holding any pitch related quadrant, except maybe as a step-in for the ashen one. It's been discussed by multiple people, but I'll summarize it as: Karkat is likely aquadrantic the way typical romance is for trolls is like being gay to heterosexual relationships are for humans. Fundamentally incapable of intercepting. I could go on about how Karkat just exists outside the perceived sexuality/romantic tendencies for troll society, but basically, Karkat is the troll's version of gay. Y'know, aquadrantic.
JUST KISS YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. UGH.
Oh my god I'm just at part thirteen. Did I seriously spend that much time on the DaveJadeKat Dilemma? I did, shit.
This just in, Vriska opens the Juju and is immediately ready to fight a bitch. Or to see the ending, I dunno. Point is, she's there and she wants to look badass.
Ohhh, so there ARE some things godtiers can't come back from. I wonder if you need to completely obliterate the body to prevent resurrection.
Epilogue three starts with Jake and Jane, interesting.
WHY IS JANE SO FUCKING HORNY EVERYTIME. OH MY GOD. Well, no, not horny, just incredibly forward and suggestive and I just. Jane. Please. You have more class than this.
I have to remind myself that they're adults. They're adults. Far be it from me to judge them for making decisions I don't particularly agree with. Jake kissing Jane, though, sends all kinds of bells ringing in my head right now. Especially because he keeps?? Remembering Dirk? Jesus christ you guys have problems.
"You can't be nice to Jake" another point to Goddamn It, Dirk! No, you don't know what you're doing, you fucking fool.
Commercial break! We're back with the Lord English battle, which is ironically blessedly absent of all the double entendre, mental backflipping, emotional upheaval bullshit that's going on in Earth C. Please, can we stay here? Forever?
Rose is Dead. Oh boy. Here we go. Did John even tell Jade the green sun was gone? Shit, he didn't, did he. Oh well. Jade is gone too. Kabonkers. At least Dave is still here? Poor guy. He lost his friends. Jesus, he's genuinely terrified. Dear god I feel bad for all of them.
Davepeta is here to save all our collective asses and is very much deserving of the title MVP. For all of Davesprite's whining about not being the alpha Dave, I'd say Davepeta's the real Alpha Champ. Alpha Chad, if you will.
Did John just get vored.
No I'm not sorry about that phrasing.
LMAO DAVEPETA SAID IT NOT ME
Oh yowch, he got chomped on the chest. RIP John Egbert, you will be sorely missed.
>Don't fucking die" is a rather strong statement, it reeks of characterism. But who is speaking? John, or...Dirk?
Oh yikes, it's Dave's turn to get decapitated.
Once again, Davepeta proving they are the MVP. But they are technically a Mary Sue, someone who's so unbelievably perfect because they're a combined fused state of two delightfully flawed characters...hm. You should go watch optimisticDuelist's Kernel Sprite vid, it says a lot about Davepeta.
But, uh, what about John? He's still there stuck with a tooth in his chest, bleeding, and looking like shit.
