To schedule or not to schedule – that is the parenting question!
Do your children have better social lives and a wider range of interests than you? Do you ever feel like an unpaid taxi driver or simply a chaperone? Are you all so tired when you get home that all you want to do is zone out in front of a screen? If so, then you could have the activity balance wrong in your family.
Classes and structured activities can bring so many incredible benefits to your children. These include developing exciting skills, making new friends and discovering a whole world of possibilities that many of us simply didn’t have access to when we were younger. Sponge-like, our children can soak up a new language effortlessly, or pick up skiing or the flute in moments.
Yet overschedule their lives and you risk producing a child who doesn’t know how to access their own creativity, or doesn’t have the time to simply mooch around, poking a stick under the nearest hedge. At worst, you will have a stressed out, whirlwind of a family life and any downtime will inevitably be screen orientated.
Clearly this is another of those parental balancing acts – some scheduling of activities is wonderful and life-enhancing, but too much and you are doing more harm than good. How do you get the balance right?
Here are my top tips for finding a gentle balance:
1. Choose classes that teach vital skills
Coordination, gross motor skills and fitness are some of the benefits that come from taking part in organised sports, particularly outdoors. I also think swimming lessons from as early as possible are great. Not many classes can save your little one’s life, but knowing how to get themselves to safety after a fall into water certainly could. The Scouting movement is also wonderful for teaching a range of real life skills. From encouraging cooking to bush craft, it will enhance confidence and provide a perfect antidote to screens. Don’t neglect vital skills for yourself either. All parents and ideally grandparents should go on a proper First Aid course so you can handle common issues such as choking as well as be prepared for other scary scenarios.
So what if you think a certain language or skill would benefit them in the future? If your child isn’t keen you are wasting time and money. Instead, it is far better to do just a couple of classes that they have chosen and love than have to cajole them to lots that you think they should do. Also, don’t be afraid to ‘drop-out’ of sessions if you all feel overloaded. You can always pick them up later or swap back in; aim for it feeling like a bag of pick and mix sweets rather than a treadmill!
All your friends are raving about the new class on a Tuesday evening, the only trouble is, it’s your one free night. DON’T give into the Fear Of Missing Out – your child is so much more than a sum of the classes he or she attends. You need to respect their right to free time and teach them early on that they don’t get to do everything their friends do.
4. Make links with your community
Finding things to do in your local area brings a double benefit. Firstly it will reduce your travel time (better for your child than being stuck in a car, bus or buggy, and better for the environment). It will also lead to local friendships for you and your children, making you truly part of the place where you live.
5. Outside time is vital too
Unstructured free play outside is a magical ingredient in your child’s life. It has been shown to reduce stress, raise self-esteem and enhance academic performance. Not only that, but it is free. Build it into your lives, for example, when you visit the park, don’t just stay on the manicured area. Instead, have a look for minibeasts away from the play equipment.Encourage your children to listen for birdsong, and you could learn to identify trees together (there are great apps to help with nature discovery, I love this one).
I don’t believe all classes should be a ‘dump your kid and run’ set-up. Of course, there is a place for independent learning but you also want to be a part of your child’s life, and not let them have all the fun while you sit on your bum twiddling with your phone. Family classes will enhance your relationship. Martial arts, dry ski slopes or climbing walls often offer family sessions – just be warned, they’ll learn quicker than you!
Our children are so lucky to have an incredible array of activities to choose from. Taking a laid-back, balanced approach will help them benefit most and leave vital space for family time and the great outdoors.
About the author: Kate Blincoe is the author of The No-Nonsense Guide to Green Parenting, a mother of two and a freelance writer for national and regional magazines and newspapers. The No-Nonsense Guide to Green Parenting helps busy families discover nature and take care of the planet, by having lots of fun and reducing guilt and stress.