#golfgoat

[possum-in-a-hat]

Joy, reading a te t from vlad: "how old is your dad (locke)?"

Joy: TO OLD FOR YOU AND HES MARRED!

Joy: STAY AWAY FROM MY DAD VLAD.

(I'm a pro vlad and locke shiper.)

[what-yadoking-likes]

The Payday gang need the slightest whisper of an excuse to throw a party these days. How could they not? They had more money than any of them could reasonably burn through in several lifetimes, let alone the one they actually had - so throwing lavish parties for themselves and their CrimeNet associates was a no-brainer.

The countdown to midnight began. Jiro, Joy and Gao Fong dutifully raised their glasses, more observers than real participants - their new year would come later according to the lunar cycle, and was always more enjoyable anyway. Wolf and Hoxton clung to each other, eyes carefully watching the seconds tick down so they could kiss at exactly midnight. Sokol, Duke, Jimmy and Bonnie had pint glasses filled with - something - that they planned to down as soon as the clock struck midnight, with a fierce bet between them on who would down their drink fastest (they had roped Aldstone into being the timekeeper for this dubious event).

Nobody expected it to be Vlad that caused the most chaos. As soon as the clock struck twelve - and a chorus of Happy New Year went up from the TV and the heisters who weren't lip-locked or drinking furiously - there was a fierce gasp and strain of Ukrainian swears from Vlad.

The contractor hurried across the Safehouse to where Locke was standing, sipping champagne from a delicate flute. He grabbed the mercenary's face in both hands, and pulled him down for a kiss. Locke mmmph'd and struggled and spluttered until Vlad ended it, pulling back with an exaggerated "MWAH!" that had the Safehouse falling into expectant, surprised silence.

Locke was beet red, blinking as if to check whether that had really happened. Vlad was smiling broadly, teeth on show as he slung an arm around Locke's shoulders.

"Happy New Year, everyone!"

[handhelld]

Hello Kitty gave them to him

[yarneyes]

PAYDAY SECRET!!! If you get to the completion screen for the San Martin bank job and wait 5 minutes you can hear Locke and Vlad making out! This is because they are faggots

[kittyjesters]

thinks about golfgoat. thinks about golfgoat. thinks about-

[what-yadoking-likes]

The gang have learned by now to avoid Vlad at all costs when Christmas is imminent.

Houston rolled under the van on a mechanics lay plate as soon as he saw Vlad’s battered van pull up outside the Safehouse. Dallas swore and immediately sank to the floor, cursing his aching joints as he threw himself under his desk, curled over himself impossibly. Clover simply locked the door to the security room and watched the monitors, suppressing her cackles as best she could.

Vlad was unperturbed by the apparent emptiness of the Safehouse. He pet the goat lazing on the couch with such exuberance the poor thing’s head jerked forwards like it had been whacked over the head with a mallet.

Locke was decidedly unaware of Vlad’s Christmastime shenanigans, because he walked through the common areas. Slowly, he turned, cautious at the unusual silence of the place. “Where the fuck did everyone go?” he asked himself.

“Eyyyyyy LOCKIE LOCKIE LOCKIEEEEE!”

From his cramped hiding spot, Dallas snorted. Hoxton grinned from behind the plant pot he was crouched behind (he had attempted to wrestle Dallas out from under the desk... unsuccessfully).

“What the-” Locke stopped and stared open-mouthed at the Ukrainian. “What the devil have you got stuck in your hair?”

“Oh, this?” Vlad plucked at the mistletoe as if it weren’t completely absurd to wear it in one’s hair. “Mistletoe! C’mere Lockie, give your friend Vlad a kiss-”

“Absolutely not-”

“C’mon! A little kissie kissie-”

[yarneyes]

Vlad calling Locke “Lockey” is SO DAMN FRUITY, what next ya gonna get married to him? Adopt a few cats? Fruitcake

[yarneyes]

98% of Lockes work is done while sitting on Vlads lap send post