Hanji x f!reader
Drunk
Anime/Manga: Attack on titan
"Oh no." you say as you find Hanji drunk in the dining hall.
"OH NO." you say as Erwin returns to their table with another bottle of wine, clearly drunk.
"Oh no no no no no." you say as you see Levi laying on the floor, he definitely drank too much.
"Ooooh (y/n)! Come drink with uuus!" Hanji calls you over.
"I uhm."
"Somon geht me... to ma bed." Levi slurs, failing to stand up.
"I feel like a babysitter, God damn." you speak to yourself as you help Levi to stand up properly, one arm around your shoulder.
"Erwin, help me. Now." you command your boss, but you couldn't care less. While you're helping Levi reach his room, Hanji follows you and talks about every nonsense.
"No, Erwin, don't. Hah... whatever." you put the blanket over Levi and Erwin, who just collapsed onto the bed, and leave with Hanji.
"You know that Titan heads are light as a feather?"
"Yes Hanji, I do."
"And that Titans-"
"Okay, Hanji, I know all of your Titan facts. Every breakfast, every lunch and every dinner." you stop her, cause dunken Titan facts are too much for your brain right now.
"Aaaaaaaaaah, theeen... what would you do if the Titans would be gone. Like this, poof. Gone." Hanji asks as you've reached her room.
"Probably hide all alcohol so we can actually enjoy our freedom." you laugh, trying to get her into her bed.
"Nooo, I don't want sleep. Staying up." she complains like a child.
"Hanji, stop it. You need sleep now. If I let you walk around you'll get hurt, like always. You're a genius but once you're drunk you're- Stop chewing on your pillow."
"Stay with meeee (y/n), then I'll sleep."
"Okay." you give in, getting comfortable on her bed.
"(y/n), how do you think titans have sex?" Hanji asks once you lay down next to hear.
"I don't wanna know."
"But whyyyy? It's interesting. Do they hide their genitals or do they have other methods. Uuuuh what if titan babies are born threw their spit?!" Hanji sits up straight in bed, in total euphoria.
"Hanji, lay down and go to sleep. No more titans." you pull her back by her arm.
"(y/n)?"
"Go to sleep." losing your patience you're about to snap.
"What would you do if the Titans would be gone? And we wouldn't have to fight?" she repeats the question from earlier.
"I don't know, I've been a soldier ever since 15. I can't imagine a different life." you stare at the ceiling, the candle spending a bit light. "And you?"
"I wanna see the world outside. With all of you. No fights, just discovering everything. And find Levi a girlfriend, he seems so sexual frustrated." Hanji stares at her hands while talking, making her kast comment even more hilarious.
"Aren't we all?" you start laughing in which she joins in.
After the laughter dyed down Hanji rolls herself over and lays, face down, in your boobs. "This is heaven." and passes out, immediately snoring. "I like boobs."
"Me too, me too Hanji." patting her head before drifting off to sleep as well.
Hanji wakes up with a major headache, waking you up threw her groaning.
"My head." she complains, rolling around as she holds her head.
"Then go back to sleep." you yawn, still tired from the night, dragging drunken idiots around can be exhausting.
"(y/n)????? What are you doing here?" she gasps, sitting up a little too fast. "Argh my head."
"I'll get you a pill." you sigh, leaving the warm bed as you shuffle towards the bathroom.
Swallowing the pill with water made Hanjis headache endurable.
"Thanks (y/n)." she sets her glass down again as she hides under the blanket. "What, what did I do yesterday?"
"Oh just the usual, talking about titans, how much you love them, that you want levi go get a girlfriend, what you'd do if the walls disappeared, you know, the usual." you explain, feet playing with the blanket.
"Haha, that's good to hear." the stone falling off her chest was probably heard outside the walls as well, until...
"Oh and you said you liked me~" you joke, remembering her diving straight, or rather jot so straight, jn between your breasts.
"OH NO! I'm so sorry, I wanted to confess on a better way..." Hanji rolls around on the bed, clearly panicking.
"You just did." you burst into laughter, holding her wrist so she stops pulling her hair, and eventually going bold.
"Huh?"
"You didn't actually confess, you only layed, face down, on my boobs and said 'this is heaven'." you think about last night, chuckling as you watch her cheeks turn pink.
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing? Boobs are heaven. And you're always welcome in my heaven~" you whisper as you're slowly leaning in, placing a kiss on her cheek.
"I-I-I, yes." she nods, jumping into your arms.
"Sometimes I forget that you're older then me."
"You still love me, jokes on you." she mutters into your chest.
"Yeah I do, but if you don't go back to sleep I'll make Levi haunt you." you warn her with a sweet voice, patting her head.
"Good night (y/n)."
"Good night Hanji."
"(y/n)?"
"Mhm?"
"How do you think titans have sex?"
"..."
"I'll better run, bye. AAAAAAH!"