Can think of at least 5 characters in the EU (3 villainous, 1 non-villainous, and 1 that hasn’t quite reached outright villainy yet, so there’s still hope for them I would say) who seriously need to have a conversation with Darak—because he gets it
Ok Megatron ain’t gonna hear scrap—and give me your saddest conceivable backstory writers—jestem gotowy (I’m ready). 🍿🍭🥤
(No famous last words on my part. Some sick animals gotta go)
Golobulus…probably not either. Also hella territorial to a comedic degree. We’ll see what he chooses to do
Pythona’s the one I still have hope for. She was friendly enough to Wheelie, so maybe Akronus can also talk some sense into her
Flagg, who most likely knows how torture is an unreliable form of extracting accurate information (according to history and studies), and also knew about Mirage, Bulkhead and Starscream (in which studying the former 2 apparently amounted to nothing), yet chose to blindly go after a conscious “metal monstrosity” (after preparing restraints for them in advance of course—hmm, wonder how many months those took to build, and wonder if those were actually meant for Optimus. Just some food for thought) in order to…get off on torturing them since he knows he can easily justify himself “protect the country” (which also apparently amounted to nothing)—
(Btw Doc’s still missing—)
And then got real pissy when confronted about it (while attempting to “apologize” to members of his own species), as he immediately resorts to making the confronter feel like crap instead of even feigning remorse—and then later going on a side quest to make someone else (whether they’re a good or bad guy is not the point) suffer: ☝️🙂↔️
/ He really fascinates me
Darak. Please. Keep that nightcrawling headhunting Unicron fueler (cuz Unicron…h-he literally feeds off evil too right) at comms’ length
(As like I said, some sick animals gotta go)
Just go befriend Carly and Spike, like especially Spike (who’s not villainous. At all. Just so we’re clear, but his dialogue lately whenever he mentions aliens concerns + saddens me [and I don’t blame Spike for wanting normalcy at the potential cost of his Autobot relationships—that’s on Prime. He made a promise to protect him—and he doesn’t even seem to realize that he’s been failing big time since the end of Volume 3])—
They hopefully won’t also get you tortured like how Solila did (and she didn’t mean for that. Let’s also be clear there)
Dear Vector Prime, Whatever happened to Koh-Buru-Lah?
Dear Tentacled Terror,
With the death of its champion Cobra Commander, Koh-Buru-Lah—child of the cosmic Serpent and sibling to Golah-Bulas—was forced into hiding, deep within the surface of Cybertron. Cut off from its worshippers and surrounded by the cold metal it despised, it was left in a catatonic state, paralysed and unmoving far below the feet of Rodimus Prime and his fellow Cybertronians for decades.
However, the dark deity's role in this world was not yet over, and Koh-Buru-Lah would be reawakened when Space War II reached Cybertron. Having already conquered Mars from the forces of Snake-Eyes, the Cobra Commander, the Serpentor sought to prevail where his father had not in claiming Cybertron for his own; and when he set foot on the metal world, the presence of his divinely-touched bloodline was felt by Koh-Buru-Lah. Reaching out to the Serpentor through his dreams, the primordial god drew to itself the Neo-Cobra Emperor, who gladly pledged his service. As a blessing to its new herald, Koh-Buru-Lah used the worship it had fed upon and its years of acclamation to Cybertron to create new followers: Kohlada and the Slitherfangs, fusions of dark occultism and living metal, nigh-unstoppable in battle.
In response to the Neo-Cobra invasion, Rodimus Prime's Autobots and Lieutenant-General Stone's G.I. Joe Xtreme agreed—with understandable suspicion and reluctance—to fight alongside the aged Snake-Eyes and his Cobra forces, against his half-brother's serpentine armies. Unfortunately, the outcome of this Cobra Civil War is clouded to my vision; I can only hope that Koh-Buru-Lah and its followers do not prevail, for I fear their ambitions may not be bound to their home reality.
Another successful trip to Toy Traders in Langley BC! Finally took the plunge on Cobra-La! Can't believe it's taken me this long to pick them up, I love the figures, but I think I was just waiting to find a Royal Guard complete. Another mic/breather/antenna for the want list...
Picked up an upgrade Targat and Cross Country for display, Downtown for my '89 run, and the awesome Tiger Force Roadblock because I love that helmet haha!
141: “Golobulus.” G.I. Joe “Real American Hero” Series 6, 1987.
Welp. This may in fact be the weirdest figure I will draw for this entire project.
Here we have the first of another 3-pack: COBRA-LA. This was the sort of “partner pack” to counter the Renegades pack preceding it. All of these characters were featured in the G.I. Joe movie that came out this same year. Ol’ Golobulus here was voiced by none other than Burgess Meredith (who played The Penguin in the Adam West Batman TV series, AND Rocky’s trainer Mickey in the Rocky movies).
Even as a kid, I remember holding this figure in my hand and thinking “Hmm.”
. The Cobra Commander miniseries is really good, you guys
“Is it because there’s a lot of aesthetically attractive individuals?”
(˶. .)
Everyone talks about Baroness, but a lot of G.I. Joe villains are pretty hot, yeah
“Wait, you think the slithery mashup between Palpatine and Mad-Eye Moody is—?”
Excuse me, you forgot Professor X
“More like Lex Luther lmao”
Okay and—?
(Ugh, when a villain makes that scrunched up smile)
(Mf escaped in the movie, btw)
“I shouldn’t have said anything. Can we just be normal about this?”
Both of us: No
This is an essential component of the conversation☝️
But just to make ya happy~ 👋
. In the first issue, CC gets into some trouble that he may or may not have instigated because the people (they’re not humans like CC but, like, parallel to them I guess) of this secret society known as Cobra-La started finding out about his secret boyfriend that he gets freaky with “the metal monstrosity” that CC found + started researching/experimenting on/torturing um—
“Wut”
“Some trouble?”
. Aw, that blonde girl looked like my human version of Nova Storm, RIP
(And I’m startin’ to wonder if I have a thing for characters with long ponytails)
. He’s fine. Kinda…
. After recovering, Golobulus (the badass so bad that he’s all sass and no ass leader of Cobra-La) summons CC to watch him be executed personally, because he disapproves of CC’s relationship dislikes anything and everything metal, apparently, and “values” organic life
. Ya know, in the same way that Megatron “values” sentient metal?
. Most overarching theme of the EU so far, here we go:
Sentient life, whether organic or inorganic, should not be measured in how useful it is for the purposes of conquest
“Yes, war is bad, conquest is bad. We know that”
Alright, lemme rephrase:
When we look at trees, what do we see? Wood? A home for animals? Complex systems working together to create a living masterpiece of color and texture that changes with time?
“Are you starting to say that it’s bad to cut down trees? You hoard love paper, so”
TO RESPECT LIFE, NO MATTER WHAT KIND, YOU MUST MAINTAIN BALANCE
We need to cut down trees? Ok so plant more trees to try and compensate
We domesticated animals for several purposes? Food? Clothing? Transport? Companionship? Treat them as humanely as possible
You don’t like other members of your species, but need to rely on them because society?
AT LEAST. TREAT. THEM. WITH. RESPECT
And as someone who works in a service type job, some of the folks who walk in don’t show nearly as much politeness/kindness/basic respect as they really should (and they ain’t got no charisma like Megs, CC + Golo), especially when it involves providing a form of care ✂️☠️🪮
“Alright! Chill chill chill chill—”
And now you know why I started reading Skybound ☺️
“Because villains and their entertaining drama” 😑
. Golo summoning CC was stupid (or…was it? 👀), because CC manipulates him into letting him go on this road trip to locate energy signatures or whatever, one of which is located all the way in Florida
. He leaves (and he actually does plan to come back) but not before bidding Megatron goodbye via another freaky session of theirs ⚡️⚡️⚡️
(This was the only time Megatron had any sort of aura besides his escape imo. As soon as I read Issue #13 whatever aura I saw him radiate had completely decayed lmao)
*Proceeds to breakout, get into a nasty fight with Golo so bad that he’s rendered blind as the metalphobe threw a trident in his remaining eye yay*
(Too bad the writers didn’t actually do anything with his blindness tho. I hc him as having vision problems which makes his troops using him in gun mode even more sensible with all the other reasons I listed 💔 🥀)
(“Okay so get over it and make that part of your AU”)
“If Golobulus hates metal so much then what’s the trident made out of—?”
. CC didn’t go alone, as the “Enforcer” (disguised as a human) is ordered to accompany him as a bodyguard
(T-There’s no need for me to show you what he does to this snake)
. Ok I lied he’s not. He reveals his true form + tries to kill CC once they eventually beat Resident Evil 7 featuring the Dreadnoks (led by Zarana) + a scientist working with energon (an impure version but it still works and this will be mentioned later in the main G.I. Joe series) that CC frees and “hires”
. Idk too much about them outside of Skybound, but I guess they all have Commonwealth accents (based), have a biker aesthetic and behave like Insecticons in that they choose when they want to listen (and selective hearing towards superiors will never not be funny)
. The Nemesis Enforcer…yeah (that snake was invasive but wtf), CC breaks ties with Cobra-La-La Land to form just Cobra (Golo throws a fit lol your disowned son likes metalheads deal with it while Pythona leaves to explore space) + allies with Destro
. Hell yeah we do 9.9/10 but if you don’t wanna see human blood + gore skip all good 👍
. The only thing was that they explicitly referred to CC as manipulative. Show don’t tell
We can infer that Megs is a manipulative bastard (and always has been since Sunbow + Marvel, but I understand why people don’t talk about that trait of his as it certainly gets overshadowed by his constant stupid decisions hehe), but heroic characters can have good manipulation skills too as Duke manipulates Baroness in his miniseries into sparing him
Makes for a good parallel between them 👍
Ooo what’s this 💻👀
YOOOOOOOOOO LET’S GO JOE DON’T TREAD ON MEEEEEEEEE 🔥🇺🇸🐍🇺🇸🔥
