Are rare pairs accepted for the prompts? If so, Hanamakki/Iwaizumi & hüzün.
hüzün (turkish, n.) - a melancholy resulting from inadequacy or failure and weighing so heavily that it becomes communal, resigned, and even curiously poetic
***
At least to Hanamaki, it seems obvious that Iwaizumi Hajime is not a confident young man.
He has all the right reasons to be-- smart, talented, capable, caring-- but every now and again Hanamaki would catch the self-conscious little way his shoulders tense after a missed spike (not in the passionate way they did when faced with a tricky block, but when he keeps trying that cut shot and can’t get his shoulders to cooperate), or when there’s a passing comment about his height, his looks, his temper. Hanamaki watches, trying desperately to keep his concern veiled, but sometimes he... itches.
‘What would Iwaizumi do with an abundance of praise’, he wonders, as his eyes slowly drag over to Iwaizumi. Their ace is praised often, of course, but not quite in the way he has in mind.
Hanamaki pops his water bottle out from between his lips. “Hey, Iwaizumi,” he calls, “is it heavy?”
From the other side of the net, Iwaizumi pauses, his brow furrowing in confusion. “Is what heavy?”
“That empty skull?” Oikawa pipes up.
Matsukawa is quick to follow suit, albeit in a somewhat less harsh way. “Those massive biceps?”
“No,” Hanamaki says, and he makes sure Iwaizumi’s eyes are on him, “carrying the weight of this team on your back?”
There’s a deafening beat of silence as Iwaizumi’s cheeks flush bright red and Matsukawa, whose chuckle comes as a much-needed relief, fills that empty space. “That sounds about right,” he muses. “Oikawa does a decent job, I guess, but more of it is delegated to you than you realize.”
Oikawa gives a squawk. “Hey, now! Let’s make sure there’s no undermining of authority!”
“I’m not undermining anything.” Hanamaki looks back at Iwaizumi, who’s staring at him with rather wide eyes. “I just think our vice captain needs a bit of love, that’s all.”
***
“Hanamaki.”
At his name, he turns. Iwaizumi is standing a few paces behind him, gripping his bag tightly in one hand, the setting sun catching the glint of his sharp eyes. “Hm?”
“Why did you say that stuff earlier?”
“Because I think it’s true.” Hanamaki gives a very slight shrug, though now that they’re alone, his gut is tight with worry. “Do you want me to take it back?”
Iwaizumi clicks his teeth together. “No,” he admits rather rigidly, “just-- it kind of caught me off guard.”
On a telephone pole far above them, a crow lets out a guttural call. “Do you not think it’s true?” Hanamaki asks, taking a couple of steps closer. “That you’re an important part of this team?”
Something bizarre and rather indistinguishable takes over Iwaizumi’s features. “I think we’re all important.”
“Iwaizumi.”
“I don’t know,” comes Iwaizumi’s snappy response, and that strange expression gets washed away by annoyance. “Oikawa isn’t the only one who feels the looming threat of Karasuno, you know. I constantly give him shit for being too hard on himself, but-- I never want to be the reason that we lose this chance and I’m worried that I won’t hit the mark.”
Hanamaki knows that Iwaizumi isn’t one to shy away from blunt answers, but this feels... different. Iwaizumi’s looking at him like he just bore something personal, something volatile, and is standing rigid as he waits for a response. “That answer annoys me,” Hanamaki says, “seeing as you are consistently better than me.”
“You do realize that arm wrestling isn’t the sole indicator of merit, right? You’re a regular too, good game sense and connection with the underclassmen--”
“Could you do me a favor and for once acknowledge your own worth?”
That one, the worth, stops Iwaizumi in his tracks. Regret spills out from Hanamaki’s lungs and he takes a few short steps, closing the distance between them and grabbing Iwaizumi’s shoulders. “I admire you.”
“That’s dumb, Hanamaki. We’re kids.”
“I still admire you. I still think you are worth every accolade that is awarded to you, and all the doting looks from our underclassmen, and I’ve still kinda got a thing for you after all this time.” Whoops. “Alright? This doesn’t define your worth.”
Iwaizumi just looks at him for a second, seemingly at a loss of what to say, until he straightens his spine a bit and frowns. “You’ve got a thing for me?”
A harsh sigh falls from Hanamaki’s lips, though it’s closer to relief than embarrassment. His hands drop back down to his sides. “Well, yeah. I had it pretty bad our first year.”
“Oh.” Hanamaki puts some space between them as Iwaizumi takes a deep breath, the words having apparently shaken a bit of the fog from his mind. “That’s... cool.”
“‘Cool’?”
“Yeah.” Iwaizumi gives him a sidelong glance. “You sort of helped me figure out my, er... preferences.”
That pulls Hanamaki’s attention. “Oh?” he says, picking up his pace as Iwaizumi starts down the street, “in what way?”
“I realized that not every guy I could see myself attracted to is a total dickwipe.”
“Ah.” Hanamaki smiles a little. “Are you in love with Oikawa?”
“Yes. But I would rather die than admit it to his face.” Iwaizumi takes a second to ponder. “And I’m not sure in what... way I love him.”
“I think I get that. You two just sorta complete each other, no?”
“Unfortunately.” They reach the fork in the road where Hanamaki splits off to catch the bus and they both come to a halt, Iwaizumi quietly clearing his throat. “Uh... thanks, Takahiro. Didn’t know there was wisdom beneath all that cynicism and snark.”
Hanamaki’s smile grows into a grin. “I’m an endless fountain of undeniable truths,” he says, then reaches out to playfully tousle Iwaizumi’s thick hair. “I’ll butter you up any time you need, don’t worry.”
***
“Oh, so get this.”
“Mmh? Wow, really?”
“I haven’t actually said it yet, Matsukawa.”
“Oh, right. Go ahead.”
“So I kind of... accidentally came out to Iwaizumi earlier. After practice.”
“I thought you had already come out to him?”
“Ah-- no, I did, I meant that I confessed. Sort of.”
“‘Sort of’?”
“I said that I kind of have a thing for him.”
“I see. Is that true?”
“I mean, yeah. Basically.”
“And he didn’t flip out?”
“No?”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I dunno. I guess there isn’t one.”
***
The adrenaline that had flooded into him after leaving that gymnasium has all drained away, Hanamaki’s mind now stuffy with disheartened expressions and shaking shoulders. Karasuno winning had been a possibility, of course, but in practice it just felt... unfair.
When he slumps down into his seat on the bus he almost immediately shuts his eyes, feeling the weight of Matsukawa sinking down next to him.
“You okay, ‘Hiro?”
“Yeah.”
***
“Where are you going for university, again?”
Hanamaki watches as Iwaizumi idly spins a volleyball over his knuckles, a slightly distant look in his eyes. “Irvine. California.”
“Wow, America, that’s... real far.”
“Yeah.”
“You wouldn’t want to go somewhere closer?”
“I mean, I got in on a good scholarship. Since it’s an option I want to take it.”
“Right.”
Iwaizumi looks over at him. “What about you?”
“Uh... not sure yet.”
“Are you gonna stay with Matsukawa?”
“I don’t know. You gonna join the volleyball team over there?”
Iwaizumi seems to cringe just a little at that, but he takes a deep breath and nods. “I think so. If I can make the cut.”
“You will.”
“Just wanna be realistic, is all.”
***
“So are you gonna tell him?”
“Tell him what, Matsukawa? I already confessed, but he didn’t do anything.”
“Iwaizumi isn’t really one for heartfelt confessions, you know. You might have to be the one to say something.”
“Ugh. There’s no real point, anyway. He’s moving to another country at the end of the summer.”
“True, but you could at least enjoy yourself before that point.”
“... I really don’t know if he likes me in that way. Why would he have waited to say something?”
“Maybe he’s nervous.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I can do it.”
“What? Seriously, Hanamaki?”
“I don’t want to ruin the last bit of time we have together because of my stupid crush.”
“So you really won’t tell him?”
“I don’t... I don’t think so, no. I’ll sit on it.”
“On your feelings for him?”
“Yeah. Just sink into this pit I’ve created for myself and sort of... float. I don’t think I’m good enough for him anyway.”
“Don’t say that. That’s exactly the sort of thing you criticize him for saying.”
“Yeah, yeah. Sorry.”
“Are you gonna be okay?”
“Of course. It’s not the end of the world, it just...”
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Haikyuu!!
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Iwaizumi Hajime/Matsukawa Issei/Oikawa Tooru, Hanamaki Takahiro/Iwaizumi Hajime, Iwaizumi Hajime/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Hanamaki Takahiro & Iwaizumi Hajime & Matsukawa Issei & Oikawa Tooru
Characters: Hanamaki Takahiro, Iwaizumi Hajime, Oikawa Tooru, Matsukawa Issei
Additional Tags: Haikyuu!! Fantasy Exchange 2018, Ghosts, Temporary Character Death, Witches, Psychic Abilities, Necromancy, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, excessive time skips
Summary:
Being dead feels weird. It’s not quite as terrifying as one might think, at least in Takahiro’s opinion it’s not very terrifying, but it is lonely. Sure, over the years, he’d occasionally latch onto different people, but they could only ever see the effects of his presence. No one had ever been able to see him until now. Until Iwaizumi.
eyy it’s my @fantasyhaikyuuexchange gift for @littlekingcosplay!!
