#gray aromanticism

[thatwhichidarenotspeak]

You don’t have to have it all figured out

I’m 37 and I’m still trying to figure it out. I’ve tried different labels over the years as I’ve learned more about myself, sexuality, gender, romantic attraction, and life in general. 

The more you learn, the more confusing it gets. 

At the moment I know I’m asexual. I lean toward panromantic but at the same time that’s not quite right. Gray-pan maybe? Pan-aro? My problem is that my younger years tied sexuality expectations so tightly to romance, that I’m almost romance repulsed from my sexual repulsion. I’m good with platonic and alterous relationships with any person. But I shy away from the idea of “traditional North American” ideals of romantic relationships. Pan-aroflux?

I don’t know. If you can’t figure out where you are on the A-spectrum, don’t feel bad. Trust me, you’re not alone.

[demigray]

Could someone be both demi and gray-ace/aro? I mean, I only feel romantic and/or sexual attraction once a century (not in a litteral way, but more or less) and only after a strong bond was formed. Thank you for helping 😍

Yep, definitely!

[demigray]

I dated 2 girls in my life (my bfs) and it happened after I felt a strong bond formed between us so I think I'm demiromantic. But it's really confusing bc my sex drive/libido and also my romantic feelings fluctuates a lot. Sometimes I enjoy the idea of having sex better than really doing it. Sometimes I don't enjoy kissing or being touched at all. Sometimes I only feel sensual attraction and only enjoy holding hands/cuddling. Sometimes I can't even show my feelings. Maybe I'm aceflux/aroflux???

That’s very possible, yes. You could be ace/aro-flux, and/or gray ace/aro, maybe. It’s natural for romantic and sexual feelings to fluctate and change.

[demigray]

Is there a term for people who really like the /idea/ of being in a relationship and everything that comes with it, but at the same time, they don't actually want to /be/ in a relationship, at all?

That might fall under gray aromantic? But it could also be aromantic, since liking the idea of a romantic relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you have romantic feelings for people.

[demigray]

Hello! Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to be in love. How can I know if I'm in love with someone? I mean, I know I love my friends and my family, but does it feel different when we're in love with someone in particular? It's hard because I don't feel like I've ever been in love in my life. Or maybe I was and I've never noticed it. I don't know...

For most people, romantic love does feel distinctly different from platonic love. For some people, though, the boundaries get blurred and it can be hard to differentiate—these people might end up describing themselves as being on the aromantic spectrum. I think it’s most likely that you would know if you’ve felt romantic love, though if you’re uncertain, looking into aromantic experiences (especially those in the middle of the spectrum) might help you.

[demigray]

Hello ! I think I might be grayromantic but I'd like to have your opinion about it. In my whole life, I only fell in love with a guy one time when I was 15 (4 years ago) but it went nowhere. It was probably infatuation but this attraction lasted at least a year. Since then, I never had anymore crushes that intense, I just find some persons very cute/handsome and that's it. In the future, I want to be in a romantic relationship, have sex, get married and stuff. What do you think about it? Bye!

Sounds like you could be grayromantic! Finding people cute/handsome is aesthetic attraction and doesn’t have a bearing on sexual or romantic orientation. And if you want a romantic relationship, sex, etc. that doesn’t invalidate being grayromantic.

[demigray]

Could I still identify as greyace/greyro if I usually need the romantic attraction from them in order for me to be attracted, but if that only happens rarely? Or would I need to identify as reciproromantic/reciprosexual? Thanks!

You could be both, if you felt like both fit. Or whichever one fits best. It’s up to you, because that definition could fall under the gray area.

[demigray]

so I thought I was heteroromantic but a little while ago I started trying to pin down what romantic attraction is kinda like what i went through with sexual attraction when i figured I was grey asexual and i'm finding that i'm not sure about it. ever since i stopped feeling desperate to have a relationship (because I'd never had one) I basically stopped having crushes. Is there a thing to be grey aro? I'm really confused and kinda shaken because i thought i'd figured myself out

Yup, gray aromantic is a thing! And you can be heteroromantic and gray aromantic, if you still feel a connection to the former word.