can you please mistreat me?

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can you please mistreat me?
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call me query <3 | she / her | 18+ | bisexual | sub
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I wish i was thin and pretty so i could look good disembowelling myself. Instead I'd have to cut through one million layers of fat like a fucking moron
I told him I was good at begging, but now I’m here with my hands tied in front of me by painfully tight ropes, head hanging in shame as I sit on my tired legs before a man who I had so wanted to be the victim for… and I can’t even fucking beg right. I’m trying so hard but every time I open my mouth it just shakes, the fear making it hard to breathe. I am choking on the air and the panic is setting in. I can feel my eyes growing wide with a petrified realization that he and I had talked about this once… joked about seeing me beg for my life, the tears streaming down my face.
I told him it would have been funny if he gave in… told me I was a special victim, and that he might keep me. But I also told him it would have been even funnier if he shot me right in the forehead after saying that, splattering my pretty girl brains all over the floor I was sitting on… How gorgeous it would be if I died with the false relief on my face.
His right hand has been behind his back this whole time…
…Guess I should start fucking begging.
I suggest any gore-lovers to watch this film called Autumnal Equinox. It's by Hollis Frampton, and, while silent, takes place entirely within a slaughterhouse. I have yet to finish it myself and it might be a little slow-paced for some, but I think it's very good.