I've seen so many videos and shit EVERYWHERE when i search for fear of love talk abt heartbreak. That's a different thing and i can't find someone to share my view so I'll simply say it incase anyone looks for it.
I hate love. Here i said it. Not the heartbreak even tho it's inevitable and you threw it upon yourself not the lover even tho I'll hate them by association but love itself. Being so dependent on someone for happiness? Being so fragile for if they simply leave you'll be insanely sad ? I used to fear it like actually be terrified of it way worse than now bc like. I can't fall in love I'm aroace plus if i did i could just push em away but honestly i found a vid and it said ' love is like a drug you want more of it bc of the dopamine ' or sm along this lines that's what i got out of it and a new fear came up. What if i can't hate it? I can hate everything if i wanted to even my own mother but what if it doesn't go along the plan? What if i can't push them away until it's over what if I can't fucking say no to love ? I'm sure i have enough willpower to do so but still. And that's not even all of it bc ' oh why do you hate love so mu-' I'll lose myself. I fear i will. Why ? Bc you are willing to change for a lover they will change you and it's sm you can't undo for better or for worse. They'll leave too bc nothing is eternal and y'all need to know. Heartbreak is inevitable and i won't risk it for happiness FROM FUCKING DEPENDENCY. You make YOUR LIFE revolve around another person's views on you their schedule. You isolate from friends bc apparently love is oh so far more important. Apparently. You devote your entire self for someone you can never really know is being genuine. You are supposed to blindly trust them going in a relationship or even marriage and even bringing up precautions incase of a break up gets you a side eye bc this is love and you should never question it. You are supposed to take their word for it even if someone you knew longer and lived through much more warns you against sm . Why ? Oh just love. That's it nothing else just love. It traps you in a bubble that feels good but is suffocating and when you go out to fucking freedom it feels empty bc you were used to that bubble. Even the phrase fall in love doesn't sit right with me like wdym fall in ? Is this a trap bc ik it is. Watching love is like being the immune one in the apocalypse and watching everyone fall to an overidealised plague without realising it's dangers and being the only one to see it , the only one that fears it, that the thing called love instead of scaring ppl has them seek for it thinking they can't leave a good life without it making the so desperate and needy of it that even suggesting enjoying a life without it has ppl say ' you'll find the right person eventually ' NO I DON'T WANT TO FIND THE RIGHT PERSON. IF THE ' RIGHT PERSON ' EXISTS I'LL AVOID THEM LIKE DEATH.
In the end . Fuck love it's scary and the idea of falling for it's tricks and being in love and liking it instead of hating it doesn't make it any less
