Asperger: bod yn ‘wahanol’ mewn byd ‘normal’ – rhan 2
Dyma ail ran y blog gan Amy Price, sydd â syndrom Asperger. Heddiw mae hi’n siarad am yr anawsterau – a’r mwynhad – a geir wrth gymdeithasu pan fo gennych syndrom Asperger.
Bydd nifer da o bobl yn cofio sut yr oeddwn i cyn mynd i’r coleg. Doeddwn i ddim yn deall y rheolau cymdeithasol yn iawn. Y cwbl yr oeddwn yn ei wybod oedd fy mod yn wahanol ac, am fy mod yn wahanol, nad oedd gen i lawer o ffrindiau ac, mewn gwirionedd, nid oeddwn yn credu y byddwn i byth yn dod yn rhan o gymdeithas.
Ar ddiwedd fy nyddiau coleg, er fy mod yn dal yn eithaf gwahanol i’r bobl ‘normal’, roeddwn yn dod i ddeall pethau’n araf ac roedd gen i nifer o ffrindiau – eu cadw oedd y broblem nawr.
Pe byddech wedi fy ngweld bryd hynny, yna mae’n debyg na fyddech yn credu y byddwn yn gallu byw’n annibynnol, ni fyddwn i’n cymryd rhan mewn digwyddiadau cymdeithasol nac yn mynd allan ryw lawer.
Fodd bynnag, mae pedair blynedd wedi mynd heibio ers hynny ac rwyf wedi byw’n annibynnol am ddwy flynedd. Bellach rwy’n cael hwyl yn mynd allan gyda fy ffrindiau. Byddaf wrth fy modd yn mynd o gwmpas yn chwilota. Byddaf yn taro sgwrs â’r rhan fwyaf o bobl a byddaf yn defnyddio cyswllt llygad (heb feddwl amdano drwy’r amser). Rwyf yn deall beth yw gofod personol a byddaf yn mynd i leoedd sy’n llawn pobl (er y byddaf yn dal i deimlo’n bryderus os nad wyf gyda rhywun cyfarwydd).
Mae llawer o bethau wedi gwella yn fy mywyd yn y blynyddoedd diwethaf ond nid wyf byth yn ‘normal’ ac nid wyf am fod yn ‘normal’ chwaith.
Dychymyg
Rheswm arall dros beidio â theimlo’r awydd i fod yn ‘normal’ yw bod pethau da ynghylch syndrom Asperger. Er enghraifft, mae gennym ddychymyg da. Efallai nad ydym yn dda am gyfleu stori ond gallwn greu byd hollol newydd yn ein dychymyg a gallwn ddychmygu pethau sydd wedi’u disgrifio i ni yn well na phobl ‘normal’.
Mae mwy o resymau dros beidio â theimlo’r awydd i fod yn ‘normal’ ond dyna’r prif resymau.
Un o’r cwestiynau eraill a ofynnwyd i mi y penwythnos yma oedd, a rhaid cyfaddef mai dyma’r tro cyntaf i mi glywed y cwestiwn hwn ond roeddwn yn gwybod yr ateb: Beth yw’r rheswm y mae pobl sydd â syndrom Asperger yn tueddu i fod yn fwy cymdeithasol gyda phobl eraill sydd â syndrom Asperger?
Unwaith eto, mae’r ateb yn syml. Rydym yn fwy cymdeithasol gyda phobl eraill sydd â syndrom Asperger am nad ydynt yn ein beirniadu! Maen nhw’n ein deall ni’n well! Mae gennym bethau’n gyffredin sy’n wahanol i bobl ‘normal’.
Er hynny, nid yw hynny’n golygu nad ydym yn gallu dod ymlaen â phobl ‘normal’, dim ond bod siarad â phobl sydd â syndrom Asperger yn galw am lai o ymdrech ac egni gan nad oes rhaid i ni boeni am gyswllt llygad, iaith y corff neu’r ffaith y gallwn droi’r sgwrs at ryw bwnc sydd heb gysylltiad o gwbl â rhediad y sgwrs.
Ac mae hynny’n fy atgoffa – pan fyddwn ni’n troi’r sgwrs at bwnc hollol ddigyswllt, nid am ein bod wedi blino ar y pwnc presennol y mae hynny, neu ryw reswm arall y gallech feddwl amdano. Byddwn yn gwneud hynny am fod y pwnc yn golygu rhywbeth i ni a’n bod ni am ei rannu gyda chi. Mae rhywbeth wedi codi ein calon ac rydym am roi gwybod i chi amdano.
Ie, byddaf yn dal i wneud hyn, hyd yn oed wrth ysgrifennu – byddaf yn ceisio peidio â gwneud am fy mod yn gwybod nad yw’n gymdeithasol briodol.
Cyn rhoi enghraifft ddiweddar o hyn a’r rheswm drosti, rwyf am sôn am beth arall ynghylch pobl sydd â syndrom Asperger a pham ei bod yn ymddangos weithiau ein bod yn newid y pwnc neu’n sôn am bethau ar hap.
Mae arnom angen amser i brosesu rhai pethau. Fodd bynnag, yn y byd go-iawn ni fydd digon o amser ar gael i ni bob tro ac felly gallem ymddangos yn ddifater ar y pryd er ein bod yn hoffi neu’n gwerthfawrogi rhywbeth.
Dyma enghraifft dda sy’n egluro’r ddau bwynt uchod. Y noson o’r blaen roeddwn yn sgwrsio â rhywun ar Facebook a digwydd dweud ar hap yn ystod y sgwrs: ‘O, wnes i anghofio dweud wrthyt ti fod AJ wedi cael anifail anwes i mi y diwrnod o’r blaen – madfall, a Newton yw ei henw.’
Roedd AJ, fy mrawd, wedi dod o hyd i’r fadfall y diwrnod cynt ac roedd mor falch o fod wedi cael yr anifail anwes newydd yma i mi. Ond ar y pryd y cyfan a ddywedais oedd ‘O, reit dda’. Doeddwn i ddim wedi meddwl am y peth. Fy chwaer a roddodd enw i’r fadfall yn y diwedd am fod ganddi fwy o ddiddordeb na mi.
Ond wrth sgwrsio â’m ffrind roeddwn i newydd sylweddoli fy mod yn hapus bod fy mrawd, sydd hefyd ar y sbectrwm, wedi cael yr anifail i mi am fod hynny’n dangos cymaint y mae’n meddwl amdanaf.
Ar y pryd roeddwn i wedi anwybyddu’r ffaith ei fod wedi dweud wedyn ‘rydw i wedi’i gael er mwyn iddo fod yn ffrind i ti’, ond roeddwn i’n dal i droi’r peth yn fy meddwl. Am fy mod newydd sylweddoli’n iawn beth oedd wedi digwydd, roeddwn i am rannu hynny gyda rhywun arall.
Fodd bynnag, roeddwn i wedi anghofio dweud ar Facebook pam yr oeddwn i wedi dod â hyn i’r sgwrs ar hap ond, yn ffodus, doedd fy ffrind ddim i’w weld yn poeni fy mod i wedi codi’r pwnc fel hyn. Felly, y tro nesaf y byddwn ni’n troi’r sgwrs i gyfeiriad annisgwyl, peidiwch â’n beirniadu am newid pwnc. Cymerwch ddiddordeb oherwydd mae’n siŵr bod rheswm da dros droi’r sgwrs fel hyn.
Yr anabledd ‘cudd’
Mae syndrom Asperger a nifer o anableddau eraill yn cael eu galw’n anableddau cudd, ond er bod llawer ohonom yn meddwl mai’r rheswm am hynny yw ei bod yn anodd sylwi arnyn nhw, dydw i ddim yn credu hynny oherwydd pe byddai’n anodd sylwi ar yr anableddau hyn, ni fyddem wedi cael ein bwlio neu heb wneud llawer o ffrindiau.
Y rheswm y maen nhw’n cael eu galw’n anableddau cudd yw bod pethau ynddyn nhw sydd heb fod yn amlwg ac, os nad yw’r anabledd gennych chi, mae’n debyg na fyddwch yn ei ddeall yn llwyr.
Yn olaf, rwyf am ddweud wrth bawb: ‘Peidiwch â choelio pob dim sydd ar y label’. Fel arfer bydd label yn cynnwys nifer o bethau tebyg ond nid yw’r pethau hynny byth yn union yr un fath. Weithiau ni fydd yn syniad da ymchwilio i anabledd penodol gan y byddwch chi’n cymryd bod pob un ohonon ni yr un fath, ond dyw hynny ddim yn wir. Byddwn i – ac aelodau o’m teulu hefyd rwy’n siŵr – yn hapusach o lawer yn ateb y cwestiynau sydd gennych chi yn hytrach na chymryd eich bod yn fy nabod am eich bod wedi darllen llyfr neu erthygl.
Os byddwch yn darllen hyn, cofiwch ei rannu i ledaenu ymwybyddiaeth
Os nad ydych wedi darllen rhan gyntaf y blog hwn, mae hi ar gael yma.
Mwy o wybodaeth am syndrom Asperger gan y Gymdeithas Genedlaethol Awtistiaeth.
Every young person cannot wait to leave home; well that's what I thought! I moved out of my family home back in February and it was a huge change.
Even though it was such a big wakeup call it was the best decision for me. When moving out I had thought about all the different things I'd have to pay for such as rent, water bills, electricity and food. This was my main priority and responsibility now in my life.
Even though I was well prepared to move out it was still quite a big wake up call, the realisation that no one can do anything for me. I must say the sense of independence is very rewarding, even though it is obviously difficult at times especially as I'm not in the financial working position to make the situation easier.
During the process of moving out I started training for an NVQ Level 2 in Business and Administration, even though the hours are long I have managed to juggle volunteering with GwirForce.
Whilst volunteering with GwirForce there was a lot of meetings to attend due to the upcoming launch, even though it wasn't always fun and a lay in at home would have been much preferred it has definitely proven itself to be worth it. The launch is less than one week away and it feels good and self-rewarding that us as a group has made it this far and that the launch will be a big success and triumph for us. With volunteering with a group such as GwirForce it makes you proud to be a part of something new with a great group of people! Looking back on all the meetings and looking towards the present it makes me proud to know them and to have worked with them.
I do think about people who don't volunteer and can't help but think why not? Yes you are committing time and effort, and yes it is hard at times but it is really rewarding. Not only for yourself but also for the organisation or company that appreciates your hard work. Volunteering with different companies can provide you with different experience, making friends and even a job opportunity or at least a connection into the company, volunteering also helps you develop confidence, self-esteem and skills that could come in very useful later on in life. With today's financial situation all over Wales and the rest of the UK, volunteering would make you stand out from the crowd, as not many people are doing it. As it takes a special person to volunteer and it would definitely look great on any C.V.
Sitting on a short listing panel recently for an Inspirational Young Person Award I suddenly felt very overwhelmed with the task. Who were we to judge who was more inspirational than others and how on earth were we going to make such a decision. Is a person who can overcome personal difficulties to help others more inspirational than someone who has raised thousands of pounds to improve others lives? To the people whose lives they touch they are surely the most inspirational. With each entry so different, in backgrounds, interests, activities and achievements it seemed a near impossible task.
But what they did have in common was that they were all young, enthusiastic, committed and passionate. They had all inspired someone enough to write to us and tell us about them. They were all going against the strong negative stereotypes portrayed in the media.
We did make a decision that day and the winner is truly deserving. All the nominees should be very proud of themselves and I hope that young people out there can realise that what they are doing to help other no matter how small is inspiring someone, somewhere.
Volunteering: a word which means a lot to quite a few people, and yet means very little to some. GwirForce is a Youth Led Panel which basically signposts and drives foward Youth Volunteering in Wales. We work a lot with Youth Volunteering Advisors, Welsh Assembly Government and Young People from across the country. We are the Youth Led Panel which sits on the GwirVol Partnership, which is made up of Organisations from all over Wales who come together and make important decisions on Volunteering in Wales.
I know this is probably going to be the most boring introduction ever written, but words just can't describe what we actually do. (Imagine Friends mixed in with My Family and Amanda and you'll get what we are about).
By joining GwirForce you become a part of a big family, and you do stuff you'd never imagine seeing yourself doing. I'm the newly elected Chairperson of GwirForce and when I joined I was unsure of myself, really not a people person and quite frankly didn't see much point in life. Since then, I have been all over Wales talking to Young People about what makes them volunteer. But it's not all doom and gloom. Whether it be Bushcraft Survival Skills (lighting a fire, water purification, fish gutting), Conflict Management, Orienteering, Rifle Shooting (learning to control your emotions and anger), First Aid Skills and much more to come!
You name it, we'll do it. It's not just about having fun, we do something amazing as well. We have written a Youth Volunteering Charter, which could help safeguard Young Volunteers in Wales.
Our slogan "Young Volunteers, Paid With Respect". It kind of says it all really.
So why not join GwirForce and see what it's all about. I have come a long way now and have gone from being shy to speaking in front of the Welsh Assembly Government, pitching an idea to a group of strangers or just promoting the group in Rhyl. I have come a long way.
I owe a lot to GwirForce and I truly believe that we are making a diference. At the moment in Carmarthenshire there are 12-14 Young People on the Panel which makes up 1/3 of the overall totall.
So why not join today and just see where you end up.
"Volunteers are not paid, not because they are worthless, but because they are priceless."
I set out to write a blog on Volunteering. I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I would tell you about my life as a Volunteer.
People ask me all the time why do you volunteer? The simple answer is what I’m doing isn’t volunteering is it my way of life, I enjoy it. I’ve been brought up to never ask for anything, but if you get something then be grateful for it. This is not because I was trying to be taught a lesson but my family has always been misfortunate. Being from a low income family isn’t great. You’re looked upon differently by society. When you’re rich or “wealthy” you get everything. If you’re not you struggle to survive.
You struggle to buy electricity and gas. You struggle to eat. You struggle to be happy. After a while you find joys in the smallest things. I read a lot – I have an advanced reading age and often read to escape from reality just for a little while. You’ll see me reading well into the night, on trains even walking sometimes (occasionally hitting a lamppost). I love my music – both traditional pop but also soundtracks. I love the way that emotions can be evoked just by a piece of music. And of course there is my volunteering. I started volunteering in 2007/2008 when I helped set up my local Youth Club.
I wanted to be involved because for a long time I was fed up of being looked upon by the public as just another young person. They were young too, once. They just forgot, because they had too and this is sad.
And so my volunteering started. I found joy in the fact that I was helping other people, I was getting to see new places, gaining skills and experiences and for a while it didn’t matter. When I volunteer I am that - Steve Sellers: Volunteer.
It is an escape which I really enjoy – there is a saying – Volunteers are not paid not because they are worthless but because they are priceless, and they really are. If someone has nothing but gives everything they have whether it is spare time or experiences in order to help other people then, well they are heroes in my book. I don’t think this of me – like I said it is a way of life. Volunteering helps me put my perspective on life.
Yes I’m not financially stable and yes my family struggle to buy gas, electric and food but I am the richest person in the world! How can I not be? I have amazing, caring, funny and loving friends and family. I have two families. My real family who I would walk a thousand miles for and my volunteering family at GwirForce and GwirVol who have supported, guided and cared for me beyond what I could ever asked for, for that I would give up everything I have. I would go to the ends of the earth for them and to be honest I kind of literally have.
Volunteering is one of those things that you can experience in a day, month, year or lifetime and you get whatever you put into it. If you are passionate, if you are caring. If you just, oh I don’t know like making cakes (Sorry I really want chocolate cake right now... hehe ) then give up a little bit of your time. It is the most rewarding thing you can do. Volunteer has one important letter in it. U.
So why not volunteer today?
Volunteers – Changing the world one random act of kindness at a time!
It was our very last day in Ulan Bator and we all got up early, despite having such a late night, to do some last minute shopping and packing. We had until half past 12 before our mini bus came to pick us up and in the end I found myself with a lot of spare time and absolutely nothing to fill it with. So I made the most of the fresh air before getting on a train for four days straight.
A lot of the young people from the youth panel Green Bell came to the station to say goodbye to us – it was so amazing! Getting back off the train after storing our bags to say goodbye to them proved to be quite difficult as there were a lot of people getting on our carriage with a lot of bags.
At first we wondered how so many people would fit in the cabins because the corridor was absolutely packed, but we soon realised that a lot of them were just helping take shed loads of belts, fleeces and blankets on to the train. By the time we pulled off most of the cabins in our carriage were occupied by this one group of people – including the spare bed in out cabin of three people.
The man in the spare bed in one of our cabins seemed to be very drunk and tried talking to us all in Mongolian for a while, without realising we didn't understand what he was saying. A couple of rather large men came in to the cabin and dumped a load of bags, full of what seemed to be belts and jeans, on to the drunk man not long before we stopped for border control.
A steady flow of official looking hats could be seen passing by the windows of the cabins as we came to a stop at the first border control station. Because the drunk old man had so much of the stuff with him we spent a little longer than was planned going across the border while he was being kicked off the train with a huge pile of bags. He could be seen standing alone in the middle of a mountain of duty free clothes for quite some time before we set off again. By the time we left he had been taken away somewhere, probably to sober up a little, while the pile of bags remained to see us off, along with a row of saluting uniforms.
The journey to the next station was short and it was getting quite late by the time we had arrived. For two hours we played a waiting game, the prize was getting our passports back and finally being able to go to bed. A lot of the group did go to sleep straight after receiving their passports – some even slept before, not even stirring as the officials stormed through the carriages shouting out names in between various sentences in Russian.
Those of us who were still awake once the ruckus died down noticed the rest of the people in our carriage getting off the train with collapsible trolleys as a young teenage girl was settling in where the drunk old man previously was, after some hassle with the officials over her documents.
After about 15 minutes one of the trolleys returned from across the platform carrying a large, multi-coloured, stripy bag wrapped in what looked like a lot of cling-film. There was a loud “Thud. Thud! THUD!” as it was lifted on to the train and rolled along our corridor to a hole in the floor, about half way down, where one of the carriage attendants had kindly removed a panel. Not long afterwards another trolley appeared, and another, and another, until there was a convoy of multi coloured stripes along the platform gradually getting shorter as individuals broke away when they reached different parts of the train. Another hour later and we were back en route, heading towards lake Baikal.
The next morning the girl had gone from the room and we spent the next few days marvelling at the pure organisational skills of the clothes sellers on the train platforms in Russia.
The value of youth work in Wales conference held in the Millennium stadium on the 7th of March was something I had been looking forward to for a little while. I was very excited to hear about the amazing things that may be being done in communities across Wales and to hear new thoughts and ideas from people who work with young people on a daily basis. Instead, what I saw was a group of people who seemed to be missing the point. People who knew the numbers, but seemed to be dead behind the eyes and very little interest in what they were saying. People who, perhaps from maybe trying too hard to change the world while sticking to the many rules they are expected to follow, may have gotten lost inside their box.
What seemed to be their most favourite part of the entire conference, their crowning achievement, was the one young person they had found to speak and introduce the other speakers to the audience. Just because you get a young person to stand up and speak at your conference does not mean you are successfully meeting the needs of young people, no matter their personal achievements. It seemed, to me, like somebody was trying just a little too hard to portray the conference to be something it was not. It's nice to dream, I guess, but from a young person's point of view the whole thing was slightly unnerving and a little painful to watch...
In a conference about young people, you had to look surprisingly hard through the masses of the middle-aged and middle class. I believe I may have spotted a small group of young people during the lunch break, but I believed by that time that I may have just been hallucinating. To gather a group of youth workers and teachers together to talk about what is best for young people with little to no input from young people themselves just seems downright illogical and could potentially backfire on them all. After all, isn't a lack of communication the cause of a lot of problems these days? People, in general, respond better to things that they actually understand, and if there was more transparency from workers involved with young people I believe that all problems that were highlighted would be resolved much more easily.
The conference wasn't a total disaster, though. Amongst the seemingly endless flow of speakers there was just one who did not stand in front of the crowd and drone on about numbers, statistics and streams of jargon that even some professionals don't quite understand. This at least slightly restored my faith in the system, as I'm sure he can't be the only one of his kind out there...
Even though by the late afternoon we had gone through some typical conference-related emotions; temptation to skip sessions, annoyance at awkward people, longing for sleep and the occasional burst of interest – I was a little bit sad about having to leave early. For the very first time I actually had a good question in mind for the Q&A session. Although I'm not sure a shy young girl, like I would of had a chance to get a word in edgeways anyways... And if I had, I'm sure the room would have been so stunned at the fact that a child had been heard, and not just seen, that it would have been a little embarrassing for everybody.
Appointment: 10am First Minister at Ty Hywel, Cardiff Bay
It was an early start on this Wednesday morning feeling tired but excited. Myself and some other members from GwirForce (Steve, Charlotte and Natalie) were on a ‘road trip’, or should I say ‘train trip’ to see Carwyn Jones, the First Minister.
Why did we have the privilege in seeing the First Minister? Well we were invited to come in and see him to promote our youth volunteering charter, which is a charter that safeguards young volunteers and ensures that both organisations and young people know what to expect from each other.
After spending two hours on the train we finally arrived at Cardiff Bay. By this time I was feeling quite nervous. I didn’t know what to expect – what Carwyn Jones would be like in person.
Finally we came face-to-face with the First Minister! (He is much taller in real life!!) He was a very kind and lovely man, wanting to know where we lived and he even surprised me as he knew where I lived! Even though I live off the beaten track near Whitland, Carmarthenshire.
Before we introduced our charter he took us out onto his office balcony, which had fantastic view of Cardiff Bay, which was greatly improved by the blazing sunshine.
As soon as we got straight back into his plush office he came straight to the point and wanted to find out why we had come to visit him – to introduce our charter.
We then had some photos where Carwyn Jones posed with his famous smile and holding our framed youth volunteering charter. After all the photos we then went to leave, but not forgetting to hand over the First Minister a GwirForce goodie bag with a hoodie inside for him to wear!!
Despite the early start it had been a very productive day for GwirForce. It was a great honour to meet Carwyn Jones. He was a ‘no nonsense’ talking man, which in my eye, as a young person a very good thing as it is not very often we get a straight answer for the things that we want and need!
I hope that the First Minister liked the youth volunteering charter (and his new GwirForce hoodie) and that we will either see or hear from him (or both) in the near future.
