May 13, 2019
What you missed on 8x05 of Game of Thrones
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What you missed on 8x05 of Game of Thrones
I am a superstitious lady. Every episode this season, I have worn my Not Today necklace and my "the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives" shirt to support my two girls, Arya and Sansa. Today, I have a rose (like the one Margaery gave Sansa) and a small sword resting on my book. And my boyfriend and I are drinking carefully chosen beers: Very, Very Far (for Sansa really has come so far) and Face Melter (for Arya). Come on Stark sisters, my sun and my moon, my Prince Who Was Promised and My Queen.
How to make a humorous GoT recap post:
1: Repeat fandom memes
2: Make all male characters losers, idiotic, or pathetic (for a guideline see: 1)
3: Make all female characters sass masters, perpetually angry, or super awesome (for a guideline see: 1)
4: Gay jokes
5: Whine about every single plot point in the medieval fantasy show that isn’t PC enough
5b: Snark about every instance of violence against women, shrug off horrific violence against men.
6: YAS KWEEN!
6b: When possible, excuse horrible actions done by female characters
7: ~~~MISANDRY~~~
8: Complain about all the terrible misogyny in the show every time a female character suffers a setback, is harmed, or isn’t shown to be right about something.
9: It’s funny when you point out how badly lit the show is.
10: Derail moments for good jokes by sticking a bunch of meta jokes in it related to points 1-9
I think that about sums it up. Apply these rules to any episode of GoT - with or without screenshots - and immediately become a humorous hit with the fandom.
Okay but forreal are the White Walkers going to arrive at Winterfell before the LoveBoat does?
Because I am gonna have some feels about that. JON GO AND GET YA GIRL. I need Arya to teach Sansa how to physically defend herself, please and thank you. Where's the Dragonglass? THIS is why we haven't brought up the burnt food- Winterfell will be the base of command and Sansa barely has enough to feed the Northerners and The Vale. How is she going to be able to feed Delilah's people/armies? Will there be any more Castle Black scenes? I mean TORMUND 😩 Ghost?!? Anybody?!? If he doesn't side eye the fuck outta Delilah next season I will be pissed. Littlefinger was speaking to all of us in this moment: "Sometimes, when I try to understand a person’s motives, I play a little game. I assume the worst. What’s the worst reason they could possibly have for saying what they say and doing what they do? Then I ask myself, how well does that reason explain what they say and what they do?" Hey Littlefinger, what's the worst possible reason for my boi Jon choking you out in the crypts? As a man who lived in King's Landing with Jaime and Cersei for 10+ years, I doubt it was brotherly love. JS. How TF did undead Viserion fly with those raggedy fucking wings? Why the hell did Samwell Tarly just head straight for Bran? Why not Sansa the LADY OF WINTERFELL? Are they saving Cersei's bloody bed scene for next season? What is the whole point of that pregnancy plot thread? Idk. Missandei has better sex than Delilah does, and her dude is a eunuch. That is all.
This is exactly how it went, right?
What you missed on 8x05 of Game of Thrones
What you missed on the final episode of Game of Thrones
What you missed on the final episode of Game of Thrones