#hard fade

[entertainingdisaster]

The gentle fade?

New Man in Town texted me a couple days ago.  A screen shot of a song he likes, plus a message that he hoped I was having a great day.

I didn’t respond.  Now, in all fairness, the texts didn’t really request a response, but I could have said something.  Instead, I just didn’t respond at all.

After Mr. Hinge disappeared on me, I kind of vowed to never fade someone out again.  But when it’s only been one date?  Nah, the whole fading concept doesn’t exactly apply.

[entertainingdisaster]

Moving on . . .

Guys.  It’s done.  Well, not officially, in that we never actually had a talk about it.  But I’m done, and he appears to be done, so it’s done.

I’m a bit hurt-- really liked him.  Truly, genuinely liked him in a way I haven’t liked a guy in quite a long time.  But . . . I know, deep down, things just weren’t going to work.  I need to accept that.  I’m ready to accept that.

Moving on.

Now I need to decide . . . take a break, or dive back into dating?  It’s a fun hobby.  Not looking for anything serious right out of the shoot, but I would not mind going out on dates.  Can be fun.  Might ease back in with Hinge.  And make an actual effort to meet guys in real life.  (I know, I know, I always say that.)  And with much higher standards.

[entertainingdisaster]

The Hard Fade.

Guys.  It appears I am currently in the midst of a hard fade, aka ghosting.  After about seven weeks of dating, and everything that comes with it, he left my place Sunday morning, sent me one text about a college basketball game that was on tv Sunday afternoon, and has been silent ever since.

I caved last night and sent him a text.  No accusations, just a comment about snow, and asking him a question about his week.  Something at work he'd mentioned over the weekend.

And nothing.

I need to accept it.  This silence?  At this point, must mean he's done.  No use in overanalyzing every action of our last interactions.  (Seriously, though--wine and a movie Friday night, brunch Saturday, took him to a party with a bunch of my friends Saturday night . . . then *poof*!)  But I'm sad and hurt and feel disrespected--really, no actual conversation?  Just a disappearing act?  And I'm a bit upset with myself for falling so quickly and letting myself get attached and allowing myself to be so open and vulnerable with him (though let's be real--I should probably celebrate all those things; I let myself be open and vulnerable and become attached to someone!).

And maybe he isn't actually disappearing on me.  Maybe he'll reappear.  But at this point, everything I felt about him and thought I knew about him, and the comfort and trust I felt with him, has been tossed all around.

Guess it's done.

Glad I have a snow day to just hole myself up and work through this.

[Also.  Final note.  I don't want to let him get off the hook like this!  I'm almost tempted to call him tonight, though I don't expect he'll answer.  I want a conversation about this.  The hard-fade/ghosting/fading in general is too painful for me in this situation.  There is too much uncertainty.  And while I know I need to just move on, there's still this terrible bit of hope left in me.  Even though I know I shouldn't still want him.  Torture.]