While geese are a remarkably good at violence, majority of things could beat a goose in a fight. But the thing is the geese very often end up harassing and intimidating animals that could kill them in a second. Why? Because even though many animals could easily kill a goose, such animals are still very scared of geese.
In that moment when the honker of death is running at you and honking loud enough to bring about the rapture, you forget entirely that you are up against a small animal. I don’t think geese even realise that they probably couldn’t win a lot of the fights they enter, nobody has updated them that they’re not dinosaurs anymore.
I think that is the profound beauty of being an arsehole and a dick. If you are truly an arsehole your arsehole abilities transcend physical boundaries.
Summary: Fate has a funny way of bringing Spencer and Reader together.
Category: Spencer x gn!Reader fluff
A/n: I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!! (I got the idea from this tiktok)
Content Warnings: goose attack
Word Count: 1.3k
If you asked me how I planned on spending my morning, I definitely wouldn't tell you that it was being chased by a fifteen-pound goose. I would've said that I was going to grab a cup of coffee and take a stroll through the park.
To be fair, I had done the former; it was just that the coffee was now dripping from my shirt, the to-go cup dropped long ago and forgotten somewhere in the grass. The stroll through the park, however, had become a dead sprint as I ran like my life depended on it.
In a way, it felt like it did. My mother had told me about the Soulmate Goose of Enforcement when I was just a little kid. At the time, I'd thought it was a magical thing, and I couldn't wait to meet this legendary goose. But as I grew older, I realized that it was just a story, a fairytale told to children to give them hope and make them fall asleep... If only. As I was being chased by this comically large goose, my mother's bedtime stories came to the forefront of my mind and I realized how very wrong I had been.
I was sure I looked like an idiot. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, and my arms were flailing as I ran whichever way my body would take me. I'd circled the park twice now, and there was no end in sight. This damn goose was relentless. I saw a little girl watching with a huge grin, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. If only she knew how much my lungs burned.
Eventually, my suspicions were confirmed when the goose chased me right into the path of an unassuming man who was sitting on a bench, reading a book and sipping a cup of coffee. As he heard the commotion approaching him, he dropped his things and jumped up from his seat.
"Run!" I yelled to him, instinctively grabbing hold of his hand. He flinched for a second before squeezing it tighter and matching my pace.
"Is that a goose?"
"No, it's a dragon," I said sarcastically. "Yes, it's a goose!"
The man ducked under a tree as we passed it, too tall for his own good. A branch whacked him in the forehead and slowed us down considerably, letting the goose close in on us.
"Why is a goose chasing you?" he asked dumbly as if I knew how to speak goose.
"I don't know. Why don't you ask the goddamn goose?"
He looked back for a split second, just enough time for him to trip over his own feet and fall to the ground. I rolled my eyes at the mess of a man this goose had decided was my soulmate and frantically pulled him up to keep running.
"That's a very large goose," he mentioned as we ran. He was starting to run out of breath. This was clearly not a very athletic man. "It's a swan goose, and swan geese don't grow past 7.7 pounds usually. I'd say this one is about double that."
I groaned as we rounded a corner, almost bumping into a couple with a stroller.
"Why do you know that?" I asked incredulously.
"I know a lot of things," was all he could answer before the goose achieved its endgame. It had chased us right into the pond, and we fell in. I landed in the man's arms with a shriek, and the goose returned to its previous position relaxing with its goose friends. I noticed that they were, as the man had mentioned, notably smaller than our attacker.
I took a minute to catch my breath as the man did the same. He guided me out of the pond, and I immediately collapsed onto the grass. He followed my lead and sat down next to me. We sat in silence for a moment before bursting out in laughter.
I took a moment then to actually look at him for the first time. I hadn't had the opportunity to really take in his appearance earlier since, you know, I was being chased by a goose. Now that I did have the time, it was impossible to deny that he was handsome, for sure. He had a sharp jawline that contrasted nicely with his soft honey-colored eyes and bright smile. He had brown hair that fell just above his shoulders, and I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel to run my hands through it.
"Y/N," I said, sticking my hand out to him to shake. He tensed once more, just like he did when I'd grabbed his hand earlier.
"The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss," he casually told me. Who was this guy?
I decided to take a chance then, figuring I had nothing to lose. "Then kiss me."
He scoffed and turned pink at my words. He was obviously not used to getting hit on. It was kind of endearing. "W-what?" he stuttered in reply. "You don't even know my name." His voice went up an octave with every word.
"Then tell me your name," I didn't know where all this confidence was coming from. I blamed it on the adrenaline and fully expected to feel mortified when I came down from my high.
"It's Spencer," he finally told me. "My name is Spencer."
I laughed and gave Spencer an answer that caught him off guard, although he really should have expected it. After all, what did he think I was trying to do?"Well now I do," I mused. "So kiss me, Spencer."
He jumped back at my words, clearly startled by the fact that I was being so forward. I wasn't usually one to be so persistent either. That damn goose had just gotten into my head, and I'd be damned if I didn't give it a good college try.
"Are you crazy?" he squeaked. "Why do you want to kiss me so bad?" He looked everywhere he could except for me. I didn't blame him. I probably would have too. This was an awkward situation.
"You're telling me you've never heard of the Soulmate Goose of Enforcement?" I pressed. Spencer seemed like a weird dude, but surely he must have heard the tale. Just as I was wondering that, his reaction came, sudden, as he threw his head back and let out a laugh.
Looking back up at me, he quirked an eyebrow at me and said "you've got to be kidding me." I crossed my arms, growing tired of his uncooperative nature. "That's a bedtime story mothers tell little kids. You can't seriously believe that."
"Come on!" I shouted. "A goose just chased me into you, and then it chased us into a pond. An abnormally large goose I might add. If that doesn't mean something-"
I was cut off by hands cupping my cheeks and a pair of lips smashing into my own. You know that cliché in books where fireworks go off when you kiss the love of your life? That's exactly what this felt like. Or maybe that was the sound of a car backfiring on the street.
When we finally pulled away, I couldn't help but smile. He was good at that. Maybe he wasn't as inexperienced as I'd initially thought.
"You sure know how to shut me up," I laughed. He laughed right along.
"Maybe you're right about that goose after all."
"Well, that goose made me drop my coffee, and I think that's partially your fault." A smirk played on my lips. "I think you owe me a new one."
Laughing, Spencer got up off of the ground. This time, he was the one to offer his hand to help me up. "As far as I remember," he replied. "I lost a coffee in that debacle too."
Swinging his hand back and forth as we walked to the nearest coffee shop, I decided that this wouldn't be our only date.
