Natasha felt as though she was swimming through a misty darkness, clawing for the surface, coming up short each time. She could hear the steady beeping of a machine, ECG her groggy mind supplied the detail, but slowly, too slowly. It sounded as though it was in the distance, somewhere far, far away. She felt as though she should keep trying to break free of the darkness, but she was tired. So damn tired. It would be easier to float in the darkness, to just let it cloak her in its warmth and drag her down.
That voice. Familiar. Far away still, too far to really grasp at, just another cloudy memory.
Her mind supplied detail again just as she felt something a touch of a calloused thumb across her knuckles, the gesture achingly familiar. Clint. He was there with her. He was there and she was trapped in the darkness and she didn’t want to be anymore. She needed to get back to him.
She felt his fingers move against the palm of her hand. Two controlled strokes. Forgive. Signed please. Signed sorry. She wanted to scream that it wasn’t his fault that there was nothing he could have done that he couldn’t have stopped what had happened. It was a risk of their job. It always had been.
She vaguely heard the scraping of a chair beside the bed, heard him slump down. Slowly she sucked in a deeper breath, bright, hot, sharp pain sparking along her side as she did, and she forced her eyes open, blinking against the sudden light.
There he was. Waiting, head bowed, face in his hands, looking utterly broken, defeated. Natasha turned her head to look at him, carefully, painfully reached out, the tips of her fingers just brushing against his forehead. His head snapped up and his eyes met hers.
Carefully she raised her hand, choosing to sign to him rather than speak. This was between them, the signing something that he had taught her, that to her felt like something that strengthened their bond. “Idiot.” She offered him a small smile to go with the word, the expression tugging at her split lip. “Not your fault.” The words were clumsy, one of her hands hampered by the IV line that ran into it. There was no way that she could let him blame himself, he had had no choice in the matter. She had been sent out on a solo mission.
She swallowed, shifting painfully, carefully, forcing herself to move across the bed, pressing to one side, ignoring Clint telling her to stop, making her battered body obey her, gritting her teeth as she almost blacked out. She looked at Clint. “Come here.” She signed, lightly touching the space beside her, waiting as he shifted up beside her, so careful, her hawk. His warm, solid presence beside her was comforting. She would survive, she knew that. She would heal soon enough. For now, more important to her was Clint. Was making sure that he was okay. Making sure he knew that they were okay.
"You’re an idiot." She murmured, voice gentle, reaching out to trace the line of his jaw fingers sliding up to card through his hair. "You’re an idiot because there isn’t a damn thing that you could have done."
“‘Tasha…” His voice was a soft, achingly familiar rumble by her ear and she turned her head to look at him, face to face, tilting her head so their foreheads touched.
"Just…just lie with me…please?" She asked quietly. There were so few she could let her guard down around this much, be this vulnerable in front of. He was so much to her. She reached out, ignoring the way the IV tugged at the back of her hand, taking his hand, feeling the familiar latent strength there, lacing her fingers through his, holding on.
Exhaustion flooded through her like a wave and she closed her eyes. There were no need for words at that moment, just the physical contact that she hoped would give him the solace and the absolution that he craved.