Dear Sunflower

All that I am grateful for.

[dear-sunflower]

#124

Cuddling & caressing him after sex.

[dear-sunflower]

#89

For the first time in a month, finally tonight everything feels normal. 

[positivelypastelpink]

[dear-sunflower]

#57

the last couple of days were honestly a giant pile of mess, so i would rather not talk about them. 

even though this post won’t be too positive either, but (hopefully) it indicates a start of something good & definitely big so i though i would put it down here since writing is also a great therapy for me. 

i think the quote gave you a direction in which my post will head. it will be about self love. it is time for me to learn to accept & love myself. i can’t just wait for a miracle  up until this point i never really did, i had my good days but most of the time i just hated on myself. 

and it got to a point where it started to affect my relationship too. honestly i never thought much of it, i got so used to it i would blurt out sentences like ‘it doesn’t matter i’m shit at xyz’ or ‘i look so fat in that outfit’...

and i never thought about that it would affect/bring the mood of my partner down (it never hurt my ex at least, he seemed to let it go, but truthfully i don’t think he cared about me really either). so my current relationship is the first where my partner really does care about me, and honestly i think it’s the first time someone truly loves me. and he is not ‘afraid’ (not quite the right word) to show it. 

the thing is, my family is quite conservative, and i’m not sure if it’s a thing in every conservative family but we did not really talk/or showed off our feelings. i was just raise this way. to cover my problems, sweep them under the rug or to solve them however i can. and i don’t think my parents had the intention to raise me this way, i just turned out like this. i do have to admit, being a teacher’s daughter i was always taught to be smart & pretty (as in thin - which is a pretty toxic mindset to raise anybody in). 

and this wanting to be pretty & smart in EVERYTHING - even in things i do for the first time - really just went overboard now. looking back i can see what my boyfriend had to endure, and since he confessed me it hurts him so much (and i really don’t want to do that, since i love him the mostest) i recognised it is time for a change. but this time for real. i don’t know how or what to start with but it’s time to act.  

time for me to accept the fact that i am not the worst person on this planet, what’s more i am good. i am smart. i am quite pretty (as obnoxious as it sounds, i do need this kind of reassurance). and most importantly i do enough. i do my best and it is enough. 

now i should ‘just’ keep this in mind. 

[defineyourgrind]

[dear-sunflower]

#54

woke up today feeling pretty tired (the past few days i really haven’t slept well) so i tried to detox as much as possible/watch chill-positive vibe videos to get myself in a more comfortable headspace 

started my day off with drinking a cup of green tea 🍵

i usually don’t watch stuff like this but this video on youtube got me glued to my chair: i watched a guy reassemble a gameboy 🎮it was sooo soothing 😄

then i binged on ashley’s (bestdressed) videos - i wonder how i didn’t stumble upon her earlier, in love with her content  🎞

we also went shopping & got our first french press (as an ex barista it’s kinda weird it took me so long😅)

i got a lot of caressing today 🥰

[wander4love]

[dear-sunflower]

#49-#53

it’s been a roller-coaster of a week, let’s recap: 

on the 18th we turned 16 months 😍🥳

i was super glad because my valentines day gift also arrived & could give it to him 😊 (and he likes it a lot🤩) 

woke up in fresh bedding (it has such a magical-cozy feeling) 😌

on the 19th we went shopping & got some real cute sloth-y pj-s 👕

worked on my thesis a bit 📝

the 21st wasn’t my favourite tbh - lost my phone at uni: luckily we found it, had an argument with boyfie which was a very unfair lash-out on my part: but we talked through it   

my fave part was that i got to meet my brother 

could give my doggo his new toy - which he was super enthusiastic about  🐶🧸

& when i finally was able to go to bed 

today i finally started reading Roxanne Gay’s Hunger: i’m really looking forward to it even though i know it will be a pretty tough read, but as someone who struggles with bdd i’m hoping it’ll give me some understanding why i think of myself as i do right now & i might be able to see myself differently/appreciate my body more

i also got yo play with my doggo a whole bunch: he really loves his new toy, wanted to play with it the whole day 😄 

[dear-sunflower]

#47 #48

getting better finally 😊

sunday was just spent resting & organising a little 

reserved the accommodation in Prague 

ate a pizza as an evening snack (you know the feeling when you eat what you crave? it was so satisfying 🤤) 

yesterday i played gangbeasts with my friend (i just cant with that game 😆 so much harder than it seem :’D) 

went to do some shopping & since there was a sale i got myself some nice jeans & a big fluffy & supersoft jumper 

changed the bedding 

made my desk a bit more organised (it’s been time😅) 

[dear-sunflower]

#42 - #46

the flu took me over and i really did not have the energy for logging during the past week, but alas! i have regained some strength (& actual things happened, other than me lying in my bed & blowing my nose 😂🤧) 

honestly the best thing in the 11th-13th was that i survived them, without my nose falling off 😂 #whatanachievement 

we went to BP & ate some awesome food at Wasabi

playing Zelda basically all day (that game just sucked me in😍)

the thumb grips for the switch arrived, so now they have cute little pawpaws on them 🐾

on the 12th we also visited my parents & i got some awesome bday gifts 🙈 

we also bought the plane tickets to Prague ✈

on the 14th the highlight of the day was a huge nap we finally could take after uni 😴

today we visited a local festival, which was brought back this year: i love this event cause so many craftsmen gather & have the chance to show their products (which are so amazing most of the time😍) and we can support them at least a little 🤗

that’s how i could get my hands on a v cute froggy mug🐸, some hand made, healthy sweet snacks 🤤 & also i found Emily the llama here 😊 she is a beautiful, extreeemly soft furred little girl who is now the part of our little family 

we also met one of our friends & had an awesome time with her 😊

so now i’m feeling tired but recharged, i was really looking forward to this festival (mainly because of the sweets haha) but it was so nice to see other adorable, hand-made products & our friend of course 🥰

[dear-sunflower]

#39 #40 #41

Hey there lovelies! 🤗 

i was having a blast in the past 2-3 days & since i was out i haven’t had the time yet to recap the bestest moments, so here it goes: 

my birthday party makeup turned out reeeally pretty

we had a really nice time at the guesthouse, with lots of fun & jokes & some - unexpected - deep talking sesh as well 😌❤ (i’m soso lucky to have these amazing people in my life🥰) 

yesterday was basically spent with relaxing (needless to say we did not get much sleep the previous night 😅)

and today morning i woke up with a sore throat, so i have been resting...

... and playing with Zelda since my boyfie bought me the game, ,also the Graveyard keeper but that remains for tomorrow to try since i was so amazed by Zelda that I have been playing it the whole day 😅🎮

time to recover until Friday, as that will be the first day of the new semester for us!

[dear-sunflower]

#37 & #38

Enjoying the couple days of break remaining 😊

So in the last couple of days I....

tried out Paperbark (a really nice indie game, about a wombat & the Australian bush fire - I was so beautifully done but so heartbreaking at the same time😥)

read a LOT: during school time I often forget how different it feels to read books that YOU pick & are not mandatory. since i’m an arts major I indeed have to do a LOT of reading for the classes i’m taking and just simply don’t have the time to pick up books that i would be in the mood for. it’s sad because once something grabs my attention i just simply cannot put it down and to me this feeling is priceless. travelling between worlds so fast & smooth refreshes my soul so much. 

played two point hospital: and broke my record! :D 

got a very adorable teddy bear from my booboo as a pre- Vday gift 🥰🐻

was working out 

started to see result of the shred challenge: even though it has barely been a week i kid you not i can actually see already where my abs are supposed to be 😄 can’t wait to see the results of further progress 😊

got the top i want to wear on my bday party JUST in time 😅 and it fits so well + the whole outfit looks 🔥 can’t wait to wear it tomorrow! 

[dear-sunflower]

#36

Today’s little bits of joy 😊:

did day 3 of the shred challenge 🏋️‍♀️

tried out a new game called ‘The Bridge’ 🎮

watch boyfie stream 💞

progressed with Julie Andrew’s book 📖

practiced illustrating 🖌

[peeterparkr]

Y O U     C A N    D O    T H I S !

[dear-sunflower]

#35

The happiest bits of today: 

i did day 2 of the shred challenge 💪

my skirt arrived - and it’s really pretty 👗

got my nails done 💅

got a nice cup of coffee☕ 

spent some time with my parents & my doggo 👪🐶

did some therapeutic coloring 🖍

and right now i’m just watching a tv show wile talking it out with a friend 🎞

[dear-sunflower]

#34

Today was a really nice day, finally filled with some sunshine ☀😊

i ran 2 kms on the treadmill 🏃‍♀️

watched Miss Americana 🎞

had a nice cup of coffee ☕

had some ‘simi’ time with my bf 🥰

rearranged the clothes 👗

practiced drawing on my wacom 🖼

did a fun makeup look 🎨

made a delicious oatmeal 🤤

[dear-sunflower]

#33

happy palindrome day everyone! hope you enjoy(ed) it😊

today’s happy moments were:

i had a really nice morning 

started the 2 week shred challenge 

played with two point hospital

drank a delicious cup of coffee

then i had a breakdown...since tomorrow i’ll have to take up my classes i sat down to arrange my timetable and i had to come to the realisation i may not finish by the time i wanted to. and you don’t know what big of a deal it is for me. it’s like uni just doesn’t want to end for me. every time i think i come close to the end a while later something always comes up and life’s like: you though, jokes on you! and it stresses me the fuck out, cos i have been doing it for so long! getting that fucking degree is the only thing i feel like is ‘mandatory’ after that i could live to my heart’s content but for some reason i just cannot get there. even though i push myself so hard. 

but lucky for me i have a wonderful man💕 by my side, who can see clearer than my damaged brain and can bring me back to reality. because he’s right, i’m blowing it up. waayy more than i should be. i am comparing myself to people who do not mean shit to me. and honestly nothing bad can happen, even if i don’t finish by the time i estimated to. what’s more/ the most important is for me & my family to be healthy (both mentally & physically). 

so now i’m all gucci, apart from the fact that my head still hurts a little (but it’s probs because i didn’t eat 🙃) 

stay safe kids! no friggin education deserves to eat you up like this. self-care is/should be #1 ❤