Blind Date Gaming: Mixer #1
It's no shock that going on a large amount of blind dates is sure to result in a few duds. Not everything always clicks perfectly; you can sometimes tell right away that there's no chemistry. It follows, then, that such a statement holds when 'dating' in the gaming world, too. Granted, I try to give all titles my full attention, but some just don't end up lasting the whole night. For the games I got paired with that fit this category, I thought I'd still honor our (brief!) time together by sharing a collection of quick summaries. We'll call them 'mixers', and I'll share 'em as soon as I get a handful.
So let's kick this first mixer off with some pizazz, alright? Well, maybe just with some pizzas. Just remember that a second topping is extra.
Our first stop is Super Momotaru! Looks promising, what with the dude saluting us with a swanky peach hat! Let's not disappoint him, eh? We won't let a little language barrier stop us from-
Mmm, yeah. Okay. I, err...got this. I'll pick...those? Okay. Next!
Ehh? I'll take the, uhh...180. Sure! That's good, right? Like half a rotation? So then we can...
Okay so yeah I don't know what the heck is going on
Long story short, I think this is some kind of Mario-Party-like game? You roll a die and move a train across the map. It lands on spaces, reaps some kind of reward, and then you get to watch the CPU players go. What's the end goal? Why is the map completely open with no directionality? What are these items I'm apparently getting and what do they do? I have no idea. That about sums up my experience with this game: I have no freakin' idea. I do know one thing, though: it's really not fun. At all. Next!
Goukaku Boy? Never heard of this one. And there're over 10 titles of it? Well, let's try the first one out.
Oh. Yeah, okay. Lots of text. Like almost entirely text. Let's just choose some random things and try to figure out what this is...
Mmm. Yeah, it's trivia. Japanese trivia. Well, I can see how far random guessing can take me!
Nope, not far. Shock! Welp, that's about all I can do for this one. I'm pretty terrible at trivia in my native language as it is, so at least I can use the 'I can't read a lick of this' excuse to explain away my poor performance here. Bring me another! Hopefully this one isn't just another Japanese title!
Roger Clemens MVP Baseball. Great, one about SPORTS! Well, at least I can understand it. I like the whole attempt to emulate the successful ‘John Madden’ endorsement by usin’ Roger Clemens to try and boost sales. I'll bet this title is completely different than all the other baseball games out there!
Nope.
It's baseball. Not much else to say. Well, except that choosing a target to throw the ball to is maddening and nonsensical. Pitching controls don't make much sense either, and I don't think it's possible to get anything beyond a single and a home run. But hey, we get to see a generic dude and Freddie Mercury singing the national anthem, so there's that!
I think someone installed your flagpole a little...uh...crooked. Buy that company a level!
The least I can say about this one is that I got lucky at one point and scored a GRAND SLAAAAAM
You can just feel the absolute exuberance pulsing out of my body
Okay, okay, that was fine, whatever. Not super-good, but definitely not bad. I need somethin' better, though, somethin' that just...fits my need for mediocre entertainment. Let's try one more, eh?
Tetris! Finally a title with some recognition! So why's it in this mixer? Well, uh...there's really not much to explain. It's Tetris. I'm sure you know about it. Also, while the game is fun, I don’t really think it needs more than an hour or so to experience it. So I guess I'll just post up some shots I got while playing it?
Double tetris! I always loved the weird howl sound effect when you got a tetris in the game boy version. I need to make it a text message sound on my phone or something.
Oh yeah, we also got into space! Maybe astronauts use Tetris as part of their training regiment?
Truth be told, I don't think I've ever played type B in my youth. It lets you start with a bunch of junk all over your screen like this. Is this what a puzzle custodian has to deal with? They need to write their union and demand higher pay, 'cos this is horrible.
At least I got the band in here to jam with me. Looks like my next piece is a couple of ladies waving hankerchiefs. Are...they made out of 4 blocks, too?
Well, I've taken enough space up this time. All told, some duds, some meh, and some Tetris. Basically explains my time at the old computer labs at school back in the day. But hey, it was a nice change of pace, I guess! Thanks for humoring me on this mini dating spree. As a token of my gratitude, take this Sprite of Passage. Each title gave me a quarter of it, like some horribly-generated Heart Container in a Zelda game. It's...unique? We'll go with that. It may also be contagious, so don't share it with friends or pets.
Truly a work of fine art for the ages