yesterday was a preetty tiring day but pushed through it 💪💪
some really nice things happened through it tho:
my boyfriend passed on his exam #suuperproud 😊
i got my nails done (FINALLY! it’s been so long - and i was super anxious they will break 😅)
and last but not least, i was so glad by the end of the day my anxiety went away
Not getting enough sleep definitely messes up my mental health, but since the day before yesterday i have been feeling terribly anxious - for no reason, at all. Probably the 2/3 nights of horrible sleep contributed to it as well. The randomness is the worst part though- one moment you can be fine, and all of a sudden in the next you are just filled with worries. But yesterday this 'darkness’ just went away. Maybe the ‘reality check’ helped? 😀
i find it interesting, how even low hormone dosed medication can affect our feelings/mind. and it’s really hard to pull yourself together, especially if you are low on energy. and it truly feels like being able to breathe, when this gloominess passes. until then you are just opressed, trying to hold yourself together.
such a miserable position, because i want to be able to do things but this stupid feeling just makes everything a million times harder. and since i’m unable to do anything i cannot help just procastinate (usually with hanging on social media - which is another horrible thing to do, especially if you are feeling low) and this endless loop just eats you up, alongside with guilt, because since you haven’t done fuck all all day you can’t really be proud of yourself.
when in fact you can. sometimes surviving & not giving up is more than enough. life is hard. we are all humans. humans have feelings. feelings are damn fragile. and in order to not shatter those feelings - to not shatter ourselves - even more, that’s the best & most we can do. last year’s summer made me realise it.
so yesterday was a day like this, but i pushed through. and then i gave myself this ‘reality check’: basically that it all depends on how i want to see things, would i be rather this weak shell of myself, afraid of everything or if i would rather enjoy and embrace all the great things that happen to me daily.
i think there is no need to say which one i chose and luckily, since then i am so content i could run a buddha temple 😂 so that’s how things are as of now:)
hope you are having a great day too! see you in my next post 🖐
