hi hello. i've been working on this track for like four months. yes most of that time was procrastination. Alas
it is finished now, visualiser's up, and i would very much appreciate it if you listened
it's an . Odd composition with little style switches inspired by some of frums' stuff and is part of my (hopefully) upcoming Proper debut album
anyways if you do give a listen then Cheers also suggestion try not to just listen to the first like thirty seconds and decide that it's not for you because it does Change
Marinette took in the silence, trying to ignore the crippling fear that threatened to choke her. It was as if she was stuck in a small, enclosed box, rather than the apartment's dining room, trying to open up to her parents. She had faced monsters double her size, jumped into the mouth of a dinosaur, and yet this was the most frightening thing of them all, waiting for her parents to respond, finally seeing behind her carefully crafted front.
It was her mother, ever patient and loving, that broke the silence first. “For how long has this been going on?” Sabine asked, and Marinette could tell that she was trying to be encouraging, placing her hand on top of Marinette’s, smile gentle and motherly, despite her tense shoulders and edge to her voice.
Marinette swallowed, her tongue heavy like lead. Regret tried to claw its way up her throat, tried to make her laugh and brush it all off, white noise ringing in her ears.
“…A couple of months.” The words left her quietly, and she slumped with no strength to look at her parents.
In a short, almost non-existent moment, the world stilled.
Months had passed of Marinette feeling alienated and ostracized, of her feeling completely alone and like she couldn’t go to her parents to talk about her problems.
And almost as soon as the world had stopped, it had started again, as Tom stood from his chair and enveloped his little girl in a tight hug, lifting her from her seat. Marinette wondered if it was to comfort her or himself.
“You won’t stay there,” Sabine said, as soon as Tom had let go of Marinette and sat back down. “We’ll find you a new school and you won’t ever have to step into that place again.” Marinette’s eyes locked with her mother’s, and all she could see was burning determination, the same determination as Marinette would have burning in her eyes as she fought against an akuma.
It was like the weight that had been pressing down on her chest had finally been lifted, leaving her with calming numbness that was reminded of every time she took a deep breath in. Her steps were light as she walked to school next week,
It was like the weight that had been pressing down on Marinette’s chest, making it hard for her to breathe whenever she was with her parents, had been lifted, leaving her with a calming numbness that she was reminded of every time she took a deep breath in. Her steps were light as she returned to school the next week, and for once Marinette looked at the situation from an outside perspective and forgave herself for everything that she couldn’t do, because she had done what she could.
Still, there was something Marinette felt that she needed to do.
Her eyes hopped from classmate to classmate, until they landed on her, well, former friends. Alya was looking at her phone under the desk, with Mme. Bustier none the wiser to the girl, and Nino was trying (and failing) to understand what Mme. Bustier was saying. Marinette bit her lip, forcing her eyes down onto her tablet.
She would have to pick some new holders. Marinette knew that the distrust she now held towards them would be detrimental in a battle, and with their belief in what Lila says to be as strong as it is, Marinette wasn’t sure if they wouldn’t end up saying something they shouldn’t, especially with Lila’s penchant for becoming akumatized.
It was a conversation that Marinette would have to have with Master Fu later, but for now, she would settle for watching the lives of the people around her pass her by.
-------
There was always a sense of calm and peace that entered Marinette whenever she would go to Master Fu’s sanctuary. She supposed that it made sense, but the cup of green tea nestled in her hands might have helped with that too.
“So, what is it you wish to discuss with me?” Master Fu asked.
Marinette hesitated. She could never quite read what Master Fu was thinking, and now, when all she wanted was his approval, the fear that he might disagree with her choice hung heavy on her shoulders.
“Master Fu, what- what would you do if people were being used, and you warn them about it, but they won’t listen to you? If they turn against you and hurt you, because they think you’re wrong.” Marinette asked. “…would you stay and continue trying to help them, or would you remove yourself from the situation?”
Master Fu hummed in thought, Wayzz looking worriedly between his holder and Marinette.
“Selflessness versus selfishness. In an ideal world, the choice of being selfless would be best, but…” Master Fu looked at Marinette, her tense posture, her fiddling with her teacup. “It can burn you out, and if you hold a great responsibility, that could be dangerous. We are not meant to only think about others, but ourselves too.”
Marinette let out a sigh, visibly relaxing, and took a sip of her tea.
“May I ask what brought on the question?” Master Fu looked at her patiently as she started to fiddle with her cup once more.
“I’m transferring to a new school… or that’s the goal at least.” Marinette looked down at her tea, seeing her reflection mirrored back at her. “Things haven’t really been going well and I… I’m just really unhappy, and frustrated and-” She let out an agitated sigh. “I was almost akumatized, and I don’t want to risk it by being at a place with people that make me feel miserable.”
Master Fu and Wayzz shared a worried glance at the girl’s explanation. She was right, the risk of her becoming akumatized was not worth it in the situation.
“Then I believe you have made the right decision on the matter.” Master Fu said.
“Surely you aren’t alone.” Wayzz said, and Marinette knew that he was thinking about Nino.
“I’m not entirely sure…” She admitted. “There’s someone in my class who’s… aware of what’s happening, but I don’t think he knows the full extent of it.”
“Have you talked to him about it?” Master Fu asked.
“He believes that we shouldn’t do anything, let the situation solve itself but… it’s been months and it’s only getting worse.” Master Fu nodded in understanding.
“That brings another issue though.” Marinette said, her eyes narrowed, calculating. “Rena Rouge and Carapace, I don’t think I can trust them in battle again.”
Master Fu hummed.
“I trust your decision, and if you believe that Rena Rouge and Carapace are unfit or untrustworthy, then we must find others to wield the Miraculous when the situation arises.”
Wayzz looked saddened by the information, and Marinette felt a little bad about it, but she knew that she couldn’t fight beside Alya and Nino again.
“Would it be possible for us to meditate more regularly as well?” Marinette asked. “I don’t know how long it will take for me to find a new school to attend, and while I’m calmer about the situation now, I’d like to have a few techniques, just in case…”
“Of course.” Master Fu said. “That would probably be for the best. Come by every Wednesday and we can work on your meditation.”
After that, the invisible weight Marinette had been carrying felt a little lighter, if not just slightly.
-----------
When Marinette came home, she looked at her room in thought. The place was filled with memories, pictures of her and Alya, the class, Kitty Section. So many, and in all of them Marinette looked to be smiling. Now the pictures left a bitter taste in her mouth.
Exhaling, she walked up to one of her walls and started taking down the pictures, one by one, all over her room. Nothing was spared, no note or scrap of paper that even slightly reminded her of why she was so sad to begin with.
Once her walls were cleared, she changed her wallpaper on her computer. When she was completely done, there was nothing to remind her of her classmates, nothing but the memories within the walls. It felt nice.
Opening a drawer, Marinette took out a notebook that she had yet to use and a pen. She climbed up and out onto her balcony, taking a deep breath as the wind caressed her features. Tikki followed her holder quietly, giving Marinette some space.
Marinette sat down on her chair and looked out at the city as the sun was setting. Paris truly was quite a sight. She opened her notebook, the pen hovering over the pages for a moment, and after a shaky exhale, Marinette finally put pen to paper.
Word after word, Marinette started to feel lighter, addressing every single classmate, some letters only being half a page, and others, Marinette felt, went on page, after page, after page.
By the end of it, almost all of the notebook was full, and the sun had completely set.
“Do you think I made the right choice, Tikki?” Marinette’s voice cut through the quiet.
“I think you deserve as much happiness as everyone else Marinette, and if you have to change schools for that, then I think that’s the best decision you could make.” Tikki replied.
“Thank you, Tikki.” Marinette kissed her Kwami’s cheek before climbing back inside her room.
She still had so much to do before she could leave.
hi! i’m new here and i absolutely love Me, Just Me and Of Birds and Bugs! have you wrote anything else? love your writing so much!!
I’ve written two other fanfics before I started working on Me, Just Me and Of Birds and Bugs, both of which being for Voltron, for the ship kinkat. I hope to write more oneshots and headcanons, as well as more multi-chapter stories in the future.
you’re the last
of your kind
raw soul
screaming
into your
vaguely
empty life
you’re trying
so hard
to fill up.
don’t give up.
the world
forgot
what it means
to feel things
and it’s all
people
like we
can do
to fill
it back up.
i hear you
and
it’s important
sing
your
song.
- mjm
