we met again. you got yourself a bike. a new apartment with a view overlooking the city and a separate kitchen. and a new job that pays more money. just like how you told me you would. i'm happy for you.
sitting at the back of your bike, roaming through the streets with the sun setting above my eyes. the colors of blue, lilac and orange dancing so beautifully it hurt. i felt the wind blowing across my face, and the warmth of you...
and we drank. talked. laughed into the night. like we used to do. like all of those passing months were nothing between us.
we talked about family. the prospect of the future. the presence. and you asked me "do you think that i can date?"
my heart stopped a beat. and words tumbled on my tongues like i just learned how to speak yesterday. was my heart nothing but a hostile testing ground to you? is there a word that describes how deeply you took me for granted? your cigarettes smoke crawled its way up my lungs. you always leave me charred.
can you hear my skeleton creak under all these feelings? they feel like a burden.
leave, before my inability to hold this burden ends up burdening you. no stammering apologies needed, no tears, no lingering looks of "but there’s so much left to say."
go, before you force me to change my mind and make you stay.
may my blackened pages remind me how not to rip myself into two, again...