Hello!!!
So I came across some of your posts on the kimchay tag and I just wanted to share some thoughts and ask for your opinion, if that’s okay!
I was rewatching the heartbreaking kimchay scene and I was hit with something… “why does Kim want to push Porchay away??” On one hand, we as a fandom have been saying that it’s because he doesn’t want Porchay to be hurt because of the mafia lifestyle and all that. But on the other…. Kim also knows that Porchay is living at their house. He so casually asks him how he’s doing there. Porchay is already in too deep. So why does Kim want to push him away still?? I think at this point (the “breakup” scene), Kim already knows that it was his father who covered up the car accident.
When they first showed Kim in this ep, he was looking at the board and he was wearing the full denim outfit… he was also wearing that outfit at the end of the episode, when the inspector told him about his father. Keeping this mind… I assumed that the “breakup” scene happened after, instead of in the middle like they played it out for us. So again I can’t help but wonder… what exactly does Kim get from pushing Porchay away like this… maybe he’s scared of his reaction when he finds out the truth about his parents’ death?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!!!
Much love ^^
Hello!!! Thank you for thinking of me when asking these questions!
I’m going to start with your first question, which is “Why does Kim want to push Porchay away??” I think what you said about the fandom’s theory is correct: Reason #1 is protection. In my opinion, “protection” as a reason can be broken down to two branches. So, Reason #1A: Protect Porchay from Kim. Here, I’m going to cite @luckydragon10 's brilliant post on Kim and Isolation, which you should read in its entirety, as it does a great job in breaking down how Kim functions/thinks. Here, Nemi writes, “To Kim, Isolation feels a lot safer than the vulnerability of giving a shit and loving someone” (@luckydragon10, 2022). Kim has used isolation to protect himself. It would make sense that he believes isolation should, theoretically, help Porchay in the long run. That being said, Kim himself is not a safe person. He’s a mafia kid, whether he likes it or not. Yes, the main house’s problem caused the kidnapping, but let’s be honest: Kim didn’t exactly shield Porchay from the mafia until things came to a climax. So, pushing Porchay away means that Kim can protect Porchay from Kim. We should also consider Porchay’s age. As much as I love Porchay, he’s, what, 18 in the series? He has an idealistic view of love; he thinks there can be a happy ending; it’s why he asks if Kim ever loved him, because he thinks there can be a chance. On the other hand, the Theerpanyakul family is cautious of love because rarely does it bring something beneficial to the table. Look at the destruction Tawan caused for years. If we combine Kim’s reliance on isolation, the family’s bad luck with love, and the mafia as a whole, Kim and Porchay being together has a snowball’s chance in hell. What does Kim get from Reason #1A? Assurance that he himself will not physically hurt or indirectly cause physical pain to Porchay. (Now, whether the physical outweighs the emotional is a whole other argument.)
This brings me to Reason #1B: Protect Porchay from the (Mafia) House. I’m gonna use exactly what you said: “Kim also knows that Porchay is living at their house.” I don’t know if anyone’s done a setting analysis of the physical house yet, but the Theerpanyakul house is not safe y’all. Tawan infiltrated it within a day. Vegas comes in and out, and he’s basically unwelcome half the time. Tankhun could murder someone with a sheet pan and nail file. Korn himself is not a safe or reliable person, as the audience is beginning to find out (and probably has had an inkling of since the earlier episodes.) In my opinion, and probably Kim’s too, this house is not safe for Porchay because he’s right under Korn’s thumb; so he asks how Porchay's doing there. In my opinion, Porchay’s now situated to be a chess piece. What better way to control your future son-in-law by having his younger brother in this house, under the guise of safety? I’m not saying we should shit on Korn; but I am saying we should be wary, because Kim is wary. What does Kim get from Reason #1B and asking if Porchay is settled into the new home? Some sort of sign that Porchay is relatively safe from mafia affairs even though the house itself is unsafe.
With this in mind, I personally believe Kim thrives in isolation. And that brings me to Reason #2: Complete the Mission(s). Kim started all of this with a core mission in mind: find the mole and protect his family. And I’ve talked about this prior: how when Kim is with Chay, he’s distracted from actually pinning down the mole/threat to his family (for example, telling Porchay to write a love song, fixating on Porchay in other ways.) And even though Ken’s beheaded, the mole is gone, the Main family is still in a vulnerable spot because of Vegas’ involvement and disappearance. There’s still a threat, and quite frankly, and keeping Nemi’s thoughts in mind, Kim is making more progress with Porchay at arm’s distance. Again, no offense to Porsche and Kinn, who should enjoy themselves, but right now, it is Kim moving the plot forward by interrogating the former police officer and finding out Korn is behind this. So, why does Kim push Porchay away? To make progress. Love is blinding, and Kim can’t afford to be blind right now, especially since Big’s dead, Vegas is loose in the wild, and Porchay is involved. He needs to find the truth, so he needs to isolate and focus. (And I get that. Whether it's academic, personal, or creative writing, I isolate myself for days, just to write. So if I was investigating someone or something, I’d push people away too.)
Reason #3: Kim needs to protect himself. I want to jokingly cite BBC’s Sherlock (since we love calling Kim “Kimlock Holmes.”) Very famously, Sherlock says to John Watson, “Alone is what I have. Alone protects me.” When Sherlock says this, he’s implying that friends, family, strangers, can betray him at any turn. Kim is someone that was raised to be suspicious: hence, he suspects this ray of sunshine at the start of the series. Kim knows no one can betray him if he’s alone, which I think is different from isolation. Isolation, for Kim, is self imposed for many reasons (artistic, familial, social), but being alone is self-sacrifice for Kim. While he’s no longer suspicious of Porchay, Porchay is his weakness. Sure, my man can take two tasers, but he got involved with the mafia again because he wants to protect Porchay. He knows he can be a better chess piece/investigator if he’s alone. So he destroys his relationship with Porchay.
Reason #4: That young adult teenage bullshit of “If yOU LoVe THeM leT tHEm GoO.” That’s it. I firmly believe Kim can be cliche. I mean come on. "Who do you like and can you write them a love song??" That’s top tier cliche. Hell, I did that in my early twenties. I could definitely see Kim pulling the “If it’s meant to be, it will be” crap. (This is purely my speculation, and there’s really no evidence for it at all. What can I say? I’m hopeless romantic.)
I’m going to very gently push back on your observation that the break up was after he found out about Korn’s involvement. At the start of the episode, Kim’s first outfit is dark wash denim with the sleeves rolled down, a black t-shirt, double chain necklace with a loop, and only one ear accessorized with earrings.
The second denim outfit is similar, but has some key changes: dark wash denim that looks lighter because of the sunlight, with the sleeves rolled up, a black t-shirt, and a chain link necklace with charms, with both ears adorned with earrings. I have a crazy theory that necklaces mean something, but, as my best friend tells me, an accessory can make or break an outfit. I think the absence of earrings, changes in the necklaces, and stylization of the denim means two different outfits, which would mean that 1) Yes, Kim Theerpanyakul is AN OUTFIT REPEATER but 2) He’s technically wearing two different outfits because of those key differences.
That aside, to talk more about these outfits, I’d like to cite @hael987's theory on Dark/Light Kimchay. Here, they suggest that Porchay exists in brighter lightening/warmer and brighter tones, while Kim exists in the opposite. I think some of that is applicable here to differentiate the outfits. When Kim is wearing the first denim outfit, he’s back in the dark, alone, cold. As @hael987 says, “Kim lives in a darker world… living alone and away from his family” (2022). Now, when he interrogates the police officer at the temple, Kim is basked in a lighter setting, making his clothes appear a bit lighter. (EDIT: hael987 talks more about this here, which you may want to read as well!) While the lighter tones symbolize family for Porchay, it unfortunately and literally signals Porchay’s family as Kim finds out his family is involved with Chay’s parents’ deaths. Does that make sense? It might not. I’m sorry.
If Kim does end up feeling scared of Porchay’s reaction to whatever he finds out about his parents’ deaths, then that’s a good thing. That means Kim has learned to weigh other people’s emotions against consequences (which he may have not done/underestimated in ep 11.) It means he’s becoming empathetic and more understanding about what it means to love someone unconditionally.
The overarching question of what Kim gets from all of this? Who knows. To me, he gets peace of mind. He gets assurance of Porchay’s safety. He gets more time and focus on solving the murders and protecting his family. I don’t know if those are good enough reasons to push Porchay away. What I can say is that, besides murder, I am guilty of pushing people away for those same reasons, and more, so I understand Kim’s actions.
This is very long and I am so sorry.
