Aug 8
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seen from Russia
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Art par Hannah Murray The Sweet Spot, 2020
There, now, I find meaning and purpose. I get to be in the world, the real one. I am lucky. I survived. Air passes in and out of my lungs; sometimes there is blue sky. I drink cold coffee through a straw and feel a breeze brush against me. I choose to believe this reality is enough.
Hannah Murray, The Make-Believe
But there is magic in my life still. It was always there. That is how the story goes—you go on a journey, a quest, in search of something that was inside you all along. You just couldn’t see it until now. I still cannot always see it. I do not live at the pitch of miracles every day. But sometimes—sometimes often—my perspective shifts and I am gifted with a glimpse of infinite treasures.
Hannah Murray, The Make-Believe
I was terrible at conflict, particularly with my parents. When something made me really angry it was almost impossible for me to speak, let alone express the feelings directly. Instead I would freeze, shut down, repress and resent. I could bear grudges of a duration and intensity that may have established new world records.
Hannah Murray, The Make-Believe
It has been years since I went to see a healer. Since I set off down this terrifying path. Years of gradual, painful recovery. Two steps forward, one step back. Steps out of the make-believe into the brightness of reality—a brightness that is sometimes harsh and painful, but a brightness that reveals. I lost my mind. I lost myself. I got them back. But they are different.
Hannah Murray, The Make-Believe
Something I was very conscious of was just how vastly different it was possible for me to feel. I thought back to the really low times at the end of last year, and what a different experience of being in my mind and body that had been to how I was feeling right now. I was amazed by how completely different things could be, in ways beyond the obvious. In the physical, the inexplicable, in the taste in my mouth. In the sounds of my thoughts. In the quality of my movements.
Hannah Murray, The Make-Believe