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Lumpy’s Sneeze Torture

Lumpy awakened in an unfamiliar room. He tried to get up, but couldn't move an arm or leg.

"Oh, darn it! Not this again!" he immediately thought. "I wish I knew why I keep getting into these situations..."

He sighed to himself, tilting his head downwards and seeing just why he couldn't get up. It was because he was tied to a chair, with his arms being tied to his body and his feet being tied together. After a few minutes had gone by, he heard a couple of voices.

"They better be awake by now!"

"Be patient, sire. Maybe they're still passed out."

Lumpy raised an eyebrow as he looked around the room, trying to find where the voices were coming from.

"I haven't seen Kirby for a whole week now. Whoever we captured, I ain't never seen'em before, but they oughta gimme an answer!"

"Kirby? Who's Kirby?" Lumpy asked himself.

The voices started to get closer, causing Lumpy to feel more and more nervous. A few seconds later, two beings came into the room; one of them being a large penguin in a king's robe, and the other being an anthropomorphic snail. Neither of whom Lumpy could recognize.

"I understand you're evil and all, but you can't go around capturing everybody you find. It's just wrong!" the snail said.

"I don't give a dang about whether it's right or wrong," the penguin said, grabbing the snail. "All my cash says he knows everything about him, and I'm gonna make him prove it!"

"What makes you think he knows? For crying out loud, I don't think you've even seen him before!" the snail responded. "There's no way you could be right, King Dedede!"

"Then why don't ya beat it, ya stupid slug?!" King Dedede threw the snail behind his back, throwing him out of the room. "Sheesh."

With the snail out of his way, King Dedede finally entered the room and looked at Lumpy, who looked nervously at him in return.

"Um... hi," Lumpy greeted him, trying to be innocent. "My name's Lumpy."

"Hey there, bub! I'm King Dedede, glad you're awake!" Dedede responded. "I need ya to do me a favor right about now."

"What are you talking about?" Lumpy asked. "Oh, and one more thing. Why am I tied up?"

"Heh heh heh!" Dedede replied with his signature laugh. "Ain't it obvious, ya dumbskull? It's so you can do me a favor!"

"Well, what do you want from me?" Lumpy asked, fearing the worst.

"I need ya to tell me where Kirby is!"

Lumpy almost blushed in response. He didn't know anything about Kirby; in fact, he didn't even know anybody named Kirby. So Lumpy just admitted the truth, hoping King Dedede wouldn't hurt him.

"I, I don't know."

"Oh, really?" Dedede responded. "Well, I have ways of making you talk."

Lumpy's eyes widened when he heard his response. He was pretty sure what was going to happen; he was going to be tickle-tortured again. He had been so used to the idea, however, that he just braced himself for what was going to happen. Instead of torturing him immediately, however, King Dedede tried to think of a way to torture him.

"What am I gonna do to you..." Dedede said quietly, but audibly enough for Lumpy to hear.

"I really don't know who Kirby is, or where he is," Lumpy admitted, again.

Instead of speaking, King Dedede looked him in the eye and then poked the end of his nose with his forefinger. Lumpy winced, and then his snout twitched as his nostrils began to flare up. His nose was beginning to itch.

"Huh?" Dedede looked surprised for a moment. "What the...?"

Lumpy sniffled and twitched his nose. He really wanted to rub his itchy nose, but since he was tied up, he couldn't. He had to just let it itch.

"Ugh, you made my nose tickle," Lumpy said.

"I did?" Dedede asked. "You gotta be kidding me!"

"Ah... Aaaah..." Lumpy tilted his neck slightly back as his nostrils flared up. He was going to sneeze, but he didn't want to. He thought that if he did, he would embarrass himself in front of King Dedede. The sneeze was coming, however, so Lumpy decided that the best thing to do was to stifle it, and make it sound smaller than his normal sneeze. He took a final inhale as he pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth. "AaaaaAAAAH--"

"--choo!" Lumpy managed to stifle the sneeze, but it was quite painful. It would have been a bigger relief if it was one of his usual loud sneezes. Lumpy groaned and sniffled, wishing he could rub his nose on his forefinger.

"Heh heh heh heh heh!" King Dedede laughed from just hearing his sneeze. "Man, that was pathetic!"

"I'm sorry." Lumpy sniffled again. "My nose is really sensitive. Pretty much anything can make me sneeze."

"Anything?" Dedede asked. "Is that so?" An evil smile slowly grew on the King's face.

"Yeah. I just can't help it." Lumpy responded.

"That gives me an idea!"

Dedede reached behind his back and pulled out a bag. Just seeing him do that reminded Lumpy of one of the times he was tickle-tortured. The one torturing him - Sara - had brought a bag like this with her. But this was a different situation completely.

"Um, what's in the bag?" Lumpy asked, curiously.

"Just some stuff that I'm gonna use on ya." From the bag, Dedede pulled out a pepper shaker, a feather, a flower and a packet containing a gray substance - all of which made Lumpy cringe in fear. He almost immediately realized what was going to happen.

King Dedede was going to make him sneeze.

"Alright, let's start nice and easy." Dedede picked up the feather. "Is your nose ticklish?"

Lumpy didn't respond at first, but then looked away, blushed and responded. "Yes."

"That's what I thought. But let's see just how much..."

Dedede raised the feather to the end of Lumpy's nose, and began to wiggle it back and forth.

"Hee hee hee!" Rather than needing to sneeze, Lumpy giggled a few times and squirmed around a little. "Hee hee hee, stop that! Hee hee hee!"

"Nah, that ain't gonna do it for me," Dedede said, referring to Lumpy's giggles. They sounded cute and all, but he didn't intend to make him laugh. "I don't want you laughin', I want you sneezin'!"

Dedede moved the feather to Lumpy's nostrils and began to tickle them. Lumpy stopped giggling as his nose twitched, and his nostrils flared up again. They just couldn't handle that soft feather stroking them.

"Oh, no, not again..." Lumpy said as he knew he was going to sneeze again. His breath hitched. "Aaaah... Aaaaaaahhhh..."

"I, I th-think I'm... Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh... g-gonna... Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh..." Lumpy wanted to finish his sentence, but he didn't have the strength to do so.

"I know. And I'm gonna make ya." Dedede continued to tickle Lumpy's nostrils, watching them flare up and listening to his desperate inhales.

"AaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAH..." Lumpy tilted his neck back as he continued to inhale, getting close to releasing the sneeze. "AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHH..." He didn't want to hurt himself from stifling the sneeze, so he had to let it all out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Lumpy let out a loud sneeze as he shot his neck forwards, blowing the feather out of his face. He then recovered, tilting his neck back to its normal position and looking sadly at King Dedede.

"That's more like it!" Dedede said, responding to his sneeze. "Ya feel like telling me where Kirby is yet?"

"No, I'm not gonna tell you," Lumpy said. "I don't know anybody named Kirby."

In response, Dedede raised the feather back to Lumpy's nose, ready to tickle his nose again. But this time, he stuck it right into his nostril and began to wiggle it around, tickling the insides of Lumpy's nose.

Lumpy cringed in complete shock, and his eyes watered. His nose began to quiver, and his nostrils began to flare up, but the nostril that the feather was inside of flared the most. His breath hitched again as he began to inhale.

"Aaaaaaaaah... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh..." Lumpy tilted his neck slightly back as he prepared to release another sneeze. This was going to be a much bigger one than the one before it, but it took a little less time for it to build up. With a final dramatic gasp, Lumpy tilted his neck as far back as possible and then exploded with a much louder sneeze.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Lumpy shot his neck forwards with the sneeze again, but this time, his nose began to turn a faded pink. He hated when this happened; it actually made him think he was coming down with something.

"Ugh!" Lumpy sniffled several times, looking frustrated that he couldn't rub his ticklish nose.

"Good golly almighty, that is some sneeze you got there!" King Dedede said, and then laughed tauntingly at him again. "Heh heh heh heh! You poor sap, couldn't hold it in!"

"Please, stop making me sneeze," Lumpy begged with a sniffle. "I don't like this..."

"I'll tell ya what. If ya tell me where Kirby is, I'll let ya go," Dedede said.

"But I don't know," Lumpy admitted. "I've never met anybody named Kirby in my life."

As expected, King Dedede wasn't convinced. Putting down the feather, Dedede picked up the flower and held it in front of Lumpy's nose. Lumpy was looking nervous at his action; he was really allergic to flowers.

"Gimme a good sniff," Dedede commanded.

Instead of obeying him, however, Lumpy held his breath, trying not to inhale. Flowers and the pollen they contained were his worst allergies, so if he sniffed even once, he'd start sneezing again. He couldn't go too long without breathing, however, so after a few seconds had gone by, he gave in and sniffed. But with the flower right in front of his face, he was forced to smell the flower's sweet scent as well as its pollen.

"Aaaaaaah, aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh..." Lumpy inhaled as the pollen from the flower irritated his nostrils. The fragrance from the flower, however, seemed to tickle his nose more severely.

Dedede lost his patience and began to wiggle the flower right under Lumpy's nose. The urge to sneeze in Lumpy's poor nose grew stronger as the pollen scattered onto his nose and the petals tickled his nostrils. He personally would rather deal with the tickly petals than the allergy-causing pollen that made him need to sneeze so badly.

"AaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH--" Lumpy took a giant inhale, expecting a huge sneeze, but instead broke into an allergic sneezing fit of loud sneezes. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... AaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! AaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Aw, what's the matter? You allergic to this here flower?" King Dedede asked, taunting him.

By the time he was done sneezing, Lumpy's nose had turned a deeper shade of red. Lumpy sniffled several times, still disappointed that he couldn't rub his nose, even though he really wanted to. It didn't help that he wasn't feeling much better after sneezing so many times.

"Yes, I'm allergic," he said, continuing to sniffle. "Ugh, can you let me go now?"

"We ain't finished yet!" King Dedede said.

Putting down the flower, the King picked up the packet that contained the gray substance. Lumpy raised an eyebrow, not knowing what the substance was.

"What's in that little bag?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing too special," Dedede said. "Just some dust!"

Lumpy gasped in fear. Dust was another one of his allergies, although it wasn't as bad as his pollen allergy. "Dust?!"

"Yeah, dust. What, are you allergic to this, too?" Dedede asked.

Lumpy looked away and blushed. "Yes..."

Ignoring him, Dedede opened the packet, poured some of the dust into his hand, and blew the dust into Lumpy's face. Lumpy's nose immediately reacted as it twitched and his nostrils flared up.

"Aaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaahhhhhh... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh..." Lumpy tilted his neck back as he inhaled, surrendering to the sneeze that he was about to release. "AaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lumpy shot his neck forwards as he released the sneeze. He tried not to spray King Dedede, but a little bit of saliva landed on his robe, although he didn't seem to notice. Then Lumpy released another sneeze, his allergic nose not being satisfied yet. "AaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Lumpy shot his neck forwards again with the next sneeze, and then recovered, groaning and sniffling a few times. His poor nose had turned a bright red and was starting to drip with clear mucus. Lumpy just couldn't get over the fact that he wouldn't wipe his nose, since he was still tied to the chair.

"Ugh, I need a tissue," Lumpy said, sniffling constantly.

"Don't worry, bub, we'll be done soon," King Dedede reassured him, putting down the packet of dust and picking up the pepper shaker. "After you sneeze from this!"

Lumpy's eyes widened in shock and he gasped again. Pepper made him sneeze the hardest of all, even worse than both pollen and dust combined.

"No! Not that, anything but that!" he begged.

"Come on, Lumpy, you're a big guy! Toughen up a little, would ya?" Dedede responded.

Lumpy decided that the best thing to do was to call him out on his actions.

"King Dedede, you are the biggest jerk I have ever met!"

In response to his insult, King Dedede proceeded to shake pepper right into Lumpy's nostrils. Lumpy's eyes widened, his pupils shrunk until they could barely be seen, his snout froze for a second and his nostrils cringed. Just feeling the pepper enter his nose set it on fire. His nose and nostrils both twitched desperately as he inhaled to sneeze.

"Aaaaaaaaaah... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lumpy took some of the loudest pre-sneeze inhales Dedede had ever heard. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."

Dedede wanted to keep shaking pepper into Lumpy's nose, but decided to stop since he knew that he was going to sneeze. He looked on in amusement as Lumpy inhaled, getting ready to release a sneeze unlike any other.

"AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!!!"

Dedede backed up a few steps, rubbing his hands together in delight as Lumpy tilted his neck back as far as he could. His nose was twitching and his nostrils were flaring constantly. And then, he released the biggest, loudest and most long-lasting sneeze he had ever sneezed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

The entire castle shook for several seconds as Lumpy released the absolutely tremendous sneeze. It managed to fire every last grain of pepper from his nose, but it was so loud that everybody in the castle and the nearest village - if one existed nearby, which was actually true - could hear it. King Dedede even had to plug his ears to keep from hearing the sneeze, but it was no use. It was the biggest sneeze Lumpy had ever released in his life.

And while he was releasing the sneeze, he managed to free his arm from the ropes that he was tied with, but he didn't bother to use it. After almost half a minute had gone by, Lumpy recovered from the sneeze, but his entire nose was a bright red, and mucus was oozing out of his nostrils. He sniffled constantly and rubbed his nose with his forefinger for several minutes on end. King Dedede was completely shocked, but at the same time, quite impressed. He was about to say something, but he suddenly heard the door being thrown open.

Standing right at the doorway was a pink being with red shoes and blue eyes. The being took one look at Lumpy, who was still slightly tied to the chair, and his eyes immediately went wide with shock. He then looked over at King Dedede, his shocked expression turning into rage.

"Aw, shoot! It's Kirby!" Dedede said.

"That's Kirby?" Lumpy sniffled, continuing to rub his poor nose with his forefinger.

"All this time, you were still in Cappy Town?!" Dedede asked in anger. "Why didn't nobody tell me this before?!"

Kirby's mouth opened impossibly wide as he began to inhale and sucked up all of the air around him. He sucked King Dedede towards him, but to defend himself, he started shaking the pepper shaker in Kirby's direction. Not realizing what the black substance was, Kirby continued to inhale and allowed the pepper to make it into his mouth.

Lumpy tried his best not to sneeze from the pepper, since his nose was still recovering from that absolutely gigantic sneeze that he had released earlier. Surprisingly enough, he was successful enough that he didn't even start inhaling. After about five seconds had gone by, the shaker Dedede was using finally ran out of pepper, and he looked at it in confusion.

Kirby finished inhaling all of the pepper in the air and swallowed it all. At first, he didn't seem to mind the spicy taste of the pepper, but suddenly, his eyes widened again and his pupils shrunk until they could barely be seen. His face turned red and he started sweating as the unbearably hot flavor of the pepper assaulted not just his tongue, but his entire mouth.

"Huh?" King Dedede looked confused at Kirby's expression, but then he realized what was going to happen. Kirby was either going to sneeze, breathe fire or both. "Uh-oh."

"You feeling okay, little guy?" Lumpy asked.

Kirby tried to resist the pepper's effects, but he just couldn't help himself. The heat of the pepper, as well as the mere smell, was just too much for him to take. Shutting his eyes tightly, he tilted his head as far back as he could.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--!!!" A monstrous pre-sneeze gasp escaped from Kirby's mouth, and then he unleashed an absolutely huge sneeze without warning. "CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Kirby's sneeze caused a huge amount of red-hot, fiery flames to come pouring out of his mouth, right at King Dedede. Once all of the flames had made it out of Kirby, Dedede had been burned to a blackened crisp. The King fell backwards, twitching involuntarily with his speech reduced to gibberish. Kirby recovered from his sneeze and gained an almost sad-looking expression. Lumpy, still rubbing his nose, looked at him with a shocked expression on his face. That sneeze hadn't been as large as Lumpy's, but it was still pretty big for such a little guy.

"Oh, my gosh. Bless you," Lumpy said as Kirby put his hand to the area where his nose would be and rubbed it cutely.

Once Kirby had finished rubbing his nose, he removed his hand and shook his head quickly. He then ran over to Lumpy, who was still rubbing his nose. Kirby proceeded to untie the ropes from Lumpy's body.

"So... you're Kirby?" Lumpy asked. Kirby nodded in agreement as he continued untying Lumpy. Once he was finished, Lumpy stood up.

"You... You saved me..." Lumpy smiled happily, picked up Kirby and gave him a hug. "Thank you!"

Kirby returned the favor, and Lumpy put him back down on the floor. They started to walk out of the castle, while Lumpy continued to rub his nose. He was going to keep doing this for quite a while, thanks to Dedede making him sneeze so much earlier.

"Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" Lumpy asked, but Kirby didn't respond, since he couldn't speak a lot of coherent English. "Kirby?"

"Hmm?" Kirby asked as he turned towards Lumpy.

"Can you not speak English?" Lumpy asked, trying not to sound too rude. Kirby shook his head in denial, but Lumpy didn't mind. "Oh, it's okay. I was just wondering."

Once they had made it outside, Lumpy's nose started twitching again due to the amount of pollen in the air. He began to sneeze.

"Aaaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh..." Lumpy inhaled twice, tilting his neck backwards. Kirby grew scared, jumped up on Lumpy's shoulder and pressed his fingerless hand on his nostrils, which stopped the sneeze. Lumpy sighed in relief. "Thanks."

"Poyo." Kirby smiled, removing his hand and jumping off Lumpy's shoulder. However, just as Lumpy felt him jump off his shoulder, he exploded.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Lumpy released a loud sneeze, which was strong enough to blow Kirby backwards until he landed on the ground. He sat up, shaking his head in pain. Lumpy sniffled and rubbed his nose on his forefinger, and then looked down at Kirby.

"Sorry about that," Lumpy said, still rubbing his nose. "I'm allergic to pollen, but that wasn't so bad compared to the sneezes that jerk King Dedede made me let out. They were really loud, especially the one with pepper."

"Poyo," Kirby said, as if blessing Lumpy.

"I sure hope he doesn't make me sneeze like that again," Lumpy said, still rubbing his nose with another sniffle. "I never would have thought he could be so mean..."

"Poyo!" Kirby responded in agreement, as if to say, "I know, right?"