Discover Top Posts Tagged with #gravesides

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Janus stared at his reflection. It was in that brief window where Thomas was technically awake, but in a sleepy daze and not even bothering to open his eyes. Which left the Sides time to awake and to mentally prepare for the day in their rooms.

And today–today would take mental preparation. Things had changed yesterday, but now they had settled and it was time to see just how much. Janus was staring at his reflection, trying to note how he had changed. His new emblem now rested on top of his capelet, rather than underneath, but that was a minor thing. Most of his attention was drawn to his left eye. His brown, human-looking left eye. He was relieved that at least he kept his scales and other serpent-like features. Being a snake was a large part of his self-image. But the loss of his one serpentine eye was something he felt keenly. He couldn't deny a stab of bitterness at Logan for taking it from him. For taking so much from him and not even realizing it.

Sure, he could change it back. Perk of being imaginary, or pseudo-imaginary, at least. There was something odd going on there, but it was merely one of a laundry list of changes that needed to be examined. But it would feel disingenuous. He lost it for a reason and hiding that loss felt wrong.

And the fact that hiding that anything felt wrong, felt just as wrong.

As he continued staring, his reflection's eyes vanished into his skull and the flesh on his face started to wither and rot. “Good morning, Remus,” Janus said in a voice that was tired-trying-to-be-pleasant.

Remus cackled as he fell through the mirror. “At least you've got manners. Nerd-boy just ignored me when I went to congratulate him on his new digs. And congrats on yours. But stare any deeper into that mirror and I'd think you were my brother.”

Janus winced a bit. Realizing his room was no longer where it had been was a blow. “This has certainly been an adjustment. And I think an important distinction is Roman actually enjoys looking in a mirror. I was trying to catalogue changes. Just the eye and the emblem, as far as I can tell.” Should he change his outfit to reflect his new role? His look was perfect for Deceit, but did it fit for Self-Preservation? Something else to add to the list. “But that's not overly important. I'm glad you stopped by, Remus. I have a job for you, if you're so willing.”

Remus perked up immediately. “Yeah? Lay it on me, Snake Daddy.”

“Denial is a… delicate thing to get right. It has to be enough to override Thomas and the other's logic, but not so strong that it becomes worse than the problem it's circumventing. I've had to wield it with exquisite skill over the years. But I am no longer its wielder, and not only will Logan not be delicate, as he can't even acknowledge to himself he's doing it, the fact that he's embraced denial over logic means Logic is out of the picture and the margins are even slimmer. I expect the others will help me with keeping Logan in check until he comes back to himself, if he ever does, but Thomas cannot afford to fall into denial about this again.”

“So where do I come in?” Remus asked, sounding bored.

Janus knew he wasn't, though. He knew Remus more than any other Side. Remus was refusing to give acknowledgement until he received it. “If we are unable to curb Logan's new powers, I need you to make Thomas face facts. Logan can't silence you. No one can. If you need to rub Thomas's nose in the fact that he's undead, so be it. Give it your worst. Whatever it takes, to keep him from falling into repression. You're the last line of defense, Remus. I'm counting on you.”

Remus broke into a grin, and Janus was shocked to see it looked like the darker half of Thomas's creativity was about to cry. “Thanks for still being cool, Janus.”

That was unexpected. “Was there a reason I wouldn't be?”

“Because you're one of the popular kids now.”

“We are in a temporary truce due to a state of emergency. Who knows how long it will last?” Janus pointed out.

But Remus shook his head. “You and the nerd swapped more than you think. It's more than just knowledge versus denial. You're Self-Preservation. You're going to be the biggest key to Thomas's survival. The others aren't just going to tolerate you, they're going to look to you. You're a Light Side now.”

Janus rolled his eyes. “I refuse to kowtow to Roman's separating us into Light and Dark. It's merely a side-effect of his desire to play hero by having a villain to fight. We are merely the Sides Thomas has embraced and those he has pushed to the side. Those he has Othered.”

“Call it whatever you want. Thomas needs you front and center now, and our snake-eyed swot has been pushed back to my neck of the woods.”

“Logan has my eye?” Janus grumbled.

“Two of them. You wore it better,” Remus promised him. “My point is, you're going up in the world. I'm not the only regular contact you have.”

Janus sighed. “Remus, I no longer contain any aspect of denial. That means while I can encourage Thomas to lie to others, I cannot lie to Thomas or any aspect of him. So know I speak the truth when I say you are an unmitigated freak, a complete mental clusterfuck, and my dearest friend. I value your presence and will not pretend you don't exist or have purpose.”

Oh, crap. Remus was crying now. Janus tentatively opened his arms and Remus took the invitation for a hug. Janus tried, hoping this still worked, and extra arms snaked around Remus, patting him on the back. “Thanks, Janus. Oh, and you might want to brace yourself. Thomas is finally opening his eyes and–”

There was a scream and a feeling of falling shook the mind palace, knocking Remus and Janus to the floor.

“–and Thomas was levitating in his sleep,” Remus cackled.

“Well, I suppose I should go survey the damage. Thank you for your continued assistance, Remus." Janus tipped his hat.

“Thank you for not forgetting me. Hey, think I could bug Lo-Lo into facing facts?”

“If you think you can, knock yourself out. Whatever gets us through this quicker.” Janus rolled his eyes. Thomas needed his Logic, and Janus wasn't sure what they would do if Logan’s new state became permanent. “I'll go deal with Thomas's current predicament.”

“Aye-aye.” Remus gave him a haphazard salute and sank through the floor. Probably to find Logan.

Janus braced himself and sank out as well. A new day was dawning, and it was his job to deal with it.

~

The first thing Thomas realized when he woke up was that nothing looked familiar. He twisted and turned, trying to make sense of his surroundings. It was then that he realized he was actually floating midair. He yelped as gravity suddenly reasserted itself and sent him crashing into the floor. Fortunately it was a soft landing, as there was a pile of blankets, pillows, and other soft things cushioning the floor beneath him.

“Thomas is awake!” he heard Joan call out.

“I heard!” Talyn responded.

Right, he was still at Joan and Talyn’s. Except he knew he’d gone to sleep on the couch and now he was in their bedroom near their dresser. “Guys, how did I get up here?” he called down.

Janus rose up next to him and offered him a hand up. Thomas took it without thinking until he was back on his feet.

“Wait–?”

“If we’re solid enough to give CPR, I’d say we’re solid enough to give you a hand,” Janus explained. “Even if we cannot interact with others, at the very least, we can interact with you.”

CPR. Right. “I was really hoping that was a dream,” Thomas admitted.

“Understandable, but you cannot let yourself fall under that fallacy.” Janus seemed to struggle to find the right words. “In regards to this, at least, Logan has become an unreliable narrator. His historical and scientific facts are likely to be correct, but you cannot take him at his word at what is, and is not, happening to you. At all.”

“I know Logan was having a rough time yesterday, but he might have gotten better after sleeping on it. Don’t you think that’s a little harsh?” Thomas asked.

“I’m afraid it is not.” Roman appeared, but with none of his usual gusto. “He came to me seeking aid last night. His room had moved and he could not find it, though we eventually located it near where Deceit’s room is. Or was, as it’s no longer there.” Janus winced. “He declared it a prank on his person, but none of us can affect where we dwell in the Mindscape. I know not what he currently represents, but for the time being, Logan is no longer your Logic.”

“I can take a guess,” Janus said grumpily. “And I hate to remind you, but I’m not Deceit anymore.”

Roman swallowed. “Of course. My apologies, Janus. I suppose I’ve known you by that name so long, it’s hard not to think of it first.”

“I am aware. It… hurts to feel it sound wrong to my ears. I also don’t like this forced honesty I am enduring.”

“Hey, Thomas, did we pad the floor enough for you?” Talyn asked as he and Joan came into the room.

“Yeah, I guess. It didn’t hurt when I fell, but how did I get here? I’m pretty sure I fell asleep on the couch. Did I sleepwalk? Tell me I don’t have to worry about that now,” Thomas fretted.

“Walk… may not be the right word.” Talyn hedged.

“We’re directly above the couch,” Joan explained. “And given how you were floating about four feet off the ground when we woke up, you probably got here directly.”

“So I not only sleep fly, I can sleep fly through ceilings.” Thomas gripped his head in his hands. “That is worse. That is so much worse.”

“We’re going to have to figure something out for that.” Joan admitted. “But, you were just kind of floating even with the bed, so maybe you just subconsciously wanted company?”

“Are you saying I’m a clingy ghost?” Thomas wasn’t even sure if his annoyance was real or for comedic effect.

“I’m saying you passed right through the blanket and the ceiling, but kept a grip on your bear.” Joan said with a raised eyebrow.

“Thomas, you went through something horrible yesterday. Of course you want as much familiar as possible.” Talyn pointed out.

“This would be easy enough to test,” Janus offered. “Just have them join you in a sleep over in the living room tomorrow night. If you don’t float off, then it’s confirmed. If you do, back to the drawing board. Perhaps one of us could stay out and keep you grounded.”

“Yes to the second, no to the first.”

“Please fill us in on the not-so-imaginary friend suggestion.” Joan requested.

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Janus suggested one of them stay out while I’m asleep and either hold me down or wake me if I start floating.”

“Neither of which you would object to, what else did he say?” Joan pressed.

“It doesn't matter. We’re not doing it.” Thomas insisted. “I just woke up. Can I get some coffee before heading home.”

“Coffee, yes. Heading home, no.” Talyn folded his arms. “Not until we figure out how to get rid of that death echo.”

“Except we have no way of knowing how to do that.” Thomas pointed out. “By that stipulation, I may never be able to go home.”

“We can at least try and look up Death Echos today.” Joan offered. “Maybe there’s an easy way to get rid of them?”

“Maybe.” And maybe the world would start making sense with coffee, but somehow Thomas doubted it.

At least coffee was normal. And he could use that. For half a second Thomas entertained the idea of getting back downstairs the way he got up. But the thought of free falls from the second floor to the first was enough to get him using the stairs.

“You could try to float down the stairs?” Roman suggested, rising up.

“I don’t want to float down the stairs.”

“Maybe if you get better at floating, you won’t sleep float?” Roman said in a sing-song voice.

“Roman, drop it.” Thomas growled.

“I’m just saying.” Roman held up his arms non-threateningly.

“How did you hide talking to them before?” Talyn asked.

“I didn’t.” Thomas explained. “Or, more I didn’t talk to them when other people were around. They’re imaginary friends I conjured for internal debates. I don’t need to do that when I’m around other people.” He shrugged. “And now they’re showing up unbidden, but you guys know they’re there, so it’s not a big deal if I talk to them.”

“Unless you get too used to us, and you start talking to us when you’re in public, and people think you’re crazy and talking to yourself, which you are. Talking to yourself. But maybe crazy too?”

“Thank you, Virgil.” Thomas didn’t know how much sleep he’d gotten, but he’d err on the side of ‘not enough’.

“Do you want us to pour you a cup?” Talyn offered. “Or at least get you some breakfast too?”

Thomas glanced at the dining room table and saw two half eaten plates of food. “Nah, I got it, finish your breakfast.” He headed to the kitchen, but as he passed the pantry, his foot landed strangely and he found himself tumbling forward.

Joan and Talyn had just sat back down when they heard a yelp followed by the sound of a wave of falling cardboard and crinkled plastic. They both shared a look, bracing themselves for whatever fresh hell awaited their friend and got up to join him.

“What happened?” Thomas asked, confused, as he stood back up.

“I’m going to guess you were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s worth of cereal boxes fell on you. Here, let me help.” Talyn started picking up the cereal boxes and putting them on the counter.

Thomas helped, or tried to, but half the time his hand just passed through the box instead. “Ahhhhrrrrr…” he grumble-growled. Because, of course, he couldn’t even clean up his own messes.

“We’ve got this.” Joan promised. “Just need to see where the shelf needs to be tight–” They cut off as they grabbed the shelf and tried to wiggle it. The shelf stayed firmly in place. “Huh. Not sure how the cereal fell then,” they admitted.

“I don’t know. I just tripped and grabbed the shelf to catch myself and suddenly all the cereal–” Thomas mimicked the motion while he tried not to whine. He was just… so done with everything.

“At least the bag-clips kept the cereal from spilling,” Talyn pointed out as he put a box back on the shelf.

Only for it to slip through the wood and crash to the floor once more.

Joan looked askance at the cereal box and the shelf. “Don’t move,” they instructed Thomas, “Keep your hand on the shelf.” They then reached up and poked their hand through the shelf, wiggling their fingers at the end. “I think I just got a feel for what the past twelve hours has been like for you and it’s very weird.”

“What’s happening?” Thomas asked, wide-eyed and not a little afraid.

Joan pulled their arm away. “Okay, let go now.” Once Thomas did so, they put the box back on the shelf where it sat normally. “I think if you’re touching something when you phase out, it phases with you.”

“Not always.” Talyn pointed out. “The weighted blanket last night went through him.”

“So did the couch blanket, but Benjamin and his clothes stayed with him. There’s variables, but maybe he can learn to control it.” Joan shrugged. “But if you can channel your powers into others…”

“No!” Thomas protested, immediately seeing where Joan was going. “We don’t know what’s going on with me and I’m not risking your life giving you my power of flight unless we know it’s safe.”

“Fine.” Joan rolled their eyes. “But if we discover it is safe?”

“Okay, then. But not before.” Thomas steadied himself. “And if I get enough control to stop randomly phasing out, I can take you flying Superman-style.”

“Sold.” Joan reached out their hand to shake and Thomas was relieved he could do that much without catastrophe.

“I hate to ask, but do you have any styrofoam or paper coffee cups? I’m not sure my hands should be trusted with ceramic right now.”

“Iced coffee with a straw?” Talyn compromised.

“You are a life saver.” Thomas did his best with the remaining boxes and was mostly successful, even if it took longer than he'd like. “I can’t wait till this is over.”

“Joan,” Talyn hissed suddenly, clutching the iced coffee. “Something is eating our food!”

“What kind of fuckery–” Joan craned their neck around the corner. “Okay, I’ve got nothing. Thomas, any idea what the fuck that is?”

Thomas joined them and stared at the figure standing on the table and eating Joan’s oatmeal. “It’s the cat.” Thomas said, his voice, full of dread.

“I like cats, but that is not a cat.” Talyn said.

The spectral figure noticed them and, as if in defiance of Talyn, gave a happy meow and flew over to Thomas, purring.

“Mewcifer!” Virgil popped up and scooped the kitty out of mid-air.

“Virgil, we’re not calling her Mewcifer.” Thomas said, still staring at the cat in disbelief.

“Mewcipher is an amazing name.” Talyn said, reaching out to pet the cat-like thing. “Is Virgil holding her? She looks like she’s being scooped.”

“Yeah, she may be ghostly white, but she definitely has orange-cat energy.” Thomas slumped in the chair. “I thought she was dream. I did not want the cat to be real.”

“Do not disregard Freyja. She is a joy,” Roman protested.

“And do not fall into Logan’s trap of deciding everything that happened was a dream,” Janus warned soberly.

“I didn’t say all of it was a dream,” Thomas protested. “But you have to admit the multiverse-spanning exposition cat was… kinda out there.”

“Multiverse-spanning?” Joan asked.

“She came with a note.” Thomas dug the scroll out of his pocket and handed it to Joan.

Joan unraveled it, took one look at the glowing runes, then looked away. “Okay, this isn’t quite as bad as when you did the eldritch thing last night, but it’s up there.”

“According to the note it’s written in the Language of the Dead and, well. Confirms… we’ve got an answer.” he swallowed. “There’s more, but I don’t want to go into it more than once.”

“You want to wait till the others are here?” Talyn surmised.

“Yeah. I know it’s going to be a while since EMTs work stupid hours.” Thomas acknowledged. “And maybe bring in the others like Quil and Jamal and Calypso and–”

“Thomas, you must be more careful. The more people who know, the more dangerous this is for you,” Janus warned.

“Thomas needs his friends,” Virgil argued.

“I’m with Virgil on this one, Janus. I am going to need a LOT of help. And do you really think I’d be able to hide it from them? What would Quil respond better to, me explaining everything upfront, or having to explain when he’s helping with my makeup for a video and the brush randomly goes through my head.”

Janus pinched his nose. “There is truly no way to currently keep it from them without cutting them out of your life at this point and that would only raise suspicions,” he rationed aloud. “You know I despise everything about this?”

“There is a lot to despise,” Thomas agreed.

"Speaking of despicable things, this joke has gone on long enough!” Logan barked, appearing suddenly behind him.

Thomas jumped a little, hovering an inch or so off the ground before gravity claimed him again. "Logan, you scared me, I didn't see you rise– are you okay?" Thomas's surprise quickly morphed into concern.

"I am frustrated, but otherwise fine," Logan reported.

"You sure?" Virgil asked skeptically. "Your eyes look like you have some serious cataracts."

"I've always had poor eyesight. It's why I wear glasses." Logan said as if stating the obvious.

"They're not cataracts, they're brille," Janus said bitterly. "The scale that covers a snake's eye. They get cloudy like that when they're overdue to be shed." No wonder Remus had said he wore it better.

Roman ignored the concept of personal space and got as close as he could to Janus's face, who couldn't help but let out a sibilant hiss. Then he shifted to Logan, looking as closely into his eyes as he could through the clouded lenses. "You stole Janus's eye."

"That's impossible," Logan rolled his eyes. "And besides, Janus isn't the one being pranked here."

"I told you last night, it wasn’t a prank,” Roman said, exasperated.

"Why don't we let Denial tell us what's happening?" Janus asked.

"Thank you, Janus. Not only was my room somehow moved last night, once I awoke to what felt like a small earthquake, I couldn't find my way out of the Mind Palace, despite having successfully navigated it several times in that past."

"Logan…" Virgil's voice sounded very unsure. "Why did you respond to Janus's suggestion?"

"He asked me to?" Logan seemed confused about the question.

"He asked Denial to." Virgil sounded like he really wanted Logan to be able to logic his way out of it.

"No, he said my name, quite clearly. You must have imagined it."

Janus had the look on his face of someone who was right and hated that fact.

“Okay, okay.” Virgil took a deep breath, knowing there was a panic attack coming and he couldn’t hold it off for long. “Logan, I’m going to tell you something. You’re going to think it’s unimportant and doesn’t relate to anything at all. But I need you to hear this, okay?”

“Okay?” Logan sounded confused.

“Roman’s view of Light Sides and Dark Sides is dramatic bullshit he made up."

“Hey!” Roman protested.

“It’s easiest for him to divide things into good and evil, so that’s what he did, but that’s not the reality of the situation at all. Remus agrees with him, because as much as they can’t stand each other, they are the exact same flavor of dramatic bitch.”

“HEY!"

Virgil continued on over the Prince’s protests. “Janus thought of us as the ‘Others.’ Sides Thomas purposefully didn’t want to think about, but that’s not right either. Because Thomas can’t banish what he doesn’t know about and he didn’t know about any of us when this started. Thomas having control over that is about as realistic as Patton having the ability to just banish us willy-nilly. That’s not how any of this works.”

“Why would I even do that?” Patton asked.

“You wouldn’t. The whole point of my argument is that it’s ridiculous,” Virgil explained.

“Ohhhh.” Patton nodded.

Logan sighed. “If this is about Remus’s comment about my becoming a ‘Dark Side’ yesterday, let me assure you it is complete and utter–”

“This is about what happened to me. What I learned from it, and how I escaped it.” Virgil cut in. “None of us, including Thomas, can really control whether one of us is a Main Side or an Other. It’s like… like an automated defense reaction of the subconscious. If one of us is starting to become more harmful than helpful, the subconscious starts to quarantine us. It becomes harder to move around the Mindscape and harder to appear before Thomas. And when we did, breaking through caused us to suddenly appear.”

Thomas’s eyes widened, obviously realizing what it meant that Logan had appeared and not risen up. That, despite what writing it off as nonsense, Logan had become a Dark Side.

“Janus schemed, I screamed, and Remus, well he delighted in it. But an Other can’t force their way back. The only way to get the subconscious to let us go was to stop being a problem. I focused on improving myself and obvious when I started appearing I had a LOT of work still to do, but the more I adjusted, the easier it got. Janus,” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Used scheme after scheme, impersonating you guys well enough to fool the Subconscious into loosening the reins. But when you focused more of your self-preservation aspect after the Wedding, well. It became a lot easier, didn’t it? Effortless, when Self-Preservation became your main aspect.”

“It was that simple?” Janus bemoaned.

“Nothing ‘simple’ about letting go of the core of your being and changing who you are.” Virgil snapped. “And I told you this before, way back when. You just didn’t want to hear it.”

“I suppose having ‘denial’ as a major part of my portfolio was an issue I did not understand,” Janus allowed. Which would also make it that much harder for Logan to take the advice Virgil was desperately giving him, even if he was saying it as if he was just sharing facts so as not to tip Logan’s defensiveness and make him block the words out.

Was that why he had no recollection of Virgil having this conversation with him, because it implied he was the problem, and he just rejected it? Had Virgil still been Paranoia then, or had he begun the slow shift to Anxiety?

“Is there a reason you’re telling me this now, Virgil?” Logan asked, his tone a tad pointed.

“Because it’s good to know. Getting ‘Othered’ can happen to any of us. Hell, it nearly happened to Patton last April.”

“It did?” Patton looked shocked.

Virgil gave him a half-hooded look. “You turned into a giant frog monster and attacked Thomas.”

“I was trying to attack…” Patton trailed off. “That’s not really any better, is it?” He gripped the sleeves of his cat hoodie. “That’s why you were so short with me afterwards? I thought it was because I was getting along with Janus?”

“That’s…” Virgil looked embarrassed. “That’s on me, more than anything. I think I kind of… looked up to you and held you to a higher standard and was disappointed you came so close to falling, even though I know better than anyone how easy it is to fall, and think you’re doing the right thing. That wasn’t fair of me.”

“I think what Virgil’s trying to say is that any of us has the potential to make that mistake, and it would be good for all of us to know how to correct it.” Roman inserted. “Especailly when things have been so stressful that such a mistake would be easy.”

Thank goodness Roman could still lie. Janus was missing that ability like a limb. “I blocked that out once to my own detriment, so it’s good to bring it up.” When heads are clear. He wanted to say ‘when heads are clear’, but he couldn’t because Logan’s head was as clouded as his eyes. By Thomas, he wanted denial back.

“I’m going to guess that from the fact that you cut off mid sentence, suddenly stopped responding to us and have been swiveling your head back and forth, there is some drama in imaginary friend land?” Joan guessed.

“That is putting it mildly,” Thomas bemoaned. “Yeah, we need to get the whole team together to discuss how things are going to work from now on.” He gave Joan a nervous smile. “I’ve come out to them once already, how much harder can coming out as undead be?”

#gravesides

Trending Tags

Recently Viewed Tags

#gravesides