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Shoutout to introjects that aren't fictives! You are just as important and valuable to your system as any other alter. Treat yourself to something nice today if you're able.
You are seen, and you are loved.
[Image ID: A navy blue banner with pictures of a pastel yellow rabbit reading a white book on both sides. The text reads “We are pro-endo. Syscourse causes panic and anxiety. Please do not bring it up in the notes.” End ID]
Systems who have frontstuck hosts are valid! Systems that don’t switch very often are valid! Just because your system functions differently than most doesn’t mean that you’re faking, or are any less plural than a system that’s more active or switches more. You don’t need to switch every day to be considered plural. Your system is real no matter how active it is!
[Image ID: A navy blue banner with pictures of a pastel yellow rabbit reading a white book on both sides. The text reads “We are pro-endo. Syscourse causes panic and anxiety. Please do not bring it up in the notes.” End ID]
Reminder that fictives are their own people, and should not be forced or expected to constantly act exactly like they do in source!
This also applies to factives! Treat them just the same as you would any other alter, and be respectful.
[Image ID: A navy blue banner with pictures of a pastel yellow rabbit reading a white book on both sides. The text reads “We are pro-endo. Syscourse causes panic and anxiety. Please do not bring it up in the notes.” End ID]
I wish that the DIDOSDD community was more focused on helping systems heal from abuse and trauma instead of pointless and stressful infighting. Syscourse does nothing to help people recover. Fakeclaiming and harassment only make it harder for people to speak out about their experiences for fear of being targeted. The infighting in this community is unlike anything I have ever seen, and it’s prevented us from reaching out and trying to find fellow systems. It’s caused us to feel even more isolated than we already felt prior to knowing we were a system. A community should feel welcoming. A community should make you feel like you’re not alone in a scary world full of people who don’t understand you. And at the moment, that isn’t where the community is at.
If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like some recommendations from everyone on accounts to follow! The DIDOSDD community is full of anti-endos and syscourse and both of those are incredibly upsetting to us, so it’s hard to find traumagenic-specific blogs that don’t post syscourse or how Endos Are All Evil. I’d like to start being more active here but content is hard to find, so I decided to ask for help
if you know of pro-endo blogs that are traumagenic-focused, post positivity, and (optional) information about DID / OSDD put their urls in the replies of this post! (and feel free to self-promote of course!)
I really wish that systems on here didn’t tag their did/osdd positivity posts with syscourse things. I don’t want to read a feel-good post about how I’m valid and my system is valid and then immediately get a wave of anxiety and stress because the OP tagged the post as ‘anti endo system’ and ‘endos dni’. It’s jarring and is incredibly more upsetting because I didn’t have any kind of time to prepare. Syscourse has zero place in positivity posts. Period. I don’t want to be reminded of an extremely upsetting topic when I’m trying to see kindness and support for a disorder that I’m still not entirely comfortable admitting I have.
It's late and we can't sleep so I thought I might as well use this blog for its actual intended purpose for once (a diary), so this post might be a little all over the place. im sort of stream-of-consciousness'ing this.
block the tag "#personal" if you dont want to see (potentially sad) personal ramblings / posts from us. be safe, curate your dash, i understand.
things have been very quiet system-wise lately. i think we have a new(?) alter but I'm not sure How new or why they split. I'm not even really sure if its not my imagination tricking me into mistaking an already established headmate as a new split...
i've been thinking about them for a little bit. They seem to go by Hadal (though thats also just a catch-all name for the system when we dont know whos fronting) and i have a sneaking suspicion that they've posted on this blog before.
I havent been dissociating as much lately which is good but ive also not been switching at all which is... not a bad thing really, i guess, but it certainly doesnt help ease my fears of Being A Faker.
i know that systems have quiet periods, and i know that me being frontstuck and also unwilling to change that (fear of loss of control is a pain) so thats probably the reason why, but its still unnerving being the only one around.
ive also been thinking about the logistics of getting a diagnosis... I have a lot of fears about the medical system and abuse within it, particularly being stuck in a mental health facility against my will with no way out. its prevented me from coming out as a system to my parents (who... I feel like theyd understand. not Understand, but im not in any danger if they know. i just worry itll change our relationship in some way, like they wont think im Me anymore) and its prevented me from seeking treatment and understanding of my disorder.
the online system community is also rife with toxicity and misinformation and i do not whatsoever feel safe interacting with people who seem to snap at others without warning, so I dont have many system friends out of fear of reliving past friend group drama
I imagine that the feeling of total isolation I feel is common among other systems, but it doesn't really help to know that. my near-debilitating anxiety controls every part of my life and prevents me from seeking help when i otherwise would have.
it also doesnt really help that the one time i tried to find a dissociation specialist, the only one i could find that said they were queer friendly was 4 hours away in another state.
... i might look again. I might just tell my parents so they can help me look for a therapist.
I worry about that though. I worry that since my plurality doesnt really impact my life all that much (i dont switch very often, I dont have amnesia barriers, and i dont lose control of my body fully when i switch out) that either means Im Faking or Its Not Bad Enough To Worry My Parents Over. Its Not Bad Enough To Drive Across The State To See A Therapist For It when i have a perfectly decent one less than 30 minutes away
... i dont know. it feels like i have all the pieces to get the ball rolling on ... Something? but im not really sure if its worth it. we barely have enough money to keep the pantry full for a week, let alone to switch therapists and drive for hours just so i can Maybe get coping mechanisms or something.
.... I dont really know how to end this. i hope this wasnt too negative for this blog, i know i try to focus on positivity and lighthearted subjects.
please be kind in the notes. there is a (very scared) person behind the screen and I am trying to be better about opening up about my worries. kind advice is always welcome though! if it doesnt help me it could potentially help somebody else.
i kind of want to start a system comic. this is the devil speaking to me most likely
