Apr 20, 2020
Whoops all of you are nerds and I hope you're having a lovely night
#Wanted to have something positive so I don't upset people#easy to scroll past something nice like that rather than a single period like I normally do#People can recognize that as my venty sadness#but with this people can at least go oh that's nice and move on without worrying#which is stupid for me because I know a part of me makes these posts as a cry for help#but my wanting to not drag anyone down with me is more important so yeah#happy header#anyways I've been feeling the lonely feels again#and I just miss having a group of friends that was totally comfortable with me#sure yeah I have a few individuals here and there online that chat with me#that are even close friends#but I have no groups to be with#and I have this dumb thing in my brain telling me online friendships won't last#I just need people I can see irl#that I know I'll be ok with if I see them irl#people online move on a lot#and that's ok#but I'm afraid I'll lose everyone#i miss having a friend group like i did in highschool#inside jokes and weekly plans#knowing that they'd always be around#that I could be myself 100% around a group of people#people who I could invite to conventions and do movie nights with#the last time I felt like that with my old friends was my 18th birthday#and then college happened#and everyone drifted away#and my personality is being taken over by depression#and I know I must suck to be around now#I mean the more people get to know me the more I open up to then#and nobody wants to be around someone who is sad and needs reassurance so often almost constantly