#gothknight

[atomicapathy-blog]

(DM) → Karma & Tucker

@moonkarma: ???

[heartofagiant]

Of course I loved her.

I have always loved Alex. Of course I have. It was Alex who said hi to me first. I was new and Alex was always so bold. So it was her first, but we were us maybe from the first moment. certainly by the time we sat next to each other at lunch that day and then every day after.

It was me who gave Alex chicken pox and I know that doesn’t sound like love but when you love people you share things. We shared that. The long days isolated from everyone else. It suited us,  our own little itchy world in my parents basement surrounded by stacks of magazines and the classic movies that were the only entertainment my parents stooped to keep on hand for their solitary child.  Alex told me once she thought I resorted to writing out of sheer boredom.

It was me who shared that too. Maybe not much better than chickenpox. Alex read my first halting attempts at fairytales and my angst-ridden teen poetry. Then, later, my first novel and she still always gets the first finished draft of whatever I’m working on. She always has something droll to say about it, but she reads it all. Every time.

It was Alex who first bloodied a man’s nose for me. It’s happened so often they all blur together. Men are terrible and Alex is Alex. I do remember that first time he was just a high school bully who backed down. There were times they weren’t. We’ve shared enough ice packs and bruised egos, been in enough fights for and with each other to know where to be gentle.

So when it was Alex who told me she was in love with me and then kissed me in my car outside her house, like she couldn’t keep it back anymore, like a gasp for air in oncoming tides... I kissed her back, took her face in my hands and disengaged gently. Told her how much I loved her. That there was a boy, Sean, in senior year with us I was going to prom with. I don’t know if it was gentle enough. She still winced and things were strained for a while. But when prom did finally come around I ditched Sean long enough to find Alex with a flask out on the bleachers by the football field. We drank and made each other laugh. So, as it turns out, we shared that too.

And graduation. And college and two whirlwind nights in Italy when Alex flew out to surprise me the year I studied abroad. And then finally the same city again where we could see each other every day. Which we did. For a while.

She got married. And it was me, because it’s me and we’re us, who drove her to that first date. It happened a lot that way in those days. Alex and I stealing time together between her shifts and my writing and all our separate social events and travel and all the life that we didn’t share anymore by grabbing the fifteen minutes between things...plus the length of the car ride. Just snippets here and there. Not enough, but something. Something.

I liked her when I finally met her, weeks later when it was clear she’d be around for a while. I liked her. She was funny and warm and thoughtful. Impossible to hate. Later...I’d try. But for now we became fast friends and the occasional twinge at sharing mine and Alex’s world with someone else passed quickly and nearly went away.

I didn’t understand until I was standing in front of Alex in a dressing room the day of her wedding that something came loose inside me I’d never be able to name. Or take back. That had maybe always been coming. Or grown over time. Or that I just didn’t recognize as always being true like the supreme idiot I sometimes I am. It doesn’t matter. What matters is this: Somewhere between high school and her wedding day I’d fallen in love with my best friend. Too late. A day, and a lifetime shared, too late.

I thought it would fade, go back to where ever it had been lurking inside me all these years. But it didn’t. I went away then. Hid at home. Behind my work. Avoided Alex and everyone else in the world. What else do you do when a friend who had been in love with you gets married and you figure out you’re in love with her too? When she’s married. And her wife is funny and warm and thoughtful...and a friend of yours now too.

It was her...who came and found me. Knocking on my door with two cups of coffee and that gentle smile. Impossible to hate. She came to tell me she knew I was busy, but that she missed me. She never mentioned Alex. But it hung there between us I think. I never asked. Not once. And she never said. But I think maybe she knew.

And life carried on. The years passed. I dated here and there. The two of you were happy. To the end, you were happy. And I was there. I know that doesn’t sound much like love but Alex, you have to know by now...you share things with people you love. She shared you. 

Of course I loved her.

[fbicolfax-blog]

natalie remembered the day she’d joined their sector   &   they’d been made partners.  it was probably the best fit for both of them.  at first, natalie hadn’t really been able to get around that thick, brick wall that the woman so commonly held up.  she’d never ask, but as months passed, she’d figured that the blonde had been through something   ----   something she didn’t like talking about.  everyone had those things, things they would never bring up.  the brunette wouldn’t fault her for that.  

but, the two of them, together?   you couldn’t beat ‘em.  you couldn’t beat the way they constantly had each other’s had each other’s backs and if it came to it, natalie would gladly lay down her life for her.   that was what partners did.  natalie had no doubt that she would do the same for her, if matters came to that.  smirking over at her partner, she placed a brown paper bag on her desk.   ❛  you did good work today, griffin.  proud of you.  eat up, this paperwork’s gonna take all night.   ❜

JAC GRIFFIN.   /    HEARTED FOR A STARTER.   

[nullglitch]

endless edits of my fave ocs - 3/ ∞ ( aerin mazara written by @gothknight )

dnr unless tagged!

[cosmicpurplc]

a starter for the greatest @gothknight

The holiday season was back upon them, and Eleanor was already over all the Altham parties she would have to attend before she had even arrived at the first one. She knew there would be many though, it was so every year; the Althams loved nothing more than showing their incredible wealth and just how many people they knew. Thanksgiving was her least favorite to boot, because it was innately even more racist than they already were, but there was nothing to it. As much as she hated her family, they were still the only family she had, and so she felt required to attend. Every year, there were more new people she was introduced to, always full-named and boasted about how she had interned at one of the most prestigious law firms in the country, never adding that she had dropped Law altogether soon after and gone into teaching. Her cousin was there with a new girlfriend, as uptight and put-together and serious and arm-candy-like as they all were, so Eleanor barely gave her a nod before she was already looking around for the select few relatives that weren’t quite as awful as the rest of them. That was when loud bangs sounded. Not gunshots, but violent nonetheless, aggressive, predicting the same sort of breed of men that littered this room, just not as polished. And indeed, high-end thugs filtered into the room—she knew the sort, because her family had hired the same sort on occasions before—and started picking out women left and right, tearing them off male arms and away from just riveting conversation. They snagged Eleanor along too, a firm grip around her elbow that dug into the flesh of her arm but didn’t hurt her too much, and pushed her in the back of a van where all her older, female relatives were being squeezed together to fit. Happy Thanksgiving, right?

[digimmortality-archive]

boxing day, mistletoe, candle

MISTLETOE: TAG YOUR SHIPPING PARTNERS <3 OR TALK ABOUT A SHIP/SHIPS YOU LOVE

lmao WELL. i tagged most of my shipping partners in that last post, so i’ll talk about a few ships that i have. 

SO UH. FIRST OFF? all my ships that i have with carrie @shutteredsouls are so wonderfully done even if we don’t have the opportunity to write them much. we spend hours on hours on hours talking about the ships we have and throwing them into new universes and creating entire crossovers and AUs when we feel an itch. of course, i always cherish our OC ships and our root/shaw holds a very special place in my heart, but the most recent one we’ve had a kick on is one we’ve created an entire world for. i was actually planning on writing up a verse and a drabble for it today cause i can’t get it out of my head. 

i also have a fuckton of ships with my best friend of 7 years now ( holy mcfuckin shit dude it’s been so LONG ) @withdiiamonds . my favorite of which has got to be July, and it’s had the most fucked up development i’ve ever had the chance to write out. shoutout to all those lost ships we forgot from glee rping days and shoutout to our newest ideas ranging from frangel to luke/siya. 

AND ALSO @gothknight we’ve been doing weird shipping shit for years now, and i’m not even sure i can name just one that’s my favorite even though it’s obvious i have preferences. i love how we’re able to jive on even the darkest shit and still make the characters work at the end of the day. thank you for inspiring me to create my asshole cam and also letting my characters walk all over yours. 

CANDLE: TAG SOMEONE WHO HAS HELPED YOU ON A DARK DAY

honestly i’m just gonna be tagging the same people over and over again. those three mentioned above, foa, jason, D, and salem. ( @fatherofmachine / @mockeryofreason / @lbroughton / @apocalyptiicboy ) are all people who’ve helped me on some of my worst days. 

[unsctisfied]

Jessie had never given much thought to how movies interpreted her job. That slow motion just before a suspect was caught or a friend was returned home-- it all seemed so melodramatic at best. However with every corner she round, she began to finally understand. It took everything in her to not punch the wall as vivid images played like an old film in her mind. Whatever happened to the blonde, it was her fault. She should have kept her on a shorter leash, so to speak. Swallowing hard, she tried to rid herself of the possibility. Now was not the time to be distracted nor the time to short-sighted. This went beyond Jacqueline. It went far beyond her. But damn if Jessie wouldn't make sure it didn't stop with her. She could hear her pulse in her ears. The sound of feet splashing in deep puddles was soft-- subtle, completely irrelevant to her. Any other time, every sense would utterly alert, but all of hers was with the younger woman. Several yards away light bled through the metal door frame. Relief and utter panic both flood through her system.

 Each step ignited her feelings further. Watching the double doors forced open, she could finally breathe. Despite being told to keep away as they took down the bastard, she didn't. Her gaze flickered to blonde. It killed her. She felt an ache she hadn’t experienced in virtually ever.  There was so much she wanted to say. God, Jessie really wanted to yell at her-- wanted to nurse every wound back to perfect health. She was so completely pulled in two opposing directions as evident by her next move. “Jac,” she uttered, running full force towards her. Her hands gently cupped her face for a moment. She didn't know what she was trying to convey. Perhaps, she was asking for forgiveness for letting this come to be. She didn't know. Tears burned. They threatened to fall. “I'm going to untie you now... okay? I just need you to...” Drawing away Jac, she peered around them. Suddenly aware of how close she'd been. “Just let me...?” @gothknight

[popcultandlit]

@gothknight

The most intimate moment she’s shared with Valeria thus far was right after something so traumatizing that she finds herself sometimes waking up in fright, thinkin’ that Orion will be there to take one of them away. To do more damage. Usually, Val’s been able to comfort Ivy in those moments...and that’s when she realized - there’s more to what happened, there’s more that her lover isn’t telling her. Is it because she’s worried for Ivy? Shit, when isn’t she worried for the red head? Or does she feel as though there are some things best kept to herself? Ivy doesn’t want to know - she needs to know but instead of going about this in a way that could put Val on defense, Ivy decides to do her best with calming her, doing what she needs to do in order to balance and learn how to control her magick and her moods. She wants her lover to know that she can take care of herself...so that maybe that’ll leave room for Val to let go of her stoic stature a little more. After Ivy made it back to their room, where she found the darker haired woman, she slowly walked over to Valeria and took one of her hands. “Hey...um, we need to talk.”