explosive

private indie oc multi muse.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: THIS. Deal with this. Be with you when you answer that phone. Find Tucker. Hold your hand. Not be pacing around the living room for what feels like three days waiting for you to come back. I'm scared and I wish I wasn't away from you pretending not to be scared. Because usually when I'm scared you're there. And usually you're not who I'm scared for. Don't play games with me when the two people I love most in this world are both in danger and there's nothing I can do about it. Just be careful, Carmen. That's all I asked.

Carmen: Angelina, I'm not trying to play games with you. Am I terrified to death? You know damn well I am, but I can't let my fear consume me when I'm trying to get our kid back in one piece, trying to talk to the authorities, trying to control the press, TRYING to make sure YOU'RE okay, trying to make sure the entire world doesn't fall apart at our feet. I am going to be fine. I get to come home and sit next to you on the couch and hold your hand for as long as you want me to hold it, but Tucker doesn't get to do that today. I'm sorry if I'm trying to keep myself together too.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: Don't tell me how to be right now.

Lina: Not when I can't do this with you.

Carmen: Do what with me?

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: It's always you, carino.

Lina: Okay. I'll be here.

Carmen: No te pongas asi.

Carmen: Not when Karma's home.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: Are you?

Lina: I love you.

Carmen: I am.

Carmen: Its not me you have to be worried about.

Carmen: I'm gonna be home soon.

Carmen: I love you.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: When did we become parents with responsibilities?

Lina: Don't answer that. I realize that was my fault.

Lina: Please be careful, Carmen. I'm serious.

Carmen: I always am.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: Carmen

Lina: God I hate this

Carmen: I know you do and I'm sorry.

Carmen: But someone's gotta do it.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: Yes. Yes I do. Because these animals already have the names of two too many people that I love.

Lina: Do not talk to them, Carmen.

Carmen: They probably have the names of all of us, Lina. They can't know the police is involved.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: Good. That's a good plan. She shouldn't have access to them at all. Who IS going to be answering those calls, Carmen? Please say a police officer and not you.

Lina: I relate to that deeply.

Lina: I know. I know we are. If anyone can you can.

Carmen: You don't have to worry about who's gonna be answering the phone.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: At least let me watch.

Lina: Have the people who had her made contact again? Can we somehow confirm she's alright?

Lina: I'm sure. She got exactly one glass before I found the bottle. But keeping her sober is definitely a battle.

Carmen: They haven't, but I have a feeling they will soon. Regardless, I have a temporary new phone for Karma because if they're contacting someone, its definitely gonna be her, and I don't want her to be answering those phone calls.

Carmen: Keeping ME sober right now is a battle.

Carmen: We're gonna get her back even if its the last thing I do.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: I know. I still just can't wrap my head around it. If they do unearth him somehow, please call me. I'd like to put my heel down his throat.

Lina: Are you sure?

Lina: Yeah. I need to do something with my hands. I can't promise it'll taste good but I've already made Karma three different snacks she hasn't eaten so I don't think there's any stopping me.

Carmen: Not if I do it first.

Carmen: I'm sure.

Carmen: Are you sure she's not eating because every time you turn around she's downing another glass of expensive vodka down her throat?

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: I'm cooking. Don't ask why. So don't have dinner.

Lina: Whatever the price tag is we'll pay it but that's if they let us. I don't understand how he could just run from this. He has to know they have her. He's her father. Hell even if she was a stranger, I can't imagine just letting someone be hurt for something they didn't do.

Lina: He's her father, Carmen.

Lina: God I'm sorry. I'll stop. Are you

Lina: How are you holding up?

Carmen: Just because he's her father doesn't mean that bastard feels any obligation to her as her dad. People like that don't feel remorse for anything, even if it means subjecting his own flesh and blood to this.

Carmen: I'm fine.

Carmen: Are you sure you don't want me to pick something up instead?

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: Do they not understand that every minute she isn't safe is another minute that something

Lina: I'm sorry that's not helping.

Lina: I know it is. I know. And she's not doing so hot. I just wish

Lina: I miss you. It's been like three hours and somehow I miss you.

Lina: Has anyone been able to get in touch with her dad?

Carmen: You know I miss you too.

Carmen: I'll be home in a few hours.

Carmen: But no. No one knows where he is. I'm afraid our only option is gonna be finding a way to offer them an insane amount of money to get her back if he doesn't turn up. I'm afraid he won't.

[atomicapathy-blog]

(SMS) → 👑 el jefe

Lina: Please tell me your silence means there's been some kind of progress

Lina: I realize badgering you isn't helpful right now but

Lina: I don't know.

Lina: It just feels strange not being with you in a crisis.

Carmen: I've been talking to the police.

Carmen: Not only are men the most useless creatures of this wretched planet, they are also infuriatingly slow.

Carmen: I finally had a conversation with a female police officer, we made some progress.

Carmen: You staying home is for the best. For your safety and for Karma's sanity.

[atomicapathy-blog]

gothknight‌:

“Karma Luna,” Lina says her name, stern and motherly but it’s still soft and quiet. She touches a finger just under Karma’s chin. “Escúchame.” She doesn’t chastise her for finishing the drink, just sets the empty cup down out of their sight and keeps talking. “You have more power than any of us. I mean it, mija. That girl – you know her better than anyone. You know the secrets Tucker’s never told a single soul. You love her. And that’s what we need. That’s what she needs. And right now, it makes you feel like you can’t do anything, because you’ve saved her from everything else. You and your power. No one loves people like you do, angel. So we need you to stay in one piece, okay? Just for now, so when she comes back she has you to love her. Just like you always do. I’m scared too, baby. Scared and furious. And I’m going to stay right here with you until she’s back. But I need you to stay with me too, okay?”

She finds solace in Lina’s arms when she throws her’s around her back, but that’s when the tears start all over again. She cries with such force Karma’s sure she’s shaking Lina too. She wasn’t entirely sure giving her love would be enough, because today she doesn’t feel strong, she feels vulnerable and unprepared. Nothing in life could’ve ever warmed her up for this, not even their heavy road trip experience or standing and testifying in court to sue Tucker’s old manager for everything he had and his grip on her. Nothing. She realizes then, as she tries to quiet down her crying, that a single glass of vodka wouldn’t do the trick, but she also knows Lina would never let her stand up to grab another one. One glass only made her a liability, two, three or even four would probably help with the turning things off for an hour or two. “I can’t lose her Lina.” Her words are barely intelligible. “She’s the best thing that ever happened to me and it always just feels like the whole universe wants to take her away from me. If she doesn’t come back I don’t know what I’m gonna do”.

[atomicapathy-blog]

gothknight‌:

“I know,” It finally comes out. Defeated and sad and Lina has to try as hard as she can to not let her own eyes gloss over with tears a the way Karma talks. Firts, because her love for Tucker is so clear that it can’t be anything but painful and second, because it voices all the worries Lina had already had, about what they’d do to Tucker, how much time would be too much, and if the girl they got back would even be the same one they’d lost. She shakes her head. “We’re not going to let that happen, baby. I promise you. If her father stays gone – and some part of me damn well hopes he does – then we’ll get her out some other way. Money, the police, Carmen – we have so many resources, Karma. And Tucker isn’t nobody. They can’t keep her without making trouble. They can’t hurt her quietly.” Lina had to hope that Tucker’s moderate amount of celebrity would be enough that these men couldn’t kill her and bury their tracks. People would look. “Why don’t you give me that drink? It can’t be good for your stomach. And we need you at full Karma power if something comes up.” Perhaps that angle was a bit of a guilt trip, but Lina was trying to find a way to get the liquor away from Karma as gently as possible.

Its her safety net, that drink, like its the only thing keeping her grounded to reality when the only thing she wanted to do was to disconnect. She knows how unwise it is, to resort to a substance when things in her life were going south, but old habits die hard, and Karma’s were even harder to break. Ever since she started dating Tucker however, she had cut down substantially on her bad habits, the change was noticeable, but Lina wouldn’t quite know about the person she was before she met Tucker and the person she was now. She was still free spirited and lively, still sported that same bright smile and the starry eyes, but she didn’t have problems to avoid or questions about her life she would rather keep under wraps. Now, its like everything she’d forgotten about came barrelling down on top of her with unbreakable force and all she can do is stand and watch them pummel her, one by one. “I don’t have any power, Lina. I’m just... A girl from Silverlake with no practical life skills. The only thing I can fully offer her is my love and right now it just doesn’t feel like its enough to bring her back. Its not, because it doesn’t matter how badly I want to trade places with her or how much I would give away just for her to be here right now, its not gonna convince them to let her go until they collect their debt with her father.” And so she downs the drink in a single gulp, doesn’t flinch when she swallows, and hands Lina the empty glass.

[atomicapathy-blog]

gothknight‌:

There’s so much pain on Karma’s face, as she says the things that they’re all thinking. Why Tucker, why again? When would the world leave her be? It’s painful, Lina knows, to hold something so dear to you that the rest of the world can hurt. And she knows there’s even more in Tucker’s life that none of them have seen, more that came before all of this. But Lina doesn’t say that Karma’s right. Even as her own anger boils in her chest. “ Tucker’s tough,” she says instead, “I know she shouldn’t have to be but she is. I’ve heard her talk about that road trip, about the trial – she talks about them like good things. Because you were there. I know you feel helpless right now but we’ll – for now you can only wait, sweetheart. Carmen will find her dad. The police will bring her back safely. And then you’ll be able to do what you do best and love her until it’s all good memories again. It hasn’t even been 24 hours. I know it feels like forever. But she’ll be okay. There’s only one thing in the world I know is just as strong as Hope Tucker and that’s Carmen’s will power. Give her some time.”

“She always puts on a brave face”. They know who they are in their bones, both of them, and that only makes it worse. That only makes the image of Tucker sitting in a room full of drug lackeys probably torturing her for information worse. Information she can’t provide regardless of how much she wants to, information that shuldn’t matter, because this wasn’t Tucker’s fault. Whatever he dad did to get in this mess shouldn’t have to put her through suffering the consequences. Her fingertips touch the rim of the glass and she almost brings it to her lips, but instead she just grips it tighter. “You have to wonder how much... tragedy one person can go through until it becomes too much. I hate that she’s being held accountable for something she shouldn’t be blamed for, because her dad is the person he decided to be. i don’t doubt that she’s strong and that she’ll... That she’ll pull through, but I can’t help but think of what will happen if her dad decides to never show his face again. And the thought of all those men doing and saying horrible things to her because of him, for something that’s out of her control, and I’m sitting here safely in an apartment building while she’s being held hostage makes me sick”.

[atomicapathy-blog]

gothknight‌:

It feels unreal. Like a dream, where the bad news keeps coming and somehow her feet are still moving. Somehow she’s still standing but Lina wants to drink four glasses of wine and cry. She learned a long time ago to stay away from wine at times like this. And maybe that’s the wrong approach to force on to Karma but she’s not sure how else she’s keep the other girl’s fear and heartache in a manageable state if she lets Karma bury it in substances. She’s gone a little longer than planned, just enough to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and bring it back on a plate on her way back from the bathroom but it was already long enough for Karma to get her hands on something. Sighing, Lina sits down on the couch beside her and puts the plate between them. “Mija… “  She barely says it above a whisper, the vaguest shadow of a smile trying to assure Karma. “No one does. No one’s supposed to know how. But – I’ll cut you a deal; you can finish that if you talk to me. I know it feels silly but if it helps to keep talking.”

Not even the gentle sound of Lina’s voice is enough to calm her. Lina was good at that, finding the right thing to say at the right time, of investing time in her emotions and other people, in making her feel better with a short pep talk. They had been so lucky to find them, both her and Carmen, at a point in Tucker’s life when she needed this kind of emotional support. Now, its Karma who needs it most, who needs the courage to pull through and stay positive that Tucker would be home in no time, safe and sound, in one piece. “I -- Its unfair, you know?” She wipes her tears with the back of her hand, wipes them on her shirt. “Its unfair to her because she’s already been through enough. First Brad, then our road trip we took before we met you, then the thing that happened with TMZ, and the trial, her dad calling... I hate that life just keeps constantly reminding her how horrible it can be instead of being kind to her. She shouldn’t be kidnapped, she should be sitting here with us right now and the worst part is that there’s nothing I can do about it, Lina. I can’t help her. They don’t want money, they want her dad. How am I supposed to find him? How’s Carmen going to find him?”