✨ YMO Holiday Special ✨
FULL ART (coming soon!!!) by @scarletfish8eta
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A/N: This special takes place after the events in Our Move, but outside of that canon. Basically it's an AU special of the YMO AU. Grab yourself a nice warm drink, or your favourite booze, sit back, relax and enjoy these holiday-themed shenanigans featuring a surprise guest-appearance and honourable mentions of Stab's Weeks/Months characters.
CW: so many xmas puns/jokes/references, jingle bells, nice!Fetch, threats of violence, murder threats, vehicular manslaughter mention, GID, tied up, tape gagged, humiliation I suppose, implied SA mention,
The weather outside was frightful—— It was raining, with the occasional flash of lightning. It was colder than usual too and Erick was keeping warm by scrubbing the kitchen from top to bottom.
He'd already done the bathroom, Fetch's bedroom, the living room, the hallway and the pantry. He'd been scrubbing all day, his knees and back were aching, his hands raw from all the water and chemicals, but after he'd scrubbed the grout between the floor tiles in the kitchen with a toothbrush he'd be finished for today.
He was almost done, sitting in front of the door opening and scrubbing between the tiles in front of the washing machine, which was working on the last ten minutes of a cycle, making a lot of noise.
He didn't hear the front door open as Fetch returned, shaking out his wet hair before pulling it back with his hand. A plastic bag and his raincoat dripped onto the carpet as he crossed the living room into the hallway. Erick quickly shuffled aside when he noticed him, so Fetch could step right past him and drop the wet bag onto the table.
"I-I just cleaned that," Erick said quietly.
"Then clean it again after you're done there," Fetch said, shrugging off his raincoat, dripping more over the clean floor. Erick sighed, but returned to scrubbing the grout while Fetch began making coffee.
"Did I tell you about the job this Friday?" he asked.
"Um...no?"
Erick paused his scrubbing again and looked up at Fetch.
"Some low-tier mobster is throwing a Christmas party and Tito wants us to use the opportunity to sneak in and find some important files for him," Fetch said.
"Why doesn't he send Jonas?" Erick rolled his eyes, "He can sneak in as a waiter."
Fetch chuckled, "You know he finds himself too important to pretend to be a waiter."
"Yeah, true." Erick agreed, "So how are we sneaking in?"
"It's a Christmas party." Fetch emphasised, "What better way to sneak in than to dress up as Santa?"
He opened the wet bag and pulled out the classic red costume, before pulling out something green as well and tossing it at Erick.
"And you can try that on for size." he said, "You can be Santa's lil helper."
Erick made sure not to drop the outfit in the bleach he was using for the grout, before taking a better look at it. He pulled a hat from the pile of green, with a red trim and a little bell at the end.
"...I'm not dressing up as an elf," Erick said.
"You have to." Fetch claimed, "It's a two-man job and you can't sneak in without a costume. We can't show up as two Santas either, or a tiny Santa and a giant elf—Now go try it on, I want to make sure I grabbed you the right size."
"Is it really a two-man job, or is it just an elaborate scheme to make fun of me?" Erick asked.
"Try on the outfit or I'll make you drink that bleach," Fetch threatened.
Erick got up, but did roll his eyes and sigh in the process before locking himself in the bathroom to try on the costume. It fit perfectly, but it looked even more ridiculous than he had imagined.
He didn't think an ugly shade of green existed until he dressed himself in this, the red trims here and there only making it worse. Not to mention the bells. There were little bells on the outfit everywhere; on the hat, at the end of his sleeves, and on the tips of the stupid pointy shoes.
He didn't even have decent pants; they were green tights. There was even a set of plastic, pointy ears that he could put on his own ears, but it definitely didn't make the look any better.
An impatient knock sounded on the door.
"How's it going? Does it fit?" Fetch asked.
"I hate it!" Erick stated, "I look like Kermit on crack!"
"Step out and let me see."
Erick reluctantly moved over to the door, cringing at every step as the bells on his outfit jingled, and unlocked the door. Fetch opened it and a bright flash briefly blinded the teen as he took a goddamn picture.
"What the— You did not just take a picture!"
"Lavender's gonna love this," Fetch said, snapping another picture. Erick tore the hat off and threw it at Fetch. He simply deflected the attack and put his phone away after sending the picture.
"Fetch!"
"Watch your tone, kid," Fetch said, "I really need you on this job, either as a distraction or doing the stealing part. Depends on how things look inside. If there's kids I better do the distracting part, as Santa."
"Jesus— Fine. But I'll complain about it." Erick huffed, "And no more pictures! Delete them!"
"Alright, alright, let me just send one to Jaime—"
"No!"
With great reluctance on Erick's part, they got to planning. Tito had given Fetch a series of numbers, which somehow corresponded to the files he wanted. It made sense that Fetch insisted Erick joined him on the job, he just had a bit of a better knack for numbers after all. It was the only thing Fetch ever admitted the teen was better at than him. He even repeated the statement to keep him on board with the plan, as he was still not enthusiastic about the whole dressing up part. He also needed the teen to drive, since his van would draw too much attention and, frankly, Erick's car was faster.
Come Friday, Erick reluctantly put on the elf costume again, peeking outside the bathroom door first to make sure Fetch wasn't waiting to take another picture before stepping outside.
At that moment, Fetch stepped out of his bedroom in the Santa suit. He almost looked like a different person, trying to fix the white beard in place.
"Well?" he said, "Don't we completely look the part?"
"Unfortunately..." Erick replied.
"Come on, have some Christmas spirit or whatever." Fetch said, "We need to be convincing."
"Looking the part isn't enough? We gotta act like it too?" Erick whined.
"Nobody likes a frowny elf." Fetch scolded.
"People don't tend to be very fond of a murderous Santa either." Erick pointed out.
"I can be very jolly when I need to." Fetch said, "You know adaptability is my game."
"I don't see it." Erick deadpanned. Fetch rolled his eyes.
"Listen to this then." he said, clearing his throat before bellowing loudly, "HO HO HO!"
Erick didn't seem very convinced yet, quite the opposite actually.
"I think I finally know what Jaime means when she calls something cursed."
"Watch the attitude, Kermit." Fetch warned, "Now let's go. We wanna arrive just when everyone's drunk enough."
Erick reluctantly followed Fetch outside. Thankfully it wasn't raining anymore and unfortunately it was warm enough that they didn't need coats. Fetch was even a little overdressed, pulling the fake beard down already.
"They should really start marketing a summer Santa for warmer climates." he said.
"Don't tell me you do this more often." Erick said.
"Every year when Jaime was little." Fetch said, "What's so wrong with that?"
"Lucy would call it cringe."
"How many women are you talking to?" Fetch asked, surprised.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
"Hey—"
"Aww! Look at you both!"
They both froze like a deer in the headlights as a bright flash blinded them both before they recognised Ethel's chuckle as she lowered her camera.
"Don't look so surprised, dears. Give me a smile!"
"No—"
"Humour her." Fetch said, pulling his beard back up and putting an arm around Erick, painfully squeezing his shoulder in warning. Erick forced a smile as Ethel took another picture.
"That one's going on the mantle." she said, "Now you two go and enjoy your party."
"Thanks Ethel." Fetch said, nudging Erick towards the car. After they'd gotten in and Ethel had gone back inside, Erick dared to speak up again.
"What did you tell her?"
"That we are volunteering as Santa at a charity event." Fetch said, "Try to put on a better smile when we get there, or they'll never let us in uninvited."
"I better get a cut for all this." Erick said as he started the engine and backed out of the driveway.
"We'll see about that."
Erick sighed. Fetch just had to have the last word as usual. He didn't argue it, he had to focus on the road.
Fetch navigated them to the right address and they arrived just at the height of the party. The gate surrounding the property was open so Erick pulled up on the driveway. The door was also open, but there was a security guard, eyeing both outside and inside the manor.
"Okay. Time to smooth-talk our way in." Fetch said, "Remember to smile. And put on your hat."
"How much is my cut?" Erick asked, grabbing the hat which he had tossed in the back before driving.
"Zero if you keep whining." Fetch said. "Minus a kidney if you ruin this for me."
"Let's spread some Christmas cheer." Erick said, forcing a smile. Fetch nodded, fixing his beard in place and getting out. Erick followed, locking the car and joining Fetch by the door as the security guard stopped them.
"We didn't hire Santa as entertainment..." he said.
"It's supposed to be a surprise." Fetch said, "Right, little helper?"
Erick pulled out his phone, pulling up a document he emailed himself earlier that day.
"Yeah it says right here on the bill." he said, holding it up to show the guard, but he raised his hand and stepped aside.
"What the hell. What's the harm?" he said, "Just don't cause trouble, have a drink for me."
"Merry Christmas~" Fetch said, nudging Erick before heading inside. Erick smiled politely and followed Fetch, who was already ho ho ho-ing as he entered the party. Everyone was tipsy and they loved it, wanting to take pictures with either or both or them.
By the time Erick had the chance to excuse himself to use the toilet, Fetch had two women on his lap and having their picture taken. He didn't need to see that. He walked back to the entrance hall. The bathrooms were indicated to be right across, but he needed to go up the stairs.
He glanced at the security guard, but he was distracted with a drunk guest, slurring loudly at him, so he didn't hear the stupid fucking bells on Erick's outfit as he hurried up the stairs.
Once he was sure he was alone, he pulled the note with file numbers from his sleeve, before sneaking across the second floor to look for the office where the files were kept.
When he thought he found the door, he tried it, but it was locked. He sighed, cursing his costume for not having decent pockets. Now he had to lift his shirt-tunic-whatever to grab a lock-picking kit from the waistband of his tights.
"If Fetch doesn't give me a cut I'll talk to Mr Rana myself." he grumbled quietly to no one in particular as he fiddled with the pins.
Surely Tito would agree with him? He was the one doing all the work, running the risk of getting caught, while Fetch was own at the party flirting with women.
Erick shook his head, getting rid of the mental image and focusing back on the lock until it clicked satisfyingly. He put the pins back in the kit and got up as he opened the door, looking around to make sure he was alone before heading inside.
He put the kit on the desk and found the filing cabinet. Fortunately that wasn't locked, so he pulled a small flashlight from his sleeve and began looking for the files on his list.
"These guys are taking organised crime way too seriously." he sighed, only finding one of the seven files in the first drawer. He plucked it out and began searching the rest, clamping the found files under his arm.
After he found the third file, the lights suddenly flicked on and he froze, glancing up to see two men in the door opening, which he hadn't even heard being opened. One of them was wearing a shirt with a dabbing Santa, the other a shirt with a printed-on necktie.
"What do we have here, Juàn?" the first man said, smirking a bit.
"You've heard of elf on the shelf, looks like we got a thief up to mischief." Juàn answered, snickering at his own joke.
"Wow." Erick said sarcastically, "That was terrible."
"Shut up, you! Drop those files!" the first one said, pulling out a gun while closing the door behind them.
"Are you sure?" Erick said, "If I drop them the papers are just gonna fly everywhere."
"I think we need to teach Jingle Bells some manners, Dominic." Juàn said.
Erick rolled his eyes, holding up the files and putting them on the edge of the desk.
"For the record, the costume was not my idea."
"Grab him, Juàn." Dominic ordered, "We'll deal with him before telling Santa his lil helper made the naughty list.
"Okay you gotta stop with the stupid Christmas puns." Erick said.
But the lackeys ignored him as Juàn grabbed his wrists and twisted them on his back. The bells on his costume jingled infuriatingly as he struggled against the man's grip, but Juàn just shoved him harshly against the archive drawers, loosening his own belt so he could wrap it around Erick's wrists.
Then he turned him around and shoved him against the drawers again, pinning him in place with one arm over his throat. Erick hissed as he managed to hit his funny bone right on top of one of the handles, but other than that he could only glare at the two lackeys for now.
"Now what, Dom?" Juàn asked.
"Gag him with something. We don't need him causing a ruckus. Boss wouldn't want the party to be disturbed." Dominic said.
"You hold him then." Juàn said, shoving the teen towards his partner. Dominic caught him by the front of his shirt, pressing his gun against his chin.
"While we wait, why don't you be a good lil elf and tell us who you work for?" he said.
"Um, duh." Erick said, turning his head away from the gun a bit, "I work for Santa, obviously."
"The one downstairs at the party?" Dominic asked.
"No. The one in the North Pole." Erick deadpanned, "It's the busiest time of year for him. He still has to go over his list a second time, otherwise he would've shimmied down the chimney himself for these files."
"I found duct tape!" Juàn announced, pulling a seemingly new role from a drawer.
"Oh look, a Christmas miracle." Dominic said sarcastically.
"Okay, okay, I'll stop with the stupid references if you do too." Erick said, trying to negotiate.
"Nah, I think we'll just gag you." Dominic said, pulling his hat off so he could grab his hair and hold him still. He nodded at Juàn, who then tore off a strip of tape and pasted it over Erick's lips.
Erick tried to shake his head in protest, but with just two against one he was already severely outnumbered. Several strips of tape later, he was silenced too. Dominic shoved him into the desk chair, keeping his gun trained on him while discussing with Juàn on what to do next.
"I think we best just take him to the basement, then I'll go check on Santa at the party. They're clearly working together." Dominic said.
"So when you say 'we' you actually just mean me?" Juàn asked, seeming a bit annoyed. Dominic rolled his eyes.
"What? Can't handle one puny elf?"
"Pmmy?!" Erick huffed behind the tape, trying to get up, but Dominic pushed him back down.
"Shut up and stay down, you!" he said.
Then suddenly the door opened again, two people sneaking in while giggling. A man and a woman, closing the door behind them. The man pressed the woman against the door, kissing her neck while she giggled like a teenage girl in love, neither of them noticing the two guards and Erick.
"Hush güzelim, someone will hear you~"
Erick tensed a bit, recognising the voice.
Why here of all places?
Why him of all people?
Dominic and Juàn seemed too stunned to say anything, but did think to put away the gun and step right into the couple's line of sight, obscuring Erick from their view.
"Oh mi amore~" the woman said, before gasping horrified as she noticed Dominic and Juàn. She patted her partner on the shoulder, trying to get him to stop kissing.
"D-Daniel...I think this room is already taken."
"What—"
"Delaney! I should've known it was you, you horny son of a bitch." Dominic said.
Delaney winced and stepped away from the woman, turning around, looking over the two guards.
"Hey, if you didn't want interruptions, you should've locked the door." he said, but while he had his back turned, t he woman opened the door and slipped out, not wanting to get any more involved.
"Great! Now you cost me my date!" Delaney said, "What are you two doing here anyway? I thought you were married, Juàn."
"Definitely not that!" Juàn quickly said.
"The silent alarm on the door got triggered." Dominic explained, "So we went to investigate and found ourselves a little thief."
He stepped aside. Erick cursed mentally as he caught Delaney's eye before looking away.
"Oh my God." Delaney said. "You!"
"You know him?" Dominic asked.
Erick shook his head, but they weren't paying attention to him.
"Yeah I know him." Delaney said, "And trust me, you don't want to be caught with him."
"Why?" Juàn asked, "Who does he work for?"
Erick shook his head more vigorously, but some of the bells on his costume rang softly, so he quickly stopped as Dominic threw him a glare.
"Chase Fetcher." Delaney said, "Who works for your boss' biggest rival, Tito Rana. You don't want to be responsible for starting a war with him now, do you?"
"Didn't he start though?" Dominic said, "Sending this lil thief?"
"Yeah, but what would your boss say if you got him involved in that nightmare? Doesn't even matter who started it." Delaney said, "Let me take him off of your hands, no one has to know he was even here tonight~"
"Since when do you get your hands dirty?" Dominic asked, "Or is it just because he's your type?"
"I'm offering you a way to tell your boss that his party went smoothly and there was no trouble whatsoever, without asking anything in return, I might add...And you're going to question why?"
"He's got a point, Dom..." Juàn said quietly, "Boss'll have our heads if he finds out someone even made it into his office."
"Ugh. Fine." Dominic sighed, "But no funny business on the boss' property. Take the backdoor, we don't want the guests to see him. Give your car keys to Juàn, he'll bring it around so you can load him in without being seen."
"Deal~" Delaney said, pulling his keys from his pocket and handing them to Juàn, who hurried outside to get his car. Dominic pulled Erick to his feet and shoved him towards Delaney.
"No funny business." He repeated, "Save that disgusting shit for the privacy of your own home."
"Don't worry, I can wait." Delaney said, shooting Erick a wink. The teen just shook his head again, backing away from him, but he already had a hold of his arm and pulled him out the door and deeper into the darkened corridor.
"Stop that, be quiet!" Delaney hissed, trying to get Erick discreetly out the back door of the house, but he was putting up a good fight, pulling against his grip and trying to call for help despite the tape gag. He even dug his heels in, though his stupid pointy shoes slipped easily over the tiles, so it didn't help much.
"Just shut up a second, I'm trying to help!" Delaney hissed quietly.
"Fmm ymm!" Erick snarled, trying to pull his arm free again.
Delaney sighed and shoved him against the wall, grabbing a painful hold of his jaw and forcing him to look at him.
"Listen!" he hissed, "Do you want to get out of here or do you want me to bring you back so they can tie you to a piece of concrete and ditch you in the ocean?"
He waited a second, not for an answer, but for the teen to settle down. He let go of him and stepped back, and when he didn't immediately try to run, he nodded satisfied.
"I promise I'll untie you once I get rid of Juàn." Delaney said, "And then you need to get the fuck out of here. Without breaking legs this time, that'd be nice."
Erick growled, but he couldn't form a comprehensive enough reply, nor could he really promise not to break any legs. Still, he reluctantly let Delaney take his arm and guide him towards the backdoor, where Juàn was waiting next to a shiny new Audi.
"I thought you drove a Porsche?" Juàn said, handing Delaney his key back.
"I did." Delaney said, "Until it got stolen."
"So that's why you wanted the thief." Juàn said with a grin.
"Exactly." Delaney improvised, "I'm gonna make him tell me who he sold it to."
"Need help putting him in the trunk?" Juàn asked.
"No, I like to keep an eye on 'em." Delaney said, pulling Erick towards the backseat door, "Why else would I need blinded windows?"
"Against the sun?" Juàn said with a shrug.
"Right..." Delaney said.
Erick kicked him for being too obvious, to which he shoved the teen into the backseat. He was having a déjà vu, somehow more horrible than the original memory, but forced himself to stay cal as he settled in the backseat and waited for Delaney to talk Juàn away.
Then Delaney finally got behind the wheel and drove about a block away before pulling over just as Erick started to get suspicious. After turning the engine off, Delaney turned in his seat and reached into the back.
"Give me your hands." he said.
Erick turned around so Delaney could reach the belt and loosen it. Once his hands were free, he peeled the tape off of his face himself.
"Fuck..." he said quietly, balling up the tape and tossing it on the floor.
"Really?" Delaney said, "I save you and you thank me by littering my car?"
"Why?" Erick asked, still not trusting him.
Delaney turned back to face forward, sighing.
"I guess I uh...kinda owe you one."
"Even if I cared, you'd definitely owe me more than just one." Erick said, before pulling out his phone. Thankfully the two lackeys hadn't thought of taking it.
"Touché..." Delaney said, glancing at the teen through the rear-view mirror, "What are you doing?"
"Letting Fetch know to switch to plan B." Erick said, "Wait, fuck, I'll need my car..."
"...I could get it?" Delaney suggested.
"And why should I trust you?"
"You don't have to, you can figure it out on your own if you prefer." Delaney said, "Or you can accept my help and make things easy on yourself."
Erick narrowed his eyes a bit, trying to figure out what he could possibly be up to, when suddenly it dawned on him.
"You want to get in Lavender's good graces." he said, "That's kinda sad, you know that?"
"Shut up. Do you want my help or not?" Delaney said.
"...fine." Erick said, "But I'm not responsible for Fetch's actions when he spots you."
"Oh is he gonna drain my blood and harvest my organs?" Delaney asked, rolling his eyes.
"Let's just go." Erick said, getting out of the car.
"We're walking?" Delaney asked, getting out as well, "In that getup?"
"I don't have a change of clothes in these tights." Erick said, "Besides, I'll drop you back here if you hold up your end of the deal."
"Fine. But I'm walking ten feet behind you."
"Make it twenty."
They returned to the manor on foot, though Erick made sure to stay out of sight and headed into an alley, pulling out his phone again and opening a map. Delaney followed, having stayed several feet behind him like he said he would.
"Now what?" he asked.
"Here." Erick said, showing the map to Delaney, "There's a service road west of the manor. I'll go ahead on foot. I need you to drive my car there and then we wait there for Fetch."
"Oh, there." Delaney nodded, "Okay. And what car am I looking for? It better not be my Porsche."
"No. I sold it." Erick said. "You're looking for a green Nissan Almera, though it probably looks black in this light. It has a spoiler on the back."
"No racing stripes?" Delaney asked.
"Shut up." Erick said, pulling out his car key, but not handing it over just yet, "Do not, under any circumstances, change any fucking settings. Do not touch anything besides the wheel and the gear shift or so help me."
"Don't be so neurotic. Your call will be fine." Delaney said, impatiently holding up his hand for the key. Erick sighed, then reluctantly handed it over.
"If you don't show up, I'm calling Lavender." he said.
"I would love that." Delaney said, "I haven't heard from her in ages— Did she change her number?"
"Just fucking go." Erick snapped, before heading off himself so he could make it to the service road in time.
While he walked, Erick texted Fetch to let him know he'd been caught and they had to switch to plan B. Fetch didn't reply, but he could see him pop online, his message got marked as read, and then he went offline again.
Erick bit his lip, hoping he wasn't upset about him messing up and having to do everything himself after all. Not to mention the fact he had no idea how he would react to Delaney, if he ever showed up at all. The road was abandoned and he wondered if he maybe had gotten caught. Or worse...betrayed him.
"You really can't trust anyone in this world." Erick sighed, kicking a rock when he suddenly heard the soft rumble of a familiar engine.
He looked over to a turn in the road and sure enough his car came rolling around the corner. Delaney slowed to a stop as he drove past him, pulling over on the side of the road and cutting the engine, before getting out.
"That wasn't so bad now, was it?" he said, even handing Erick his key back.
The teen still gave him a suspicious look, however, taking his key back and getting behind the wheel. Delaney walked around and got into the passenger's seat.
"What are you doing?" Erick asked.
"...Sitting?" Delaney said, "You said you'd drop me off at my car."
"You can't sit there." Erick said, "That's where Fetch always sits. You don't want him to, like, blindly open the door and sit in your lap, do you?"
"Well that depends on the context—"
"Ew!" Erick interrupted, "Get in the back before I grab my bat from the trunk!"
"Alright, I'm going, I'm going..." Delaney said, getting out and switching to the backseat instead. "You're welcome, by the way."
"Go fuck yourself." Erick said, checking to make sure he really hadn't changed anything...only to find that the mirror was angled differently.
"I told you not to change anything!" he hissed, adjusting the mirror back to its desired position.
"I had to back out and I couldn't see anything!" Delaney said, "It's just the mirror."
"It's my mirror! In my car!" Erick said, still adjusting it, and again, and again, and again.
"You're stressed." Delaney concluded, "Take a deep breath. I can help you relax~"
"Touch me and I'll call Lavender and ask her to break your hands again." Erick said, adjusting the mirror again just so he could glare at Delaney.
"Do you really think she'd take time out of her day to see lil old me?" Delaney asked, though he definitely kept his hands to himself.
"I'll just tell her you tried to kiss me again." Erick said, "And I'll tell Fetch, and miss Thorne, oh and Mr Rana. Maybe if I cry a little he'll send Jonas after you too."
"Okay yikes." Delaney said, "But also hot—"
Erick sighed frustratedly, dropping his head on his steering wheel, to which the car made a soft honk.
"I really don't need that mental image in my head. Fetch and Lavender alone are bad enough."
"WHAT?!"
Erick smirked against the steering wheel as Delaney sputtered more questions, though thankfully he shut up when the passenger door was suddenly yanked open and Fetch dropped himself in his seat, whacking Erick with a familiar green hat.
"Do I have to do everything myself?!" he said, waving the files, "You just had to steal some pieces of paper, but instead I'm approached by one of Tito's undercover guys to let me know that you've been caught and then left with a fucking pervert, and then you text me like nothing happened?!"
"Dominic was one of Mr Rana's?" Erick asked.
"Yeah and he told me he had to hand you off to Delaney?! What happened?"
Erick could only stare sheepishly at him before slowly glancing towards the backseat, to which Fetch finally noticed the extra passenger.
"Hey handsome—"
"ERICK WHAT THE HELL?!"
"Trust me, I'm wondering the same thing." Erick said, but Fetch didn't even hear him as he pulled his gun while Delaney quickly shouted an explanation.
"I-I walked in on them by accident! I freed him as soon as we were out of sight, I swear!"
"Give me one good reason not to blow your fucking brains out right now!" Fetch said.
"U-um....Erick, help—"
"Don't fucking talk to him!"
Erick looked at Delaney's helpless, frightened face and rolled his eyes.
"How would we explain pieces of brain on my backseat to Ethel?" he said.
"Who is Ethel?" Delaney asked.
"Shut up." Fetch and Erick said in chorus.
"Listen." Erick said, "Yeah I got caught. Yeah Delaney of all people helped me escape. And yeah I used his help to get plan B back on track. He held up his end of the deal, so I'm gonna drop him off back by his car and then pretend this entire night never happened— Did you rent this costume or can I burn it?"
"No you can't burn it." Fetch said, "And you really need to stop making friends with people who hurt you."
"Who have I made friends with besides you?" Erick said, before immediately changing his mind, "No. Don't answer that— This isn't friendship, this is just me using him to get our job done and after dropping him off, I still very much never want to see him again."
He started the engine and pulled back onto the road with a U-turn to drive back into town. Fetch kept his fun trained on Delaney, just in case, but he wisely didn't try anything, nor did he say anything stupid.
After about ten minutes of awkwardly silent driving, Erick pulled to a stop behind Delaney's car, leaving the engine running.
"Get out." Fetch said, "And get the fuck out of my city. If I didn't live here you would've been dead already, but I don't shit where I eat."
"Going, I'm going..." Delaney said, getting out. Erick rolled his window down as he walked past.
"Hey um...thanks." he said, "For not being a complete sack of shit this time."
"Don't thank him, he'll try to come back for more." Fetch said, reaching past Erick to close his window again, before Delaney got a chance to reply, "I'll ask Tito to give you a cut if you run him over."
"I think he's just lonely." Erick said, electing to not run him over as he reversed first so he could get around him instead.
"Why do you care?" Fetch said, lighting a cigarette.
"...I'm not sure." Erick said, "Maybe it's that stupid Christmas spirit you tried to get me into."
"Okay fine you can burn the costume, but only if you stop being empathetic for that guy." Fetch said.
"I'd even take it as a Christmas gift." Erick said, "The bells are driving me insane."
"...I never give you Christmas gifts." Fetch said, raising a brow.
"There's a first for everything." Erick shrugged.
"No. We're not making it a thing."
"Aww, what happened to your Christmas spirit, Fetch?"
"Keep that up and I'll put glass in your breakfast!"
"Whoa that's a new one—"
"Erick!"
"Sorry, sir..."
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