This Christian Life
Wow!! It’s been a long time I wish I would’ve put dates on all my post, but I didn’t. Anyhow, I’ll sign the date on this one. However, side note I started posting on this around June2018 and I would say the last post before this one was about November2018. I wasnt going to post on here, but I feel the need to maybe it’s God or me not wanting to write. This Christian life is tough and lately I haven’t been feeling like a Christian. I’ve hardly read my Bible, prayed to GOD, attend church, and to be honest I’ve just been filled with lots of doubt, fear and insecurities. Not to mention that I got too close into having intercourse with someone a week ago because I’m at the point of not understanding the point in all this. For many reasons I want to continue this Christian marathon because it’s not a race and to see the faithfulness of God that many people talk about. But I have doubts that come in a form of questions “Are my desires really going to be fulfilled? Is his plan really better than mine? Am I going to even live long enough to get married, have kids or fulfill my purpose? Do I have a purpose? Am I walking on the path toward my purpose? Will I ever be completely 100% committed to God?” I’m tired I am honestly tired. I know I don’t want to go back to my ways of the world because that came with a lot of brokenness. However, lately I just haven’t been feeling this Christina life either. Like how can one balance it all. How can I go to work, yoga, cook, sleep, read my Bible, pray, have a sabbath, read books, attend small groups, apply for grad school, get out of debt and so on. I try but something always seems to get neglected and lately it’s been God. I’m worried to go so far back that I come to a point where I don’t care anymore. Thank God for community!! If it wasn’t for them I don’t know where I’d be. I have to be honest though I haven’t been this honest with them mainly because I haven’t been this honest with myself. I just feel like right now I’m at a place where I’d like to call DISCOURAGEMENT in every area of my life.
04/2019
