#gratuitous selfie

[thetiethatvines]

pov you told me to wear sunscreen and i forgot but i’m being really cute about it

[n0cnimura]

[looneygoons]

bird body*

[wildnoraa]

[butitepsi]

hiiiiii

[totallyboatless]

The horrors persist but so do i and one of my favorite gender euphoria looks worked to make me feel better today so here is a gratuitous mirror selfie

I’d like to thank my third year of 2nd puberty, being obsessed with gay hockey, and @brofisting designing an ABO Fraternity clothing line for enabling me to look like a fuckboy

Get your own cursed fake fraternity omegaverse shirt here:

Official Store of Alpha Beta Omega Fraternity | A Bad Influence Press Project | Bonfire

Show your ABΩ Fraternity pride with this official* merchandise!

[allornothinglove]

This fucking desert golden hour, though

[blackbirdcreek]

Winter 2024 I was making mass quantities of artwork at a pace I knew was unsustainable and also drinking a lot and still masking heavily but now in a completely uncontrolled way. I felt empty and hollowed out. I would get triggered and switch and act like a completely different personality depending on if I was in fawn, freeze, fight, flight, flop. :\ Still aware most of the time, but not able to get back to my self easily, or if so, still feel excessive shame for it. The crazy thing about my dissociative symptoms is how I can sometimes be hyperaware of what's happening, but other times have complete or partial amnesia of the event. Sometimes I would remember a day or so later. Sometimes weeks or months. Sometimes never. Sometimes years later in therapy. It got particularly difficult after I attempted to work in education again and realized I was increasingly dissociating my shifts away even if it seemed like I was present and attentive and teaching students. I think I got really really good at going into a sort of teacher-mode autopilot, but then i'd get triggered by something, and have even more difficult recalling events until much later. Working on mitigating my triggers and practicing mindfulness has helped immensely. The hardest shit about it is that you have been inadvertently or otherwise trained to hate yourself by self centered people, but you need to be purposely self centered to heal. And you will continue to feel intense shame for putting yourself first or actually allowing yourself to feel any kind of joy or pride in yourself and your achievements and your home and your family and your life. You can face the objective truth of your accomplishments and friends and family and still think you are scum and undeserving. Breaking the conditioning is the most intense and painful thing I have ever experienced, having to face all of my worst and lowest moments one at a time, sometimes everything at once. And yet it's the most rewarding and spiritual and incredible thing to have been blessed to experience.