i'm going to dump my deadlock HCs on here too shamelessly, focusing on Pocket specifically this time
(plus a bit of pocketknife? does it even count??? idk??????)
warning:
contains descriptions of genderqueer experiences, including body dysphoria
heavily based on my personal view as nonbinary trans myself, but that does not mean ALL nonbinary people feel/think the same way as I do
+ please note that deadlock is still in development, many of these might change when further information gets released
1.
pocket is androphilia. they always have been. they do have a thing for handsome men. especially those who are at least 5 years older than them.
(* 'homosexual' is not a very good word to describe nb person's attraction)
however, they haven't been in any long-lasting relationship.
growing up as the eldest heir of fairfax, every social interaction was to be controlled, measured and judged, leaving them with no options they could choose on their own.
there was a fiance too, whom they met only once or twice in person.
…and we all know how things ended up.
It mightn't have been the same if they had disobeyed, but they were not that type of person either.
trying to figure out one's needs was hard for them. kind of threatening, even. hiding was easier. giving up early was much, much easier. they belived that locking themself in normativity was better for all.
rather than deviating from fairfax's path, they followed what others told them to do.
2.
yet after they were shot, it took quite a time.
they couldn't shake off the thoughts of becoming their father's "eldest, obedient, fairfax-like son."
then one day, just a normal day with no special news, they came to realize.
eldest, obedient, Fairfax-like son.
they could never be the half of it.
but they are trying. slowly but steadily.
admitting is not equal to getting used to.
they still feel awkward when reaching out for what they want. It's hard. now low self-esteem and life safety issues combined together, it really is.
3.
pocket feels insecure about their height, because people often(and easily) misgender them just for being too tall.
(* pocket is one of the tallest among human characters in deadlock)
but none of these worked on their height. instead, they were left with a thin frame. (they're not sure if this is a good thing or not.)
they have been on the taller side ever since childhood.
they tried what they could do to 'not grow up too much', like staying up late, eating less.
well below it's pocketknife time folks
4.
pocket is even taller than shiv according to their current 3d models.
so if pocketknife is doing some kind of classic-height-difference thing, it means that pocket is bending their knees or shiv is standing on a box –
– …like this. (* i'm joking)
and shiv does NOT give a single fuck about pocket being taller than him.
it makes pocket feel relieved somehow.
despite being shorter, shiv still can lift pocket so easily.
...it gives pocket some very certain kind of imagination.
