#grim shit

[san-antonio-grim-reaper]

Im a proud San Antonian, and I LOVE SWAMP ASS!!! 😤😤😤😤😤‼️ Whenever I walk down the HALLOWED grounds of BLANCO or the PRISTINE streets of STONE OAK in the SWELTERING, BEAUTIFUL TEXAS HEAT:

It makes me ROCK HARD‼️‼️‼️😤😤

I carry my SWEATY CHEAKS and wear my SOGGY BOXERS as a BADGE OF HONOR YA'HEAR⁉️⁉️⁉️

If you can't take the heat THEN GET OUT OF THE ANTTONIO

FUCK YOU. GO SPURS.

[raindrop-on-a-spiderweb]

The Mafia Is Nuts, Part 2

[larkandkatydid]

-Jonathan Metzel “Dying of Whiteness: How the Politics of Racisl Resentment is Killing America’s Heartland”

[dandelionofthanatos]

Aaaaalienaaaaating trollllllls If you don't like it when I use myself as a punchline gtfo because I am not going to stop finding my stupid grim shit funny. Here's another one: a whole bunch of my best friends are fucking dead of the same shit I have or related fuckery. Lol, right, asshole? Go ahead and tell me it should be me and not them, but know you're fucking late to the rave again. You walked in with your stupid I'm A Puppet Master shit wanting a game, and now that you know I have a fucking hardball you're all upset. Pitiful. The bullies I had at twelve were way cooler.

[squalorship]

It’s late night at Bojangles and

the kids who were just here shoved our

ketchup bottles down the toilets

and flushed.

  I don’t blame them. They were drinking

ninety-nine cent coffee, working

their pink fingers made stiff by the

winter wind,

  not talking. The sick one had spilled

sugar on the counter and was

tracing his claw fingers through it

artlessly, his bottom lip dark

with scars.

  I ignored their solemn bathroom

exodus, and watched them pass out

cigarettes in the parking lot,

smoking quickly,

  taking turns holding them to the

sick one’s mouth, then piling in

an ugly van and trundling

off into the dark wherever,

trailing

black rainbows of cheap gasoline,

their hot breath fogging the windows,

bound back to double wide homes, all

the same.

[pandora--braithwaite]

Everything is super pants and cruddy today :( I'm going to stay in the shower forever until I turn into a wizened human/raisin hybrid.

[olyroo]

Just wrote this.

The half eaten face smiles, having crawled along for days. Always a step behind... Never a falter. Always so painfully aware of the space. Days and days... I'm half dead of of contemplation, and the rest of the way of dehydration. But still dragging along the malnourished flesh... And the dragging behind won't allow for a rest.

The drops drip and useless legs twitch; I can see it even though I will not look back. Confirmation is painful. I prefer the story. I am not the vehicle. The horror is a fantasy, and if it's fake I can believe it.

The air is moist and red and thick with bad intention, and the noises drone eternally the same and they spell your fate out in their ever changing monotony. But I wouldn't blot them out for the world. I know they just cover the holes in time we spend cowering in the face of ending and corpses. Better the veil than the truth. A praying person might pity and beg their god for some comfort for the poor bastard to whom vast and true removal from the network fantasy of human life come. Although they would indeed use no such words, opting instead to claim such revelations insanity and sickness of the faith and mind. But I can see in their hearts that they rely on that ocean of devouring veiling noise as heavily as any person. They call it the voice of god. They carry their own weight, their dragging adding to the fabric of the veil, reenforcing it against the true nature of life and Death.

But I know Death. That mutilated form drags along always. I see the holes in it's flesh, the bone chipped and scraping away and one eye half deflated dangling against the exposed cheek bone. The gristle rots and flakes and fries in the red never-ending. The air grows thicker of it. I breathe it in. It becomes me. It's what I was made of all along. And that one still-good eye glints at me with pure desire. It always watches, and it catalogs everything it sees, and the cataloging causes the creation and the wheel rolls on. The grinding melds into the frying and the dragging of dead weight and it all hides the truth, the gaping holes, and I keep my eyes forward and don't EVER look back... Because I know what I'll see, that grinning mouth falling apart, blood spilling out and a tongue hanging out through a hole in the bottom of the jaw... remaining flesh drawn taut and off-colored sickly in it's dried cracked glory. Giving off the stench of putrefaction, as it cracks further and adds to the din, that ever essential veil over all, hiding from our eyes the end. The Pain. Our own body crawling dead along behind, rotting, over, unsettled and unwilling to stop.

There are no nights there. Only days, and they all amount to the same. And they are only the ends of days. Just the ever shifting yet never changing red horizon of dust and the blacktop stretching off in any direction into the illusion. And that mythological point where the hiway vanishes into the sky is where my eyes remain fixed.

I never look back at my own corpse close behind.

[pumpumdemsugah]

This morning i was feeling all type of shitty. Its was an yet ANOTHER inconsiderate act my older sister did that triggered me off

I basically told my mum i felt worthless and i don't see the reason living anymore. I might as well kill myself

Its not something I've ever said. I tend to keep these type of thoughts to my self

Instead of trying to shut me up (what she tends to do when i tell her i feel down) she hugged and told my some shit i can't quite remember but that made me feel better. She actually listened and she made all the shit i've been stressing out about not seem like such a mountain 

Lesson of the day: Sleep deprivation+ stress+ feeling like crap= I'll tell you my darkest fucking thoughts 

I need to get out more. Staying at home so much is only making me more depressed and makes me think about grim stuff. I'm not suicidal and i've never self harmed but it scares me how much i've been thinking about seriously harming my self. As fucked up as it is, thinking about different ways to seriously harm myself sometimes makes me feel better. My anxiety is largely gone and i guess the next step is work on these thoughts so i can get back to my old self. I'm kinda bored of feeling like this. I'm a charismatic, cute, talented mother fucker and this is no way for me to live my life. I'm too flawless for this shit 

blah blah blah I need help . I'm going to call my GP

I currently don't feel shitty so I'm hoping this spills over into tomorrow so i can do things and what ever