Journey time, prayer first.
You know something I find extremely comical but also super sad? It’s been over a year since I’ve posted on my Tumblr. I realize that some wouldn’t think much of it but for me I know it’s not a good thing. It means I’ve been overly busy, trying to perfect my writing when I’m not called to write perfectly. I am point blank called to write. Write without hesitation. I think I always say something about God’s calling on my life to write. Well, that is still true the difference this time is I want you to walk with me on a journey. I’m going to be really vulnerable on this journey, it’s going to be a prayer journey. That’s at least going to be the main focus.
Update and rundown of this, I just was talking (texting) my best friend explaining to her that I know I am in a season of prayer in my life. I know we should always be praying but I haven’t been so good about conversation with my Heavenly Father, I wasn’t mad at Him. I just didn’t like what He had to say. I didn’t want to listen, I wanted my cake and to eat it too. I wanted this world and Him, and I know fully that we cannot have both, “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” Matthew 6:24. I haven’t really cared about what God wanted for my life since I was 20 years old, I’m about to turn 27 in 14 days. Man what a wreck I have been the past 7 years…
Father God, thank you for rescuing me. Thank you for never letting me go. Thank you for grace upon grace. Thank you Jesus for going to a cross to die a brutal, horrific, shameful death just so that your Father, my Heavenly Father could see you and only you not my sin but your beauty, your white as snow cloak. AMEN.
God has placed a million things on my heart over the past 7 years though, things I need to talk to Him about, I need to know why I am developing these desires and a heart for certain people, for certain aspects of life. I know that He has GREAT plans for me, I know He will call me deeper and higher every day. I am so excited. I am so scared. I am so fearfully and wonderfully made, and God is good so nothing bad could ever happen to me. I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan and I don’t know what that is just yet but I want you to know about it. I going to tell you stories, of past and present. I am going to tell you hard things, stuff I am really embarrassed about, stuff I am so ashamed about that I didn’t want to go on living anymore, stuff that I laugh about now.
I will you tell you stories of hope, stories of God being God so expect big things because I am. I serve a BIG GOD!!! My God loves me, He has a plan for me. He has a plan for you. I hope you will share your stories with me. I hope you will pray for me. I hope you will reach out and challenge me to pray for you.
If you happen to read these stories and are in them, I hope you will reach out and tell me about your feelings. I hope you will forgive me just as my Heavenly Father forgives me and you. I am a broken vessel looking for God in the mess of life.
Father God, I pray for these words. I pray for the words that will be written in the future. I pray that they will give you ALL the GLORY. I pray you will speak to the people reading them, God forgive them. Forgive us because we have sinned against you. God encourage them to speak out. God let them know they are SO LOVED by you. Father thank you for loving me when I am not lovable. God help me remember the cross. Thank you Jesus for going to the cross. All this is in Jesus’ name. Amen