#halelikehell

[himbowelsh]

Oh oh! What about buck meeting toye and guarnere after the war and he gets so relieved to see them looking healthy .. like, tears! While Bill and Joe gets all awkward and tries to cheer him up. Buck need to see his boys being fine and safe :'3

[himbowelsh]

I have been thinking about this since I read your fic about moore and spiers as roommates and I feel that I need more information about them. I mean, everyone fears spiers and he is a magpie. But somehow Moore seems to be even mORE of a magpie. Everyone wonder HOW moore survive every night and he just look smug when they ask him if he isnt afraid of him. Wtf?? And does it happen that people blame spiers for lost things when it actually was Moore? Spiers should've killed him ages ago - how?? Plz

(2/2)I just. It would just be amazing. Like, More doesn’t do stuff often and is mostly quiet so people forget about it (tho they’re always surprised someone survived all night sharing a room with spiers). But then he DO something and everyone notice it because Spiers is FURIOUS. But he cant do anything because More is THAT good, there’s no evidence. Spiers have probably turned their room up and down more than once because of it? More is just all smugcalm, he has survived all bets about his death 

this is amazing and i love this headcanons, but consider this -- speirs knows EXACTLY hat’s going on, and has proof.

okay, look, having two compulsive magpies in the same room is chaos

their room has stuff hidden everywhere. like, there’s a few watches in the sock drawer. they don’t own 80% of their DVD collection. technically their pillows aren’t theirs. there’s a picture of someone’s grandmother on the wall, and no one knows whose. that’s not even speirs’s laptop. don’t look under the bed.

and people just??? blame speirs for everything?? more doesn’t know a darn thing, don’t look at him. everyone knows who he lives with. he’s innocent.

“alton, why do you have all my textbooks?” “oh, speirs just gave them to me. i thought they were a gift.”

also, more is like??? helpful?? like, he helps people look for their stuff.

it’s a trap.

the thing is, they both KNOW. more knows exactly what speirs gets up to, but he could never say anything, because speirs knows about him. they both have all this proof, and they hold it over each others heads like lead weights, but they’ll never let it drop. it would be mutually assured destruction.

so they have an unspoken agreement. they leave each other’s stuff alone, and wreak havoc on everyone else.

(they also have certain people they care about, so they’re automatically excluded as well. speirs refuses to let anyone put their hands on lipton or grant’s stuff, and more respects winters too much to let anything of his go missing. nix is still fair game, though, so speirs can live with this.)

they’ll even compete with each other to see who can get the most stuff. speirs is shameless about it, just picking things out of people’s hands and walking away. more is way subtler.

they’re absolute terrors. if something goes missing, everybody knows to go to more and speris’s room, because it’ll probably be there.

[himbowelsh]

Omg, Phyllis/Phil and Nix was sooo adorable! 😍 And then those gifs of that scene ... and now i kinda want to prompt you with Dick giving Lew a dog after the war because he knows how much Lew miss having a dog 😇 Floofff!! Btw, I feel like Dick is more of a cat person somehow but he still likes all kind of animals really (like me *cough*) .... does Dick need to have a cat? I feel like he does.

He’s never been much for surprises — which is usually okay, because the people he’s closest too are rarely inspired to surprise him. It’s not as if he doesn’t like them, or they don’t care enough. There’s a silent agreement between him and the people he knows that as long as he doesn’t inconvenience them with something unexpected, they’ll show him the same decency.

Kathy’s letter was a nasty surprise — though, in retrospect, he can’t call it unexpected. He knew it was coming, and that she would take as much as her immaculately manicured hands could carry with her. He didn’t expect to lose his house, or his dog. That was the really low blow.

She took the dog for Maddie, she explained (in a separate later months later, in response to his profanity-laden reply). Their little girl is attached to Sammy. Lewis could never be so cruel as to take him away from her, could he?

(He could, if he had any delusion that Maddie would be coming to visit him. His ex-wife took his dog so there’s nothing for his little girl to come back to — especially not him.)

In short, Lewis has had his fill of surprises for the year. Hell, he’d be fine being done with them for a lifetime.

His father presenting him with a brand new house on his return to Nixon wasn’t expected, but it wasn’t a surprise. It’s not like Lewis could live in a house that doesn’t belong to him anymore. Of course, he knows what it really is — his father’s grand gesture to congratulate him for not dying.

(His father bought his way out of the first war. He doesn’t understand why Lewis went. He will never understand that clawing, overpowering sense of desperation — the need to escape the stagnancy of a life encased in gold, to stand up and do something instead of letting the rest of the world fall to hell while you just watch. These are feelings his father could never relate to. On the days that Lewis wonders if his fatal flaw isn’t the whiskey but his similarities to his father, he reminds himself of this.)

Dick Winters showing up on his doorstep that January with new callouses on his hands, a just-purchased suit, and a puppy is almost too much of a surprise for Lewis to take.

“Dick,” he blurts out, because his tongue has caught up with his eyes faster than his brain. When he blinks past the hangover haze, Dick is still there. Flakes of snow dust his honey-bronzed hair, but he’s grinning warm as the Lancaster sun.

“Hi, Nix,” he says. “I got you something.”

Lewis gapes at him for a few seconds longer before remembering himself, tugging the door open. Dick gratefully steps inside, kicking ice off his shoes on the front porch. “You shouldn’t have,” he says, (at this point assuming the something is the dog, not Dick himself).

Dick huffs a laugh. Still bundled up in his coat, he presses the leash into Lewis’s hands before turning to shrug off his coat. Lewis finds himself staring into the warm brown eyes of a wriggly German Shepherd puppy.

“Uhh - Dick?”

“Yes?” Dick seems to be looking for a coat rack, bless him. At his father’s house the butler would take his coat, but here Lewis just grunts towards the closet at the far end of the foyer. He’s still blinking at the puppy, and the puppy is blinking back at him. The longer he stares, the more convinced he becomes that he’s dreaming.

“Care to tell me why there’s a small, furry bundle of joy in my house?”

Dick turns back to him, in that infuriatingly nonchalant way that makes him seem so innocent when he’s anything but. “It’s your new dog,” he says with a shrug. Lewis’s throat feels a little tight.

“You got me a dog.”

“I did,” he replies. When he emerges from the closet, Lewis gets a good look at how flushed his cheeks are from the outside chill. “I figured if I’m taking you up on your offer, a welcoming gift would be a good idea.” He blinks at Lewis, face free of uncertainty. “Is that job still available?”

Of course it is. Lewis has reiterated his request during every phone call, in every letter he and Dick have exchanged since their feet landed back on American soil. Lewis has said a lot since they got back, while it feels like Dick is saying less and less with every phone call. Until Dick showed up on his doorstep…

(Well, he doesn’t want to admit that it had been seeming less and less implausible by the week, because that would mean admitting to himself that he’s afraid of losing Dick. There is a reason, however, that he’s so knocked off-course by Dick’s surprise arrival.)

He exhales a breath that he’s been holding for so long he’d almost forgotten about it. A grin spreads across his face. “You know, Dick, I think we can find a place for you.”

The puppy yips, and Lewis’s attention swerves back to him once more. His tiny snout nuzzles into Lewis’s palm. He feels a tongue brush against his fingers, and something inside of him melts.

“Oh man,” he sighs. The puppy leaps into his arms; he holds him like a teddy bear, allowing his face to be lavished with kisses. “Oh man, Dick, he’s for me? Where did you get him? Why — oh man — this is the best surprise. The best. I love you.”

Dick is under no impression that the last comment was directed at him (even though it sort of was). He’s wearing the same dumb, goofy grin he gets whenever he cracks a bad joke, or sees Lewis in the mornings. “I bought him from a neighbor in Lancaster. He rode the train with me the whole way here. Ever since he stole a pack of Charlie’s Peanuts from the snack cart I’ve been calling him Charlie, but if you’ve got a better idea —“

“I like Charlie. He looks like a Charlie.” That’s what Lewis said when Kathy named Maddie too, mostly because his only ideas were along the line of Geraldine and Eunice. Better off not letting him name things. Looking at the puppy now, he can’t help but think that Charlie is perfect.

Dick only grins. He knows everything about Lewis — he knows he’s much he dislikes surprises, and also that this would be the sort that he would love. “You just can’t let him come back to Lancaster. I don’t think Miss Phillips would be thrilled.”

“Miss Phillips?” Lewis echoes, frowning in spite of the coarse tongue caressing his cheek. Then, realization hits. “Oh, Dick, no. Don’t tell me you have a cat.”

“She’s a barn cat. We found her this autumn. She’s got three kittens.”

He sounds so thrilled about this that Lewis can’t help but groan. “Diiiick, I should have known. You’re a cat person. Our friendship ends. Here”

Dick huffs a dry laugh. “That’d be a waste, considering I came all the way here.”

Lewis stands up. The puppy rolls at his feet, making his heart swell with affection — but it’s still nothing compared to how he feels looking at the man in front of him.

He finally hugs Dick, and the last piece of the puzzle slots into place. Just like that, they’re back by a lake in Austria again, and everything is just how it should be. Nothing has changed, not really.

Except they’re both alive, they’re both home, and Lewis Nixon has a dog.

[himbowelsh]

Now i can't get the picture of bull knitting out of my head - it's perfect! ... omg imagine johnny martin stepping by and catch bull sittning there in his comfy armchair knitting (and a purring cat in hus lap to make the picture perfect). Martin is admittedly a bit surprised, and bull just raises an eyebrow. But it remains between them and once when Martin complained about his cold dark apartment he got a light colored quilt. He love it. Bull just like to have something to do with his hands. 😍

bull randleman is just out there doing his best

[himbowelsh]

Damn I got too late for the ship meme thing but maybe next time you do something similar, consider bull/martin? I kind of feel like they would be such a rare but fun pair to do something like that with. Please? ❤

Ahh, why not? These two definitely need more content, so I’ll make an exception this once!

meme me up, scotty (NO LONGER ACCEPTING)

acts like they’re dying when they have a cold

When he’s sick, Martin gets miserable and bitchy. He’ll complain about pretty much anything, including whatever care he may (or may not) be getting. It takes a strong-willed person to put up with him -- luckily, Bull is able to handle it.

gets mad at the TV and throws the remote

During the presidential debates, Martin broke FOUR remotes. There were only three debates.

gets the worst road rage

Martin is an excellent driver. He gets where he needs to go fast, he’s ruthless on the road, and has no problem bitching someone out for being an idiot. He won’t start a fight, but his death glares have caused more than one person to nearly crash their car.

spends too much time in the bathroom on their phone

Bull likes his baths, and he likes to listen to music. He’ll listen through an entire Reba McEntire album until his fingers are turned to prunes and he’s used up all the hot water.

packs the whole closet for an overnight trip

Nah, they’re both survivalists. All they need is an extra pair of underwear and some energy bars, and they’re good to go for a week.

hates the in-laws

Neither of them! Johnny’s (very affectionate, very energetic) family thing Bull is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and Bull’s country parents treat Johnny like some sort of Christmas present. (Johnny swears he gains ten pounds every time he visits Bull’s family home, because his mother won’t stop feeding him. If there’s any reason Johnny would dislike Bull’s family a little, it’s that.)

hits the snooze button…11 times

Bull is willing to do a lot of things without complaint, but waking up early is not one of them.

makes the other late for work

It’s one of Bull’s favorite things to do, even though he knows it drives Johnny nuts. He loves to pin Johnny up against the wall just before he has to leave and murmur all the things he’s going to do to him once he gets home. A lot of the time, Johnny can barely force himself out the door.

uses the television as a babysitter

Johnny doesn’t do kids. He does do action movies. As long as he’s forced to be around children, they’re going to learn all the intricacies of the Die Hard series.

takes in the stray dog

Bull can’t turn away strays. When he finds a puppy hiding in an alleyway in the middle of a rainstorm, he doesn’t say anything; he just tucks him in his jacket and carries him home. Johnny comes home to find Bull cradling the puppy to his chest, wrapped up in a blanket to keep him warm. Johnny's shorthair cat, Rambo, is hiding in the corner and hissing.

leaves their shoes out for the other to trip over

It’s not Johnny’s fault, he just sometimes forgets to put things away. Seeing Bull go down is like watching a brick house topple.

can’t make up their mind when it comes to dinner

Martin will switch what he wants to eat three times in the same night, but somehow Bull always knows just what to make him. He never has any complaints.

needs to be reminded of all their appointments

Bull is good at getting where he needs to go, he’s just not always an ace at remembering. Fortunately, Johnny keeps a very well-maintained calendar.

bribes the other into doing chores, getting out of the house…and taking a shower

When Johnny’s in a really bad mood, he’ll be less inclined to do things like chores, or leaving the house. If Bull has to tell him to shower otherwise he’ll get no dinner, Johnny will (reluctantly) kick his ass into gear. (”What are you, my mother?” “Don’t insult me. I’d make prettier babies than you.”)

picks the movies

Johnny never feels more powerful than when he has control of the remote. Bull isn’t a big TV-watcher anyway, so he lets him control it.

takes the safety steps when building a pillow fort

If Johnny wants a pillow fort, he will build a pillow fort. Small fire starting accidents are unfortunate, but if they have to happen then what the hell. It’s Bull who makes sure his boyfriend doesn’t get crushed or burned alive in his pursuit of a comfy handout spot.

kisses the other’s injuries better

Bull will do this with Johnny. Without fail, it makes him shut up, turn red, and have to fight to hold back a grin.

kills the spiders

Johnny has a lot of aggression to get out, and Bull has mild arachnophobia.

hogs the blankets

They both do, but Bull does it by accident and Johnny does it on purpose. Bull is so huge that he can’t really help it. Johnny is small, gets cold easily, and will be damned if he lets his boyfriend have all of those blankets when he’s a giant human space heater.

takes pranks too far

Johnny is a prankster mastermind. Some of the things he thinks up are positively unholy. Bull is always willing to be his partner in crime, but he’s able to tell him when it’s a really bad idea -- like spraypainting someone’s car or leaving a dead fish in their locker.

makes the dirty jokes

They’re both up for a dirty joke on occasion, but Johnny will usually say it sidelong in someone else’s ear. It’s Bull who’s willing to blurt it out, and it usually takes people by surprise. 

keeps a piggy bank

Johnny has a stash of hundred dollar bills in the bathroom cabinet, in an old shaving cream box. Bull might add a couple dollars to it on occasion, but Johnny never notices.

gets a tattoo when they’re drunk

A drunk Johnny is honestly a riot. He talked Bull into going out and getting couple tattoos when they were drunk; then he blacked out, and Bull has to explain to him why he had half of a heart tattooed on his left buttcheek the next morning.

trips over their own feet

They’re both quite agile, but when Bull gets drunk, it’s... not funny. He wobbles, he stumbles, he falls -- and he’s not an easy guy to carry. When Bull Randleman falls on you, it hurts like hell.

makes the other go for a walk

Johnny’s the type of person who doesn’t trust people alone in their house -- say, the exterminator, or the painters. Bull has picked Johnny up and carried him out of the house to keep him from staring poor maintenance workers down, more than once.

whines until they get what they want

You would not think it to look at him, but when Bull wants something, he’s persistent. He doesn’t whine, but he will pester Johnny until he caves. He knows just the right amount of pressure to add until he cracks.

tries to act tough but really isn’t

Johnny puts on a really tough front, but Bull knows he has his vulnerable spots that he hesitates to show.

talks the most, says the least

Johnny’s a fast-talker, but he usually doesn’t say anything he doesn’t mean.

talks the least, says the most

While Bull can be a man of few words, he cares about what he says. He doesn’t speak up if he doesn’t have anything to say.

[himbowelsh]

I'm sorry! I know I have sent you a lot of prompts but they just keep showing up in my head! So ... In roe's episode you know, you could see Dick look so worried about Gene. And I just want something where Dick actually went up to Gene in private and took care of him for a moment. Wrapping him with a blanket or giving him something warm to drink or whatever. Just major Winters taking care of his medic who takes so good care of his men. Plz? *hides*

[himbowelsh]

I loved your teacher!AU - pretty please maybe write headcanons about it? Like who is the teacher of what and so on. 😍

okay, so easy school has cycled through a hell of principals. first it was Mr. Sobel, who staff and students alike hated. eventually the staff went to the teacher’s union and got him fired. he was replaced by Mr. Meehan, who was transferred to another school after just a few weeks. so, in the chaos, Vice-principal Winters took over and he’s been running things ever since.

Nixon is the new VP. he’s constantly hungover; by the end of the day, he always smells a little like booze. this man should probably not be working in a school. his father is chairman of the school board, so that could explain how he’s still got a job. he’s also damn good at running things from behind the scenes. when they need to interrogate kids on a discipline matter, they send in Nixon.

Liebgott and Webster are both english teachers, as stated, and they’re at each other’s throats pretty much constantly, even after they start dating. literary insults abound. most of the school ships them. the students have started an instagram page just for them, where they post pictures of their boards everyday and snapshots of the two together. Vice Principal Nixon follows it.

Speirs and Lip are both history teachers. Speirs teaches ancient civilizations, and Lip focuses on current events (and psychology). it seems like they shouldn’t get along, but oddly enough they work of each other well. they go over their curriculum notes together, grade papers with each other, and sometimes even teach joint classes if their subjects parallel each other. no one else really gets how the nicest teacher in school is friends with the one who allegedly threw a kid out a window, but Speirs and Lip make it work.

Guarnere is the librarian, and Babe is the college student who volunteers to help out at his old high school for community service credits. babe has no clue what he’s doing. since Bill (who the kids have universally nicknamed “Gonorrhea”) runs his library like a CIA databank, he goes crazy finding books where they shouldn’t be and is always instructing Babe on how he’s doing things wrong. even so, he’s a good boss. the kids like Babe a little better than Bill, because he’s super friendly and willing to help them find whatever book they need.

one day, an entire bookshelf falls on top of Babe’s head. this is how school nurse Roe meets him, and comes to the immediate conclusion that this is the most helpless creature he’s ever seen and that he needs to protect him. so babe winds up helping in the nurse’s office whenever he’s not in the library. he’s not complaining, of course, because that means extra credits for him, and he gets to work alongside the cool and quiet Doc Roe.

Malarkey, Skip, and Penk totally run the cafeteria, and they’re universally adored. Malarkey helps kids pick out their food when they can’t decide what they want. Penk is always trying to get healthier choices on the menu, and encourages the kids to have fresh fruits. Skip is always giving kids free meals if they can’t afford them; more than once he’s even paid out of his own pocket.

Johnny Martin is the janitor. kids are terrified of him, but he does his job damn well. he’s constantly bitches about having to clean the cafeteria and bathrooms (because high school kids are so excellent at keeping everything clean). god help any kids that he catches purposefully making messes.

Perconte is the school dentist, because of course he is. (does every school have a dentist?? my elementary, middle, and high schools all did.)

Harry is the school guidance counselors, and his office is about the most cheerful place in the whole school. he has a bunch of stress toys for kids to play with and is such a listening ear that everybody loves him.

Buck is the math teacher who coaches football in his spare time. his room has trophies and sports memorabilia everywhere. he also has his own bookshelf, because he’s a prolific reader, and if he likes a kid he’ll let them borrow some of his books.

Joe Toye teaches chemistry, and somehow things are always catching on fire in his classroom. he really likes explosions -- it’s not his fault. he’s strict, and has no patience for idiots, but he makes chemistry easy and fun for the kids who want to learn.

finally, Luz is right there as the school secretary. he answers phone calls, fields annoying parents, helps kids who are confused about their schedules, and has a witty comment for whoever he talks to. everybody loves him.

[himbowelsh]

Luz is a mad driver right? But what about the others! What kind of drivers are they? What are your headcanons? I mean you would think Dick is a proper driver but i remember a scene where they were driving in the woods and Lew looked like he was going to fall out of the jeep tho he tried to look cool 😂

Richard Winters

okay, to start with, dick loves driving.

he loves it! it’s fun, it’s liberating, it’s exciting, and he’s able to be a little adventurous.

he is very adventurous.

dick has two driving modes -- overly cautious (“it’s a stop sign, you have to come to a full stop, you have to wait, it says STOP for a reason”) or has never heard the word caution in his life (“the light is yellow, not red. time to floor it.”)

dick isn’t a bad driver, but you never know what to expect with him. riding with him is always an adventure.

Lewis Nixon

lew has nearly hit five people

like. not cars. PEOPLE.

he wasn’t even drunk (he has an awful track record in p much everything alcohol-related, but he’s never once driven drunk). he just... doesn’t look sometimes.

he does his best.

he is, however, way more predictable than winters. he doesn’t take unnecessary risks on the road, and he doesn’t make his passengers anxious. he’s a better driver, tbh, as long as his head’s in the game.

Carwood Lipton

lip could be a driving teacher, okay? he’s a really good driver.

he keeps his head, he stays calm, and he’s vigilant on the roads. he knows what he’s doing.

everyone wants to drive with lip. he has a really nice jeep -- it’s roomy, comfortable, smells nice, and drives smoothly even on dirt roads. lip is the best driver.

Ron Speirs

ron enjoys driving just as much as dick. ron is also, somehow, even more unpredictable than dick.

he can usually keep himself from speeding, and obeys the rules of the road. he’s not a reckless driver, and not unsafe by any means, because he loves his car. ron has a passion for cars, and he loves his baby.

somehow, he has never gotten a ticket??? like?? no one knows how he does it.

okay, ron chases people. if they piss him off, he will literally chase them.

he has gotten out of his car and chased people on foot.

ron does not have road rage, but god help anyone who tries to come at him.

may or may not have a legal license, but that’s not about to stop him.

Harry Welsh

harry is kind of a speed demon

seriously, no one wants to drive with him. 

he just... he gets excited. he has places to be, people to meet, and everyone on the road is just so SLOW. he gets road-rage sometimes, and has gotten into more than a few arguments with cops while getting ticketed.

harry is the one to eventually teach his and kitty’s son how to drive. and harry’s a teacher, okay, so he knows how to deal with nervous teenagers, so you’d think he’d be real good at it

he’s not. he freaks out. he doesn’t start yelling (he’s never been that sort of dad) but he gets PANICKY and makes his kid so nervous that the car stops in the middle of the road

(kitty has to take over. she’s a much better driving teacher than harry.)

George Luz

basically

he’s trying his best okay but sweet jesus

don’t get in a car with george luz

Joe Toye

road rage incarnate

joe likes to think he’s a very safe driver, but he’s... he’s not. he does his best but he just isn’t.

he gets way too worked up. it’s kind of funny hearing him yell at people from behind the wheel. he monologues. he snarls like an angry badger.

he’s gotten into races before. people piss him off and he just -- goes for it.

“oh, you wanna go, jackass? is this really how you wanna do it? fuckin’ -- fine. eat my dust!”

Bill Guarnere

road rage 2.0 - revenge of the obsolete swear words

bill likes to do the driving whenever they’re going somewhere, and he’s honestly a good driver. he just... gets frustrated really, really easily.

he’ll curse anyone out. he’ll curse your mom out. he’ll curse himself out.

he’s the type of guy who cheers on people who try fighting in the middle of the street, just for the hell of it. well, he’ll curse at them for being idiots, but cheer them on in the same breath.

nothing stops bill, okay? he’s driven 20 miles on two blown out tires. he one crashed into a tree, and drove home with half the tree still embedded in his car. HE HAS ONE LEG AND HES STILL DRIVING.

u wanna get bill guarnere off the road? haha good luck.

Babe Heffron

once again he tries his best

this does not mean he knows what he’s doing

he’s an anxious driver. he doesn’t mean to be, and he’ll deny it if anyone says anything, but he gets nervous, okay? people on the road are idiots. he doesn’t like driving, and he’ll only do it if bill or gene isn’t willing to cart him around.

will not hesitate to yell out the window at dumb drivers, but won’t actually fight anyone himself

Eugene Roe

boy has nerves of steel, ok

he does not get mad, and he definitely doesn’t lose his cool on the road. he knows his car inside and out, and he knows a surprising amount about mechanics. he takes good care of his girl.

the type of person to name his car. the ancient convertible he has is named Lucy.

gene is the sort of person you want to drive with.

David Webster

the “hey, can you give me a ride?” friend

like, everybody hates him. if they know web has plans to go somewhere one day, they also know he won’t think about transport until the last minute. his friends will actively avoid answering their phones if they see him calling, because they don’t want to be roped into giving him a ride.

(he doesn’t even give gas money, ffs)

getting your license is just a lot of effort, okay? and driving makes him nervous anyway. web has a bike. he has feet. he has JOE.

joe is pretty much web’s chauffeur most of the time. he doesn’t know how this happened, but he’ll bitch about it every chance he gets.

Joe Liebgott

joe knows how to freakin’ drive, okay?

he could have been a pro racecar driver, but decided to aim for taxis instead. he likes cars enough, and he’s a good enough driver. he’s in his element when he’s on the road.

he’s just the right combination of careful and risky. plus he’s a fast driver -- he gets where he needs to go. 

Don Malarkey

okay, who gave him a car??? who???

malarkey has stolen cars. he’s a speed demon. he races people for fun.

malark does’t know what he’s doing.

he has such a track record of getting tickets that it’s amazing he hasn’t actually gone to jail by now. (he’s really good about paying them off, and he’s got a few police officer friends)

still this man should probably not be on the road. every ride is a joyride for him.

Skip Muck

a very, very cautious driver, believe it or not.

road time is not playtime. malarkey’s the joyrider. skip has driven a carpool for his little sister and her friends since he was sixteen. he doesn’t mess around.

he doesn’t get road rage, but he will rant at other unsafe drivers a little bit. no yelling, though, because he hates people who do that.

he’s the one who teaches his little sister to drive, and he’s about the most patient teacher ever.