Summary: "Souls tend to go back to who feels like home."
Word count: 1.716 words
Warnings: Fluffff, description of anxiety ( Chris has anxiety) Let me know if I forgot something!
A/N: Hello everyone! I hope everyone is doing well. I saw Chris yesterday at the MTV award and how he didn't want to be there lmao so I wrote something about it. Hope you all love it <3
English is not my first language, so I apologize if I made any grammar mistakes. Requests and feedback are always welcome xxx
This is an 18+ Blog. I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Those were the only words that were going through Chris’ head right now. He couldn’t shake this feeling that he was too familiar with. He knew it all too well.
Anxiety.
No matter how old he was, or how many awards shows he went to, anxiety crept up his body and made him shake like a maniac. It felt like his whole body was on fire and no ocean in the world could put it out. He felt sweaty, like he ran 5 miles. But he was standing in the same place for 7 minutes. The way his heart was beating so fast felt so unhealthy to him, that he wanted to call 911 twice since he came to the awards show. But he couldn’t.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Chris asked himself the question why he came to these events all the time, but every question had the same answer : “Because you’re an actor, you meatball. You have to do this.”
It wasn’t the fan interactions he didn’t enjoy. No, those were his favorites, actually. It was the reporters and the news that came out the day after that freaked him out. What if he did something wrong? What if he didn’t look good enough? What if they started hating him?
Every what if question that possibly exists was keeping shooting at him while he stood there without protection. But one question kept bugging him constantly.
What if they disrespected you?
That’s where he drew the line. He might me a chicken without a head when it was about him, but for you he was a lion.
Now and then, a reporter ‘tries’ to talk about you with Chris. They tell him it must be hard for him you were not known in the celebrity world.
the truth was, it wasn’t. He actually loved that you were not known. It made Chris feel normal and warm inside. Knowing that he can come home to you, cuddle with you, watching a movie while you tell what happened at the office today. It felt cozy. Like home.
Your presence soothed him without a doubt. Hearing your laugh, seeing your smile. It made him feel comfortable.
Even on your wedding when he was shitting bricks. The moment he saw you, all the noise inside his brain went still. He only could feel his heartbeat in his ears. His heartbeat was so fast, it felt so unhealthy. But Chris didn’t want to call 911. Because if he died at that moment, he knew he would die as a lucky man.
He honestly wished you were with him right now, while he was repeating his most important script in his head.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
He could hear the crowd cheering and screaming at whatever they saw. Chris didn’t want to hear that. The only thing that he wanted to hear right now was your voice. Your sweet, angelic voice that was better cure than any medicine that he ever took in his life. You solved every problem that he had like it was an easy math problem for children. God, he needed you so badly right now. If he had the chance, he would race home and cuddle you. But he can't. He made a promise. He has to do it.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
“Okay Chris, here’s your microphone and the card where that says the winner on it, you’ll be on after they show a trailer for the Lightyear movie, alright?” He simply nodded, taking the microphone and the card from the man, waiting for his time to ‘shine’. While his eyes were on the screen, he wasn’t actually watching his trailer. He was thinking about you just before he left his LA apartment. You were on the couch, wearing his Patriots hoodie, cuddling with dodger. He kissed you on the lips a couple of times. He remembers you saying that you loved him so much. He still remembers that he felt a teardrop on his cheek. He felt so lucky at that moment that you were his wife.
“Okay, Chris, you’re on!”
With the courage that was left in his body, he walked on the stage, seeing hundreds of people cheering, screaming and clapping for him. He felt his cheeks getting warmer and smiled at the love he was getting.
“Wow, that was a fun entrance. I’m honoured and excited to share all new sides of Buzz Lightyear that I know you’re all gonna love as much as I do. Movies have the power to capture our hearts. Bringing us unforgettable characters that stay with us our entire lives. They give us heroes to cheer for and inspire us the find the hero within ourselves. Here are the nominees for best movie.”
After his speech, he took a deep breath, thanking God that he didn’t mess up and that everything went smoothly so far. He watched on the screen every movie that was nominated and hoped that one day that one of his movies would be nominated too. But that was good to be true for Chris.
After his speech, he took a deep breath, thanking God that he didn’t mess up and that everything went smoothly so far. He watched on the screen every movie that was nominated and hoped that one day that one of his movies would be nominated too. But that was good to be true for Chris.
“And the golden popcorn goes to…”
He opened the card and saw SPIDERMAN NO WAY HOME written on it. He was very glad that a Marvel movie won the best movie and kept in mind to send Tom Holland a text.
“Spider man No way Home!” he said with a big smile while the crowd were screaming as loud as they could. Tom appeared on the big screen, thanking everyone while Chris looked at him proudly, seeing how much he grew as an actor. After he presented the award, he went backstage and asked his manager to give his phone back, checking if you sent a message. And just like he thought, there was a new message on his phone.
Y/N💙 :
Just watched you present the award, honey. You couldn't look more handsome. I’m genuinely proud of you! I can’t wait to see you win of those bad boys yourself. And don’t say that it’s too good to be true, honey, because you are an outstanding actor. You know you are. I love you so much. You don’t have to come directly home, you can stay at the after party ( if there is one lmao) Dodger and I will be fine. Enjoy honey, you deserve it. love you 🤍🤍🤍
Chris felt his eyes watering at your words. How were you so nice all the time? There was one place in the world where he wanted to be right now. Next to you. He didn’t care about the stupid after party or getting drunk. He only cared about you. His home.
“Nick, I’m going back to Y/N. My job is done here, okay? See you later.”
His manager was shocked hearing that he won’t attend the after party.
“You sure, man? I mean, yeah, your job is done, but we can hit the after party together. I can introduce you to some people, maybe.”
“Nah man, I would rather go home.”
So that’s what he did. After saying goodbye to his manager and some friends he saw, he stepped into his car and raced home. He drove back to you.
When he entered his apartment, he saw you eating a pizza while watching the Incredibles.
“Couldn’t control those pregnancy cravings, could ya honey?”
When you turned to look at him, he saw that there was sauce all over your chin and man that made him laugh. You never looked cuter in his eyes.
“Hey, don’t talk like you don’t know your own daughter. The girl loves to eat pizza at midnight. Speaking of, honey, what are you doing here? It thought you were staying at the after party since you didn’t answer my message back.”
He sat next to you and licked all the sauce off your chin, making you giggle.
“Nah, I would rather come back to you. And my baby girl who loves to eat pizza at midnight. Plus, I’m too old for partying now. I’m at the age where I watch Disney movies while my wife shares her pizza with me.” After hearing him say that, you took the pizza box from the coffee table away from Chris.
“I don’t recall me saying that I would share with you, honey. You can order your own pizza. This is mine.”
“Really? I thought it was my daughter’s.”
You looked at him, seeing how much he was enjoying the conversation.
“ Well, yeah, but she is inside my belly, isn’t she? So I have to eat the pizza for her. I’m performing a service for your daughter here. You should be thankful.”
He was. He was so thankful that you were his wife and the mother of his child. Never in a million years would Chris think he was lucky enough to find his soulmate. But he was, and he found that soulmate in you. No matter where he goes, he would always come back, to you.
“I am thankful honey, always.”
You felt bad that you didn’t share your pizza with him, so you offered a piece.
“Honey, no, I was just kidding. You and our baby can enjoy the pizza. I just want to enjoy watching this movie while I cuddle you.”
Seeing that he was serious, you put the pizza box back on the coffee table and snuggled close to Chris. You hugged him while he put an arm around you. You took his other hand and put in on your swollen belly, stroking it with him together.
“We love you so much, Chris.” Without taking your eyes off the screen, you said those words to him with much adoration in your voice. Chris smelled your hair, put his head on yours and kept rubbing your belly.
“I love you both so much Y/N, you do not even know. You guys are my everything. The only place I want to stay at. My home.”
LENGTH OF TIME IN PARIS: She grew up in Paris until she was about 12, and then moved to Istanbul with her mother, before shifting between New York and Ankara. She’s been back in Paris now for three months.
As a little girl who always complained of never being settled in one place, it was a wonder how she ended up here on a whim.
“Ne oldumb” dememeli, “Ne olacagim” demeli.
Don’t say, “What have I become?” But rather, “What will I become?”
Born in Paris to two successful individuals, a lawyer for a father, and an international freelance photographer for a mother, the Cetin family seemed picture perfect. Highschool sweethearts Emin and Aysun Çetin had just moved there the year prior to her birth from a small town on the outskirts of Ankara, Turkey. They brought with them the hopes and dreams of a better life for their impending family. When Emin scored a position at a top firm in Paris, they knew this was their destiny. Though they’d be leaving their families behind, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and they couldn’t turn that down. Neither believed it would lead them down the destructive path their families had warned them against. And for the most part, it didn’t.
Until it did.
Meliha, meaning beautiful, sweet and charming. Her middle name after her grandmother, Rüya, meaning dream. And Çetin, meaning iron, or strong. This seemed to resonate and reflect her heart and who she was. Nicknamed Mila by her parents and friends, she truly lived up to the meaning of her name. As a child, Mila loved learning, and almost always had her nose in a book ever since she could read. School was a breeze, and she thrived academically. She grew up fluent in both Turkish and French, and aced English class at school. Living in Paris was as exciting as it sounded — the food, the sights, the fashion, the culture. Although she lived in what she believed to be the prettiest city in the world, Mila also enjoyed their family trips back to Ankara. Though her father often found himself caught up in his work and began to join them less and less on their trips, she felt a profound sense of connection to her second home, her family and her culture, and always enjoyed travelling there.
Bir elin nesi var, iki elin sesi var.
It takes two hands to make a sound.
At eleven, her perfect little world fell to pieces. Arguments between her parents shifted into month-long silent treatments, awkward family dinners, (what felt like) absentee parents, and Mila feeling more alone than ever before. The tension was palpable, and she began to feel uncomfortable in her very own home. Her only solace were the worlds she immersed herself into whilst reading and the time she spent with friends. Then came the big D, and what a messy divorce it was. It all happened so suddenly, at least the way she remembered it. The way things shifted, and changed. The animosity felt, and the nagging, underlying feeling that she was at fault somehow. It felt like overnight that she had to say goodbye to her friends and her life in Paris.. and unbeknownst to her at the time, her father, as she moved back to Ankara with her mother.
Üzülme, bugünler de geçecek; zaman her şeyin ilacıdır.
Don’t worry, these days will be over, too; time is the best medicine.
Aysun asked nothing of Emin except to be involved in Mila’s life. And he was, for a few years. It began with face to face visits every now and again, which grew fewer and fewer of course. There were summers she’d spend in Paris with him through her teenage years, until he began to make less of an effort. Visits from him turned into phone calls each week… weekly turned into a once in a blue moon call, a gift on her birthday. And then it was letters. Unless she made any effort to get in contact with him, or made a conscious effort to go to Paris, her father was MIA. Meliha decided at the tender age of seventeen that she’d had enough of her father’s lack of wanting to be part of her life, and she refused to make an effort any longer. Besides, the few years prior to that had been torturous, watching him with his new family. The family Emin had moved on with almost right after he and her mother divorced; a wealthy, French socialite with children of her own. Over time, it was like he had forgotten and replaced her too. Like she was nothing more than a fragment of his past.
Anasina bak, kizini al.
Look at the mother before marrying the daughter.
Her mom’s freelance position required her to travel for work, and Mila would often tag along. At times, they lived abroad. More often than not, it was New York. When she wasn’t tagging along, she’d stay behind with her Babanne (grandmother). Being a freelance photographer meant that work would come and go, and they were often relying on the next paycheck. Their lives were rather nomadic, and for a girl who’d only ever known stability, it was a hard pill to swallow.
At twenty three, Meliha scored an entry level job at one of the top marketing agencies in Turkey. Being a natural hard worker, Mila placed all of her focus on her career, so much so that over time it began to affect her relationships and her personal life. In particular, her engagement to a man. They’d met in college, and some years later he’d come to propose. And she truly, genuinely believed he was “the one”.. In so many ways, he could have been. He was kind, hardworking; wanted to settle down and have a family, and showed all the signs of being a doting father.
But over the years, their relationship grew more and more akin to that of friendship, and she was beginning to realise that they wanted two different things out of life. She’d been holding off for so long on the parts of her that screamed about her desire to explore herself. To go on an adventure. Perhaps she’d just grown so accustomed to the idea of living that nomadic lifestyle that, settling in one place felt wrong. Flashes of her played through her mind for years on end, the butterflies that ignited within whenever she was around. A girl she’d met one summer in Paris, whilst visiting her father.. and she’d never been able to get her out of her mind. She’d also never been able to forget the voice within that told her that perhaps her sexuality knew no bounds; that she wasn’t attracted to just men. And it was these feelings she’d faltered to explore that left her wondering all her life.
Was it enough to settle with him when her heart wasn’t completely in it? If there was anything her mother had taught her, it was to well and truly follow her heart. “It’s really as simple as that, Mila,” her mother would say. “Don’t ever settle.”
Mila spent years pushing the wedding date back. Devoting all of her time to work was the excuse she’d give him and others, and even the lies she’d tell herself. Her career was the one thing she never doubted, after all, it gave her the stability she so desired. But there was always that gnawing feeling.. and the tragic death of a family member in Paris almost made her decision for her.
Ne ekersen, onu bicersin.
You harvest what you sow.
It’d been years since she’d returned to Paris. Thirteen to be exact. And what little she remembers of her aunt and her aunt’s restaurant remains in her childhood memories. Memories that would activate upon her move back to Paris, where scents and tastes would bring her right back. The many hours she’d immersed herself in completing homework on the garden rooftop after school. The nights she and her parents would enjoy dinners at the restaurant. All memories that both surprised her, in a positive way, and pained her at the very same time. Receiving the call that her aunt had passed hadn’t exactly been devastating for her, given they hadn’t exactly been close.. but it was saddening. The real shock came, however, when she received a call from her aunt’s lawyer - that she had inherited the restaurant. It left her dumbfounded, to say the least. What in the world was she going to do with a random restaurant in Paris?!
It almost felt like the universe had answered all of her questions. Though it counteracted every fibre of her being that had desired stability since her parents’ divorce, and also counteracted the fact that she did not want to run into her father or his new family... there was a part of her that felt a little hopeful, like maybe this change was exactly what she needed. Was she ready to return, even for a little while? Probably not. But it would allow her to escape the prison she felt she’d been stuck in for so long. Was she ready to face her demons? Certainly not. The thought of escape however, was all too tempting, despite the obstacles that lay in her path. Her intention was to move to Paris for a few months, set the restaurant up for sale, and move to New York with the money she’d make from the sale.
And so, in a matter of weeks, Mila pulled a Rachel and broke off her engagement, packed all of her things, and moved herself to the heart of France. A six month long leave from her job was enough to settle everything over in Paris, right? And knowing that her ex-fiance moved on quite quickly to another reaffirmed her thoughts and feelings, and squashed any doubts she had about the decision she’d made. This wasn’t just the right decision for herself, but for him, too. Besides, the fact that she had little to no feelings or regret or upset told her that.. This was the way it was supposed to be.
Ayağını yorganına göre uzat.
Stretch your arm no further than your sleeve will reach.
Just shy of thirty, Mila found herself back in the place that ignited pain, all with the intent of changing the course of her life. She wanted adventure?! Here it was. But whatever assumptions she’d had about changing the restaurant to be hip and cool enough for sale, certainly wasn’t the case upon her arrival. The staff at the restaurant grew to be cool and lacked any trust in her after her first few weeks there, knowing that the restaurant held little sentimental value to Mila. The changes she deemed to make threatened all that her aunt had spent a lifetime building. Her organisational skills feel threatening, as do her myriad of ideas.. after all, she knows how to market a location.
As an Aquarian, she appears as though she couldn’t care less, and claims she doesn’t “do” feelings. And in many ways, that’s probably true. But if you really got to know her, Mila’s the kind to cry during movies and is super clumsy and awkward when she’s in her own space. She spends most of her time admiring famous works of art across museums in Paris, enjoying croissants of a morning before work, window shopping ‘til her next paycheck, and knows how to work an instagram account. Now all that’s left to do is learn all about herself, all over again.. and sell the hell out of this restaurant. Little does she know that, over time, the attachments she’ll feel to the place will have her questioning every intention she has when it comes to living in Paris. Oh, and bracing herself for that inevitable run-in with her past, because that was certainly something she couldn’t escape.
trois — THEIR PERSONALITY
+ self-reliant, confident, innovative
- detached, stubborn, paradoxical (both cold & warm at heart)
